Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Why Work When You're Just Going to Pay the Government to Take Care of Your Kids?

It is a curiosity of mine why most people bring children into this world.

Seriously, it is.

For it seems to me that children are viewed not as sentient human beings that have just as much entitlement to life and fair treatment as the rest of us, but rather pieces of furniture that go well with the SUV that we have for our own selfish desires.

And the minute a marriage becomes "inconvenient" the knee-jerk solution is divorce.

No, no, forget about the kid. No, "what, that kid? Why it's just a piece of furniture. It doesn't have feelings or emotions. Besides, our mutual hatred for each other and desire to get furthest away from one another supersedes than that child's "feelings" and psychological well-being if it has any. Why, there should be no ramifications for bringing in another life into this world if it inconveniences us in the slightest."

And again, though I hate children, I don't like to see them suffer. For like dogs, I deem them largely innocent and better than the average human. Thus when I am king I will make it illegal to divorce until all the children you brought into the world are 18 and mature enough to understand the concept of divorce. And there will be a severe divorce tax. Like half your freaking net worth. And I'm not just talking about the guys. I'm a true believer in equality. Women will pay too. I will force people to realize that if they brought another human into the world, then that human, no matter much you desire to treat it like a disposable addition to the drapes, is a human with emotions, feelings and thoughts that is just as entitled to humane treatment as the rest of us.

I will also enforce another thing. Somebody, be it the husband or the wife is staying home to take care of that kid. I don't care if it's unconventional. I don't care if it's old fashioned. I damn right don't care if it's dictatorial. You brought a human being into this world under the pretense you "love it" ergo one of you, by golly, be it the husband or the wife is going to stay at home and raise it. And if you dare outsource that child's upbringing to a nanny or day care center, I hope you enjoy your long lonely years in a nursing home, because that kid is not going to come visit you, and nor should s/he.

In any case what tripped this tirade is these charts I found and I forget where. It showed me something I already suspected to be true. That when neither of the parents decide to stay at home and take care of the kid, it's not like they're saving money or coming out ahead. They still have to spend just as much money on "childcare," as well as pay more in taxes because the default babysitter in most cases is the government.






So look, seriously. I am an evil, nazi, facist, racist, Republican, sexist, evil, capitalist and overall general poopy person. I don't like kids and have been known to trip old people. But do you think maybe one of you might want to stay home and take care of the kid instead of having the government do it for you? I mean, seriously, you brought the kid into this world for a reason, right? Presumably to love it and cherish it? Can you perhaps set the freaking laptop down and instead of just slave away to pay the extra taxes and child care costs to pay somebody else to do it for you, maybe do it yourself? Or heck, maybe just for the kid's psychological health "feign" like you care more about the kid than your career. I don't know, as I am not a father, but it would seem to me (despite my obvious hatred for children and of course being evil incarnate) it would seem a posh lifestyle to have my wife work whilst I play with junior and teach him how to make farting noises with his armpit, spit cherry pits with the pressurized tongue technique and how to make slingshots.

Then again, what do I know. I'm just some dumb economist that refuses to conform, doesn't adhere to group think and has the slightest audacity to concoct the occasional independent thought. You know, crazy thoughts, like children are humans too.

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