Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Monday, March 30, 2009

Current Account Deficit as a Percentage of GDP

The US of course has some severe economic problems. But on one of my regular economic statistic check ups I noticed that if you contrast the US versus say, Iceland, we don't look so bad (which is like comparing me versus Michael Moore). We are "only" spending 6% more than we make (and I don't think the OECD has updated their stats, this, considering the Federal Budget for 2009 should be more like 12%). Hairs split aside, Norway which has consistently managed a surplus in the teens is like the Daniel Craig of the current account world (I'm just assuming Daniel Craig because all the girls in the Captain's life swoon when you mention his name).

In any case, I predict we'll see a current account deficit in the upper teens before this is all over. Don't worry ladies, the US will look just like you've wanted him to become economically all these years; Michael Moore.

Entrant #3 for Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest

From Qeej

He couldn't find a relationship between RGDP growth and the marginal tax rate for millionaires.

Oh, but he forgot to do something. Does anybody see what he failed to do?

Remember YOU TOO can enter the Captain's annual chart contest.

Just e-mail your charts to CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com

Super happy fun prizes await!!!!
30 Mar 09

Mentored (Part 3)

Thanks to the Koestler Trust, I am now being mentored by Sally Hinchcliffe, a published author with an MA in Creative Writing from the University of London, taught by Julia Bell and Russell Celyn Jones.

After reading chapters 4 to 6 of the draft of my book, Green Bologna and Pink Boxers, Sally offered this advice:

Choreography and timing. Make it clear to the reader how much time is passing and where you are. Try to remember the layout of the jail is confusing to the uninitiated. For example, you wrote, “I parked my rolled-up mattress by the sliding door.” This needs more description. Where are you? You need to place your characters and yourself in physical situations.

Consider stepping back at some point and describing how the jail works. Such as the layout, terminology, even the fact that it’s for prisoners on remand. Now that your disorientation stage is out of the way, give the reader some clues.

There is a much better sense of yourself in these chapters, but be careful of editorialising. Tell us what you feel, but don’t tell us what to think. For example, you wrote, “‘OK,’ I said, worriedly trying to digest all of this advice that might save me from violence” That might save me from violence isn’t necessary because you need to allow the reader to know what to think.

Most of Chapter 4 is excellent. Nice pace. Well described. But I have a few quibbles with the prose. The end sort of dribbles off with the prisoner showing you the ants coming out of his wall where he sleeps. I’m not sure what that adds. I would be inclined to jump straight to the lockdown time. Ending a sort of “settling-in” episode on a downbeat, contemplative note.

Chapter 5 in comparison feels quite patchy. It has a stop-start rhythm. I would like to see it told as a more continuous story. For example, setting up the situation (crystal-meth glut), and then having the characters succumb to paranoia one by one, ending with the violence of the guards. As it stands, it ends with a bit of a whimper. The goon squad have come in, but after that it sounds like a Girls Scouts outing as you get your laundry changed out. Make the goon squad more ominous.

In general, think of each chapter as a short story to get the narrative flowing better. Then the thread and the narrative arc become clearer.

Each chapter has a clear theme, which is good. In general these three chapters feel solid and well realised, and would fit in well to the book however you slant it. Good stuff.

Sally recommended I read The War Against Cliché by Martin Amis. It’s a book of literary criticism, containing pieces on some of my favourite authors such as Tom Wolfe and Don DeLillo. Here’s Amis decorticating Hannibal by Thomas Harris:

Following the riot of paceless implausibilities that serves as the book’s climax, Hannibal and Clarice ecstatically elide. What is the more incredible, at this point: that Clarice should actually go off with the murdering bastard or that Hannibal would cross the street for such a charmless little rube? (It’s hard to think what woman would be capable of diverting Hannibal for more than five seconds. Mata Hari? Baroness Orczy? Catherine the Great?
‘Look at this crowd,’ Harris writes, ‘scruffy, squinty, angry, egg-bound, truly of the resinous heart.’ Vintage Harris: what does ‘of the resinous heart’ mean, truly, and what does ‘egg-bound’ ever think it means?

And for those of you following the progression of the opening page of Green Bologna and Pink Boxers, here’s the latest version I’ve asked Sally to breathe her fire on.

“Tempe Police Department! We have a warrant! Open the door!”
The stock quotes flickering on the computer screen lost all importance as I rushed to the peephole – it was blacked out. Boots thudded up the outdoor stairs to our Scottsdale apartment, setting my nerves further on edge.
Bang, bang, bang, bang!
Wearing only boxer shorts, I dashed to the bedroom. “Claudia, wake up! It’s the cops!”
“Tempe Police Department! Open the door!”
Claudia scrambled from the California king, her blond hair tousled. “What should we do?” she asked, anxiously fixing her pink pyjamas.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang!
“Open the door!”
We searched each other’s faces.
“Let’s open it,” I said, not wanting to make matters worse. With Claudia clinging to my arm, I was hastening to let them in when – boom! – the door leaped off its hinges.
Big men in black fatigues and ballistic armour blitzed through the doorframe, aiming their steel at us. Afraid of being shot by some trigger-happy rookie, I froze, terror-struck. I could only gape as they converted my living room into a scene from a war movie.
“Tempe Police Department! Get on the fucking ground now!”
“Police! Police! On your bellies now!”
“Hands above your heads!”
“Don’t fucking move!”
As I dropped to the floor, they fell upon me. There was a beating in my chest as if I had more than one heart. Crushed by hands, elbows, knees and boots, I could barely breathe. Cold steel snapped around my wrists. I was hoisted like a puppet onto my feet. As they yanked Claudia up by the cuffs, she pinched her eyes shut; when she opened them, tears spilled out.

Click here to read Mentored Part 2.

Click here to read Mentored Part 4.

Email comments to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Captain's Carbon Emissions

I am not bragging, I'm just making a record so that if anybody is so anally-rententive enough to calculate the carbon emissions on this they may be able to calculate how many leftist, brainwashed, nutjobs I countered in terms of carbon emissions. On this Anti-Earth Day I;

Drove 132 miles in an 8 cylinder car that gets 17 MPG.

Smoked 2 cigars.

Burned 4 2x4's of 3 foot lengths of painted wood.

Burned 5 plastic bags

Burned 1 styrofoam container

Burned 4 plastic bottles

Grilled 4 steaks and 4 brats with CHARCOAL

Ran the shower for 20 minutes pointlessly

Ran the heat at 80 degrees with an outside temp of 37 degrees

Mowed the lawn (1400 ft squared) though there was no grass.

Used 1/2 of a can of spray paint to initialize the bonfire.

I don't know what that translates into in terms of carbon emission, but I'm sure I've countered 100,000 dumbasses "turning off their lights" in terms of "saving the planet."

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Anti-Earth Day

Remember today is Anti-Earth Day.

Undo all the work the pyscho crazies have been doing to "save" the environment.

I have already pointlessly driven over 50 miles today and plan a bonfire of treated wood, magazine paper and plastics (if I can find any).

Remember to flush multiple times and perhaps heat up your house with the shower running.

Smoke a lot, and if you don't smoke, make up for it in taking beautiful Saturday afternoon drives.

Oh, and fire up those grills!!!!

Friday, March 27, 2009

South Park Margaritaville

This is what I like about economics. It is so simple it can be explained by a cartoon. You will watch these cartoons. You will also BUY THE BOOK as it goes into slightly more detail than the cartoons.

Go After the People, Not the Banks

I made a post a while ago about the revolving doors here at the banks in Minnesota. How one person (true story) ran a bank into the ground with such bad commercial lending, ended up becoming the CHIEF CREDIT OFFCIER of a bank just down the road.

Another “president” was heralded for her “great” tenure at a local bank here in Minnesota as she left for greener pastures at a bank out east, only to find out the bank she left was left in shambles after reckless and galactically stupid lending practices.

The stories go on and on.

However, this brings up a very important point if we are ever to improve our financial system and stop another such debacle from happening again. The regulators have to go after the people who did this, not the banks.

I don’t know of one bank in Minnesota that hasn’t purged itself of its senior and executive management in the past 3 years. The problem is they just replaced their incredibly shitty (I only use the crass term as it is the only term that conveys the true shittiness of their managerial ability) management team, with other shitty management teams from other shitty banks.

The consequences can reliably be predicted to be, of course, shitty.

Since we’re not targeting the problem (the people who caused this), but rather the entities or shells they used to cause this economic crisis (the banks), the problem will continue and there will be no genuine justice.

I asked an insider in the regulatory world who shall remain nameless if they authorities were going after the people or the banks and s/he said, unfortunately they’re going after the banks, not the people.

Grand. The OTS, the NCUA, the OCC and the FDIC are not targeting the cancerous scumbags who are corrupting the system, but the vehicles or legal entities they infect. It seems banks will be forever in perpetuity, shitty.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

University of Delaware

Never attend it. Never even move to Delaware, never hire somebody from there. What a worthless and pathetic waste of resources.

Part I

Part II


Switzerland Really Isn't a Sovereign Nation

Because you know, they're not like a real country like Germany or the US. I mean, those Swiss are like terrorists and should be arrested for operating within their own laws should they dare set foot in socialist nations like Germany the US.

I don't know about you guys, but this is reason enough to not buy German or French goods, CERTAINLY reason enough not to set up shop in those countries.

Counter-Earth Hour

As you guys all know I suggested environmentalists whackos start paying me to NOT pollute the environment. And as a means by which to give these nutjobs the proverbial finger suggested we hold a celebration of sorts where we pollute as much as possible.

Well it turns out via SDA (click and scroll down, you'll see several postings) already such a celebration is planned AND it is coming up March 28th.

Now understand the purpose of the counter rally is to not only counter what minuscule and pointless amount of energy these hypocrites save, but to outdo them and make it worse for the environment. Not because we don't like the environment, but we want to show them their arrogance and conceitedness in daring to lecture the normal people of this society about the "ills" of global warming will be counter productive.

Thus, instead of their paltry, pathetic hour, we will engage in carbon spewing behavior for the entire day, and night if necessary.

Now I know what you're asking; "Captain, what can I do to help shut these losers up and make them think twice about joining a pathetic crusade just because it makes them feel good and gives them their jollies because they get to tell other people what to do?"

Well I figured why not look up what the "10 best things to do for the environment" was and then do the opposite!

1. Run lots and lots of water. Water is cheap and so you should flush your toilet several times. Matter of fact if you can parcel out your bathroom going into multiple trips that will increase the number of flushes you have to use. You can help increase water usage by drinking lots of water. This not only consumes it, but forces you to flush more times.

2. DRIVE A LOT. The Captain fully intends on getting his 8 cylinder car and driving pointlessly to Hutchinson while smoking not one, but TWO cigars. Also, don't combine errands. Make a separate trip for each errand and maybe take a nice detour. See, driving actually IS fun and is calm and relaxing. I personally find enjoyment just driving around listening to jazz or talk radio. You should do the same and treat yourself to a nice quiet, LONG drive. Better yet, if you don't have to drive, go out and drive around during rush hour. Help clog the interstates more than they already are by needlessly making your presence there.

3. The #3 on their list is to bike/cycle/walk. Forget that, see #2.

4. Do not recycle. Throw everything away. Make sure paper and bottles (with the caps on so they don't compress, but rather stay inflated taking up more volume) are thrown out. Keep aluminum. That you can actually make money on. If you can't throw it away, burn it. The downside of this is it doesn't help fill land fills, but it does emit carbon.

5. Composting. HEY instead of having the garbage in the landfill, have it in a stinky pile in your back yard. Instead, I suggest doing what #4 recommends and throwing everything away, UNLESS you have extra chemicals and cleaners you need to get rid of. Pour that on the ground where you're not planting anything or using. Preferably around the perimeter of the house as that will keep critters and weeds away.

6. Change lightbulbs. Well, if you have to change lightbulbs, they better burn out. Make sure you keep all your lights on. Matter of fact if changing lightbulbs is good for the environment, then you should break out the ole Christmas lights and fire those babies up. Remember, if they burn out, you get to replace them. And replacing bulbs is good for the environment.

7. Run the furnace AND air conditioner full blast. SDA has the rights to this one, as they call it a "match" to see which one wins. This is kind of expensive however, so you can easily unnecessarily heat up your house by burning wood in a fireplace or just having a bonfire outside. Make sure to use gasoline to get her started.

8. They recommend increasing the pressure in your tires. I recommend just going to the air pump and running it non-stop so the air compressor works overtime. That consumes electricity and that helps destroy the planet.

9. #9 on their list is driving again. Notice a hatred for the car here? This time they want you to drive REALLY slow. Ef that. That's for neo-pansified-Americans who drive Priuses and find members of the opposite sex based on the mileage their car gets. Go out and hit the interstate. Don't speed, but just hit the interstate and go 5 over the limit as that will not get you a ticket, but increase the amount of emissions you're emitting. If you can find one, attach a parachute to the back of your car for better draft.

10. Run all your appliances and lights at the same time. The great thing about video games is they have a pause function. You can leave all the electronics on, get a burger (via car), come back and watch the beautifully paused screen as you eat your burger and throw out/burn the garbage.

Now these were just the opposite of the best things you could do for the environment. I'd like to add a couple;

1. Aerosol cans. I don't use them, but they sure are fun to burn like a torch. Reminisce about your childhood youth and buy a can of deodorant and have a torch fest.

2. Bonfires. You can burn pretty much everything and you should. Plastic, painted wood, treated wood. You'd be amazed how much junk you can clean out of your house if you have a good ole fashioned bonfire. Just make sure you don't breathe in the smoke.

3. Cigars. I know what you're saying, "how much damage could a single petty cigar possibly cause the environment?" Well how much GOOD can driving 55 instead of 60 do for the environment. You have to understand, it's all symbolism over substance. Be just as hypocritical as they are and have that symbolic cigar. Besides, leftists hate cigar smokers.

4. Grill out with charcoal. Gas is good as you're still emitting carbon, but what is better than eating the meat of poor little helpless animals over sizzling coals? Make sure to use a LOT of lighter fluid. Matter of fact, better get two bottles.

5. LAUNDRY DAY! Might as well do it today. Make sure you use that dryer.

6. Go out on a date. While everybody is in the dark, holding a candle light vigil for the environment, grab your girl/guy, go to town and enjoy life. Lord knows these people don't and never will.
26 March 09

Bad Weather (by Two Tonys)

Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming." Recently diagnosed with liver cancer, and is in chemotherapy fighting to prolong his life.

When I came down to prison in 1980, my crime partner was Big Steve, an overgrown young kid 10 years my junior. He was putting in some work with me on the streets. Pretty heavy stuff. But when we both got busted and came to prison, the roles did a reverse. He’s now a big shot caller with the white-boy clique. He looks out for me. I’m low profile, and he knows we’ll both be back on the streets some day.

Now I meet this guy called Bad Weather out of Nevada. Nice Guy. Hustler. Smart. At times too smart for his own good, as we shall see.
I come out to rec on a cold winter morning, and as all the prisoners file out, I notice these three young guys trying to be nonchalant as they dig up an area I know some shanks are buried. As they unearth them, I stroll up to them, and ask them what’s up. Now they’re young. Maybe 19 to 20 years old. They’re eager to make names for themselves.
The white-boy clique is set up so the older members can send the youngsters on missions to evaluate how they perform. Which will factor into their acceptance in the pack.
So these kids, with nostrils flaring, are ready for blood. They want to show what great killers they are, that their hearts are committed to murder. Now not to sound vain, but they know who I am and that I deserve an answer
One of them says, “We’re taking out Bad Weather this morning.”
I ask, “Who says so?”
They say an older white named Roy Boy had called the hit so they could get their hands bloody.
I tell them to hold off and that I’ll get back to them.

So I go to my crime partner, Big Steve. His big ass is over in this shack we had for drinking coffee. I ask him to step over with me, so we can talk.
I say, “Hey, these fucking nut cakes are getting set up to kill Bad Weather. I’d like to know what he’s done. Roy Boy called the shot.”
Well, upon that Steve’s nostrils flare because #1 no one is supposed to call a shot without several nods and #2 Steve hated Roy Boy as most did.
About that time, Bad Weather shows up.
Steve asks him to hang out in the shack for a few minutes, and then he asks a couple of guys to hang out with him.
Steve and me look for Roy Boy who’s not out yet. We see the three would-be killers and Steve tells them to put the shanks back in the soil and stand by.
Roy Boy walks out, and Steve and me go up to him.
Steve says, “Hey, Roy, you telling these youngsters to hit B.W.?”
Roy starts with some bullshit about a $50 debt for some smack. The bill is three months old and he’s tired of the stories and wants his money or his blood.
At this time I jump in with an “Excuse me” to Steve. I say to Roy Boy, “Look, B.W. ain’t perfect. There’s a lot of snake in him. We can all see that a mile away. If he got to you for $50 or $500, that’s on you. He’s a friend of mine and that makes him a friend of Steve’s, and he don’t get stabbed on the prison yard, specially by a pack who don’t even know what he’s about. So rethink your plan of action.”
Steve cuts in, and says this in his old low frog voice, “Hey, if you feel he has to die, then go kill him. He’s right over there by the shack. We’ll dig two of these shanks up, and you go at it one on one, but don’t even try to send a pack in on him.”
Roy backs up and says he doesn’t want to kill him, just scare him.
Steve says, “Oh, then go scare him.” And we turn and walk away, leaving Roy “Pootie Butt” Boy to reflect on his cowardice.

Now I saved that Bad Weather’s life, and I’m glad I did. We had a few fun years together. We were even cellies in SMU2 [a supermaximum prison] for a time. I never told him about that day. Why should I? It was over. Why put him on a paranoid trip or stir up more shit?
Now did Bad Weather go on to discover a cure for cancer or some great gift for humanity? No. But he was a damn good legal eagle [jailhouse lawyer] and smart as a whip. And I know he got a few guys’ cases overturned and they were freed. And perhaps, just perhaps, out of those freed guys, one of their grandchildren might discover a cure for cancer that would not have been possible without Two Tonys being on a prison yard one cold morning. Wild ain’t it, how my fucked-up mind works? Am I actually trying to claim my exploits as a rogue were for a cause?

Click here to read Two Tonys’ previous blog.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments for Two Tonys to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Entrant #2 to the Captain's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

From Mr. Martin;

A good chronology of the stock market and Obama's action, does not however include this latest sucker's rally.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Pepe Le Pew, Foghorn Leghorn and East Indians

East Indians do not account for even a slight percentage of the population of Minnesota, yet they are here and they do exist. And the reason I know this is because a disproportionate amount of them attend my dance classes, for which I am certainly grateful.

However, in my dance classes I often use anecdotes or references to Looney Tunes, which they (among the Gen y generation) have no freaking clue what I'm talking about.

And this is a travesty.

How one can go throughout life without knowing who Pepe Le Pew is or Foghorn Leghorn is, is unacceptable. It's like going through life without eating ice cream.

Thus, for my East Indian and Gen Y students, as well as those looking for a bit of a pick me up in these harsh economics times, I present to you Foghorn Leghorn and Pepe Le Pew. Enjoy:


Heh heh. I have been called Pepe many times by many femme fatales;

Tax "Cooperation"

This should scare you.

And the reason this should scare you is that what ultimately guarantees your freedom, what ultimately forces the socialists and leftists of the world to spend within their means, what ultimately keeps governments from stealing everything you own is that there are...


In other words the productive people can just decide to move, or even more easily, invest in other countries.

You tax us at 40% corporate tax rate? Well we'll move.

You want to take 50% of GDP to bribe the lazy masses into voting for you so you can have life long employment at the express of the integrity and future of the country? We'll invest elsewhere.

And now those good ol "developed western nations" are doing nothing short of forming a cartel to normalize and standardize tax rates. I don't care about the military, if this happens you will have effectively a one world government and no natural forces of competition to force these countries to spend within their means.

This does however bring up an interesting development I've noticed. Countries like China and Russian, for god's sake, are going to be the ones who are more free than the "free world." Russia already has a flat tax, China has a corporate tax of only 20%.

Any industrious individual would be wise to sow some seeds in these countries.

And any industrious country would be wise to tell the OECD and this tax cartel of nations to ef off.

Ask Obama

A reader requested that I post this here and is typically the case I usually try to make my readers happy. Apparently Obama will answer any questions you have if you just send them in over the internet.

The problem is, aside from the obvious volume Obama will receive will make it impossible to answer all questions, is that like any other politician he will choose the ones that are easiest to answer or the ones politically favorable towards him. You could ask a simple question;

"Why should I work if you're making everything for free?"


"I'm young, I voted for you, and now you've essentially made me an indentured slave with all this future debt."

But he won't answer it.

Though I wish all of you the best of luck.

Monday, March 23, 2009



I finally found a unique and identifying term for these "millennials."

"The Obama Generation."
23 Mar 09

The Bite (by Lifer Renee)

Renee - She was only a teenager when she received a sixty-year sentence from a judge in Pima County. Fourteen years into her sentence, Renee is writing from Perryville prison in Goodyear, Arizona, providing a rare and unique insight into a women's prison.

Just about every day in a women’s prison is filled with some kind of drama, tension, and/or violence.
A few days ago, while I was at work at 6:15 am, I overheard an officer’s radio: “I need an A Team response to Kitchen 27.” Static and heavy breathing. “I have two inmates fighting.”
Well there sets the tone for the day, I thought.
A few hours later, I was walking to the visitation area where we are allowed to take our breaks, and I noticed 24 Yard was locked down. Then an officer left the yard gate, escorting an inmate in handcuffs.
The woman around me immediately said.
“What’s going on?”
“Was someone fighting?”
“Can you see who it is?”
I said nothing because I knew nothing.
Then a second officer with a second inmate walked across the field.
God, that’s a long walk, I thought, remembering how I’d taken that walk many years ago.
Then a third officer appeared, escorting a third inmate.
This just got more interesting, I thought.
I finished out the rest of my day at work oblivious to the prison yard and the chaos running rampant. I walked onto the yard and things appeared normal. The mob scene in the smoking area. Women in orange standing on the runs, sitting on the stairs along Building 23. I went to the control box. “Can you take my room off of no access and open it?”
Why the guard stood there and looked at me like I’d spoken in Greek I do not know. “What did you say?”
Through my teeth, I said, “Open my door and take it off of no access!” I turned around and ran into my friend Cletis who can tell you just about anything that is happening or has happened on the yard.
“Friend, who was fighting?” I asked.
“That big black girl in the kitchen and some new girl. Did you hear what happened?”
“The black girl bit the new girl twice after beating her up, and told her, ‘Bitch, you don’t ever have to worry about getting any STD’s ’cause I’m HIV positive.’”
My jaw hit the ground. I couldn’t imagine what I’d do if someone intentionally infected me with HIV.
Cletis continued, “I asked some of the black girl’s friends if she’s really HIV positive or if she was just trying to scare the new girl. They all said it’s true. She is HIV positive.”

Click here to read Renee’s previous blog.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments for Renee to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Dancing Etiquette for Married Women

I got a multi-tiered question that in order to respond fully requires a post in itself.

The question was what was the proper etiquette for married women who want to dance but their husbands don't want to.

In general, albeit dancing is ensconced in a very general environment that would lead towards dating, dancing itself is not an action of flirting or romance. In other words it can be totally platonic and just a fun activity no different than playing volleyball. Of course it certainly has the potential to lead towards some kind of romance, but if Joe Schmoe asks Jane Schmoe at bar x to dance (ballroom) then yeah, they guy might have an interest, but he isn't proposing marriage.

This is arguably one of the largest complaints men have when women are sitting on the edge of their seats, bouncing up and down to a great salsa or swing band at the edge of the dance floor and then when somebody comes up and asks them to dance, they giggle and laugh and point at their friends and tell them "no, you dance with him!" "No! *giggle, giggle* YOU dance with him!"

It isn't a proposal of marriage.

It isn't a sexual proposition.

It isn't even asking if he could buy you a drink because that would cost money.

He's asking for a dance, so married or not, it's pretty safe.

Now that being said, I cannot think of a more adroit and classy way to meet a girl besides dancing. So naturally most men will approach dancing as primarily a means to have fun, but a close second to meet a girl.

This is where the married women have to do one simple thing;

Wear your wedding ring.

A slightly skilled dancer will even have the savvy to feel that large hunk of rock on your left hand, saving you the embarrassment of asking you out. So as long as you're married and have that ring, you're not going to run into any trouble, at least on the ballroom scene.

Now where married women run into trouble is when THEY TAKE OFF THE RING or play a game some female friends of mine called "Testing Our Market Value."

To simplify things (a lot) women want attention, men want sex. And whereas it's socially poo-pooed to go out and just ask for sex, to get attention is perfectly acceptable. This creates a conundrum, especially for married women who are not getting enough love or attention back at home. They some how feel the need to go out and doll themselves up and "test their market value" and get attention, ie- sit at a bar and see how many men buy them drinks as they're all dolled up and *oops* did they happen to "forget" to wear their wedding ring?

No doubt there are enough veteran males in my readership who could regale you with tales of going to a club/bar/party, meeting a really nice gal WITHOUT A RING and only after spending 4 hours getting to know this one girl, finding out she was married. This is not only deceitful, but it's disrespectful as the woman has not only led the guy on, but wasted his time which he might as otherwise used to meet an available (and might I add, more secure) woman.

This happens more often than you might think and to a severity of more than you might imagine.

The Captain had one experience where a drop dead gorgeous woman was dancing with him with long sleeve gloves (couldn't tell if she was married). I asked her if there was a ring under the gloves and she said yes - ergo "thanks for the dance, no harm done."

On the other extreme was the drop dead gorgeous redheaded economist he met in his dance class and dated for about 2 months. As you can imagine after two months, several dates, her having red hair AND being an economist, the young Captain was smitten. That was of course until we were salsa dancing late one night and whilst on the dance floor the poor ole Captain's hand got lacerated by huge chunk of diamond he hadn't noticed her wearing before. After changing his dance grip he had the shocking realization that she was married this entire time and just forgot to take her ring off.

Regardless the whole point is whether it's an hour or two months, don't be a tease. If you want to dance, go out and dance and wear your wedding ring. I find nothing wrong with dressing up a little fancy. But if you're going to slut yourself up and take off the ring and "test your market value" and lead a guy on so you can get your fill of attention-jollies at his expense, that's where women start to earn a bad reputation and make men long for the likes of Sophia Loren or Audrey Hepburn, or at least join the marriage strike.

Entrant #1 to Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Competition

From Mr. Penner;

A good visual showing the basic cause of inflated housing prices and homeownership was historically low interest rates.


You too can enter the annual chart contest and win

a signed book from the Captain
a signed photo of the Captain (that one was thrown in there for the ladies ;)
an instructional dance video (starring the Captain)
and 10 whole US dollars (the currency about to catch leprosy)

E-mail your charts to CAPTcapitalism@yahoo.com!

Sunday, March 22, 2009

State of Play

I am a blogger.

And in admitting that I fully accept the connotations and stereotypes that come with it, much of which is similar to admitting you play Dungeons and Dragons.

In other words I fully admit that being a blogger is not "cool" but rather "nerdy."

That being a blogger is not going to impress women, but most likely deter them (I tried using it as a pick up line at a bar once, it was hilarious, you should try it just to see the girls' looks on their faces).

That in being a blogger people will roll their eyes and dismiss me as some kind of living-at-home-at-the-age-of-40 freak.

But at least when I admit this, at least I am being intellectually honest, if not sane about the social standing of a blogger.

The same cannot be said for members of the press, particularly the main stream media. And the reason why I say this is the seemingly limitless number of movies where the "press" is made out to be some kind of hero. What triggered my memory of this observation was when I saw the preview below for the movie "State of Play" where the "heroic" reporter is about to uncover some grandiose conspiracy;

Let's be blunt about this. This nothing more than people in media and the press day dreaming about their existence and (pardon the vulgarity of the term, but it's the most appropriate term I can find) masturbating about their profession. Their profession is so boring and unfulfilling that they have to make up stories to make themselves feel like their profession is somehow on par with Jack Bauer or soldiers or doctors or cops. And instead of just doing their job and reporting the news, no they have to "change society" or "save the world" or "stop some major corruption" or something epic and saga like, and State of Play is one such tale from Mr. Roger's Imagination Land.

Now there have been movies like this before. Nixon/Frost. All the President's Men. Erin Brochovich. No doubt many of you could name more because I just can't bother going to see them, but the theme is the same:


At least with Nixon/Frost and Brochovic they were based in reality and real journalists.

But the likes of "State of Play?" Come on.

Finally, there is just one hilarious aspect of State of Play. I think it's Meryl Streep in there and she says, "the newspaper can't help you."


Did you say "PAPER?"

You mean to suggest TODAY, 2009, newsPAPERS have some kind of pull?

Now you KNOW this is a work of fiction.

The dinosaurs known as newspapers are dying out if you haven't noticed and have nowhere near the pull or power they once did. Additionally with them rolling over on their back for Barack Obama, good lord, and now this movie is to have us believe a dying industry has STANDARDS too?

I'd rather watch Pravda-propaganda circa 1950.

No, seriously, if hollywood wanted to make a realistic movie or the modern day incarnation of "All the President's Men" then they should do a movie about Powerline and Little Green Footballs for busting Dan Rather.

In the meantime enjoy playing make-believe.

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Can't Find a Job? Get a Husband

You see we're prohibited in the developed world from saying women seek out men with money.

It's politically incorrect.

We're prohibited in the developed world to point to the countless marriages where the wife has her degree in community service, works 15 hours a week at the local charity, brings in $10,000, but spends $50,000 per year because her engineering husband makes $80,000, because that would imply she isn't an independent woman.

It's politically incorrect.

We're prohibited, if not lectured in the developed world if we dare suggest marriage is not in a bachelor's best interest and being single forever is actually a pretty good life, especially for the bachelor.

It's politically incorrect AND non-conformatory.

But jeezus-h-hosephats-cripes, "The recession is on, I can't make as much money as I want. So now I'm looking for a husband?"

I am so not moving nor investing in Japan.

Remember, it is cheaper to lease than to buy.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The Captain's Really Quick Week In Review Re-"Cap"

As some of you may have noticed, I am a little lackluster in the posts. This is due to this time of year being tax season and dance season which consumes the majority of my time. Ergo, allow me to give you the insight, wit and criticism of the important issues of today before the weekend starts and I have to go back to the grind to (sigh) teach single ladies how to dance;

1. This slamming on Obama making a joke about the special olympics? I'm sorry, everybody should shut the hell up and leave him alone. I will not tolerate hypocrisy in this ideology. If we want to be able to talk freely in this nation and banish politically correct speech, then the first thing we on the capitalist side of the force must do is allow those on the communist side of the force those same freedoms of speech. I heard it on talk radio and all you middle aged women who have no lives, no purpose and no point in your existence who call into talk radio and FEIGN indignation against Barack Obama cutting an innocent joke should shut the hell up. I am NO supporter of Barack Obama, but what I hold in higher regard is principle and how dare you criticize him for something as innocent as that while you bitch and moan in the same breathe about being suffocated by politically correct speech on our end. This is what separates us from them, intellectual honesty. Learn it, adhere to it, or go join the other side Arianna Huffington.

2. In a related note; YES congress should tax AIG and any other bailout recipient at a 90% tax rate for their bonuses. You see, again, we get back to this intellectual honesty. There is a parallel here between the war against corporate corruption and the war against terrorism. We (on the RIGHT side of the force) complained when there was petty complaints about torture, lack of due process, and rights being granted to what were essentially terrorists. We saw these evil people for who they were, and realized that the law has to be bent, if not broken to deal with these terrorists. How many of you complained because leftists were complaining about Ackbar's cell phone being traced because he was calling Afghanistan before every terrorist attack? Well it's the same thing here people. Treat these corporate exectuive schmucks and parasites as the enemy. And here is Obama and the (god, I can't believe I'm standing up for these people) Democrat congress saying, "OH yeah, AIG??? Well F%CK YOU! We're taking it anyway!"

It's the ballsy leadership we need.

Criticize Obama for destroying the economy with unfinanceable bailouts.

Criticize Obama for basically making slavery legal again by enslaving our children to pay for a lazy parental generation.

Criticize Obama for being a pathetic, preppy, wanna be, mama's boy who isn't a real man and never paid his way through college.

But for cripes sake, when he targets aggressively the assholes who got us into this economic crisis, don't be so intellectually dishonest and bitch about procedure just like the left did about the treatment of terrorists at Gitmo.

3. Just finished teaching a dance class at a local high school. I told the kids to partner up. There are three young guys standing by themselves and 6 extra girls. Guess what happens!

The 6 girls partner up with EACH OTHER and leave the three guys by themselves.

Now I don't have children, but it seems to me I'd be an infinitely better parent than most out there. Whoever you parents are that bring up your daughter to the point they'd rather dance with one another and not the honorable young man who had the courage to attend a dance class should be ashamed because you failed.

Let me tell you what is the most insulting and pathetic behavior of young women today; when a MAN asks you to dance and you not only turn him down BUT THEN DANCE WITH A FEMALE FRIEND. Now I could forgive this if you were genuinely homosexual, and that's fine, but when it's nothing more than sophomoric, childish, girly behavior because you're too god damned insecure to interact with the opposite sex because your parents failed to bring you up right, then this behavior will ensure you're 40, single, beleaguered with cats as children-subsitutes, and wondering why you don't have children yet and why no man will date you.

I think it's high time fathers quit being the Ray Romano's of the world, man up, stand up to their wives, start drawing lines in the sand, and hold daily lessons in manhood with their daughters and teach them the proper etiquette of how to interact with men when they get older. That's you're GD fathers for. To teach your daughters how to interact with MEN.

But, of course, you don't have to listen to me. But you will have to listen to your daughter complain when she's 39, has passed up on 17 grand and wonderful men who would have made great son-in-laws, and cries and cries and cries about why "Sex in the City" didn't turn out to be a reality for her, and then you will say, "oh, why oh why, didn't I listen to the Captain on this one? Despite being so young, he was so wise."

Thus concludes my super fast analysis of this week's newsworthy events.

Your mission for this weekend;

Fathers - have the father daughter talk. The real one. Not the "ponies and princesses" one.

Mothers - Let the fathers do this so that your daughter may actually meet a real and nice man and bring you a couple grandkids.

Men - Go buy your DAME some flowers and ice cream or something and while you're at it write her a poem, not matter how goofy, they like the effort. Start with the phrase "Your kisses are sweeter than beer" and go from there.

Women - Go put on something sexy before your man comes home, fix him up a martini and light him up a cigar. Don't give me your complaints, just do it, I'm trying to help you.

Children - Play video games and watch Saturday morning cartoons (even though they suck compared to the Bugs Bunny cartoons we had back in the 80's). Then get off your lazy asses and go play outside.

Eveyrbody- buy the damn book already. Geez, I got to put table of food guys. I know,you can procrastinate and put it off till later, but you've been doing that for 8 months. What makes you think you're going to actually pull the trigger? Do it now already!

The Captain has spoken.
20 Mar 09

Question Time with Two Tonys

Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming." Recently diagnosed with liver cancer, and is in chemotherapy fighting to prolong his life.

George wrote:

I heard about you on the radio today, and read most of your blog entries. I must agree with the last comment, you definitely have an original angle being a murderer natural philosopher. The question is not whether you should continue to write, it is how deep can you write now that you are facing death? You're not the type to stop writing and I am looking forward to your next post.

Two Tonys responded:

How deep I can go with this is up in the air. It’s like that killer broad, Barbara “Bloody Babs” Graham, first woman to be gassed in California’s death row. The hacks strapping her into the chair told her, “Don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing.” She replied, “How the fuck would you know?” Yeah, I can’t help but agree. I did help in cleaning up the earth’s gene pool. Yeah, scumbags, that’s what they were. I’m sure people say the same about me.

Gareth wrote:

Hey Two Tonys, I do wish you all the best in dealing with this bend in the river. You are clearly a man of strong character and ideals - whilst some would argue that, I believe you believed in everything you were doing in your past - we all choose our own world to live in and yours, whilst not aligned to mine, was your choice.

Two Tonys responded:

Thanks for the good wishes and the undeserved character ideals I seem to possess. I modestly agree with you on my character. I’ll put it up with anybody’s on a level playing field, all things considered. I made a lot of wrong decisions, some resulting in death for others. But as I always said, even before Chicago, they had it coming. We were all players in the game. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it. The adrenaline flowed, excitement galore. My ideals were not up to standing a lot of times as I look back on my life. But as I look back, I do say people enjoyed my company. Many were apprehensive. Some just wanted to hang around for a few days, months or years. But it was my life. I was a junkie for fun and excitement. I guess I still am. But I don’t see too much of that stuff in my future.

Leigh wrote:

I wish you the best Two Tonys! Cancer is a tough battle but then I would say you're no stranger to tough. I hope you'll show them all and pull through.

Two Tonys responded:

Yeah, I think I’m as tough as the next guy. I’m no stranger to tough. This cancer is going to be tougher and will win. What choice do I have other than to develop a fuck-it-c’mon attitude? I hope I can hold on to it when the shit hits the fan. I like to think modern medicine will give me a hand. But it’s true, I’m scared Leigh.

Long Island wrote:

This is terrible news about Two Tonys. It saddens my heart greatly.

Two Tonys responded:

Don’t let this thing I got make your heart sad. I sort of deserve a little ass kicking.

Thanks for all of your wishes and thoughts. Keep in touch.


Two Tonys

Click here to read Two Tonys’ previous letter.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments for Two Tonys to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Debt Star


Can You Say, "Capital Flight?"

Today's term boys and girls is "capital flight."

You see, when a government treats corporations and companies like an abused wive or whipping boy, those companies have a tendency to want to leave. So if you tax them at, oh I don't know, 40% and villify them, like, oh, I don't know, THE OIL INDUSTRY, they will simply leave.

Say it with me now; C-A-P-I-T-A-L F-L-I-G-H-T

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Premature Celebration

So housing starts were HIGHER than expected, driving the Dow Jones up to 7,300.

Wow! Isn't that great! Housing starts were higher than economists expected.

Let me put this into perspective for you.

See that little blip that I highlighted in the red circle? Yeah, that liiiiiiittle, teeny weenie, blip. Yeah, the one that looks like all the other minor blips before it? Yeah, that's what people are all getting excited about.

Let me explain something to the idiots on Wall Street who, despite their Ivy League degrees and cash from their mommy and daddies, are still idiots.


Now I know Minneapolis isn't the same as the nation, but I gander it's roughly the same. Months supply of housing is at 7 months. This is 2 months HIGHER than what is deemed to be balanced. The market is STILL OVERSUPPLIED.

And now builders are going to BUILD MORE OF IT????

Now, let's put on our economic thinking caps, and try really really hard and ask ourselves what we learned at Harvard's economics 101 class about supply and its affect on prices. If supply goes up, then PRICES GO DOWN. And this is just housing starts, doesn't even include all the foreclosures now hitting the market, let alone the phantom inventory of homes that once there's a hint of prices recovering will flood the market keeping prices low for a long time.

Additionally, let me tell you something about real estate developers and home builders. The dirty little secret is they're not economists. They're actually galactically retarded when it comes to economics. They never looked at supply figures before hand and they certainly aren't looking at them now. They're making the same mistake they made back in 2007 and flooding an already flooded market with more housing. The reason they do this is because developers are in it for the same thing bankers are;

The size of the deal and bragging rights, not profit.

They have no real skill or trade outside home building and with their egos inflated during the housing boom, why they have to keep up their faux "multi-million dollar real estate developer" image and therefore are itching to start the latest multi-million dollar development just to save their bloated egos (even though it will be guaranteed to lose money). The "City Center" project in Las Vegas is a perfect example of just what idiotic egomanics these schmucks are.

And the stock market so optimistically shooting up on this paltry and pathetic data is just proof how addicted, desirous, if not demanding the market has become of inflating asset prices and asset bubbles instead of solid economic growth and corporate earnings.

Give Me $1,000,000 or the Environment Gets It

The thing I don't like about global warming (aside from the fact it's completely fabricated) is the pompousness of it all. That those who "go green" are some how good and noble people and those of us who don't bring a freaking reusable cloth shopping bag when we go grocery shopping are evil. The reality of it is that "going green" is the perfect "crusade" leftists like because it requires no real work, makes not real difference, yet it makes them feel like they're doing something and gives them something to point to to say, "SEE, SEE!!!! I'M RECYCLING! YOU'RE NOT!!! OH SURE, YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER WHO DESIGNED A MEDICAL DEVICE THAT SAVED THOUSANDS AND I'M JUST THIS WORTHLESS COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, BUT I PICKED UP A PLASTIC BOTTLE! I'M JUST AS GOOD AS YOU ARE!"

Somehow, deep down inside, I don't think even they believe it.

Regardless, society bends over and grabs their ankles to accommodate this insanity and thus I get lectured every day by inane commercials;

"We here at Chipolte are concerned about the environment, that's why our beef is organic."

"We here at Wells Fargo have gone green, saving three sheets of paper per week."

"We here at GM have made flex-fuel vehicles even though ethanol really produces more carbon emissions than gas."

How in god's name does a freaking bank "go green."

Ergo, I came up with something we all can do on the right/sane/capitalist/non-brainwashed side of the force;

Do whatever we can to COUNTER-pollute.

For example, when I'm at the grocery store they ask me "paper or plastic." I say, "both."

Do I recycle them?

Heck no, I burn them, both.

If it's a beautiful day I do go for Sunday drives with my 8 cylinder Dodge that gets 16 MPG.


Don't know what the chemicals are when you burn it, but I'm sure it's bad for the environment. That's why when I have a grill out (using charcoal) I buy styrofoam plates and not paper.

Now there are many things we can yet still legally do, to basically undo all the faux environmentalism crap these frauds do just to make themselves feel better. But the best thing to do is be intellectually honest and give them a proposition;

"OK, you are so concerned about the environment and you TELL me to do all these things? How about this? Not only are you going to quit TELLING me to do all these things, you're going to pay me not to do these things. Matter of fact, I'll have an annual gallon o' gasoline burn off every month until you pay me $25,000. Better yet, you think global warming is going to harm the polar bears? How much will you pay me NOT to go and hunt five of them down? You don't like my 8 cylinder car and my Sunday drives while I smoke a cigar? Well, why don't you make a contribution to my environmental fund?"

The solution to this stupidity was so simple, it was easy to miss. Just do the opposite of what these nutjobs say and when somebody says, "Do you recycle? Do you drive a Prius?"

Say, "No, I undo all the "good" you did by doing the opposite. And I will continue to do three times as many damage as you do, until you quit lecturing me or pay me $25,000."

Thus, I think what we should do is set an "Global Warming Day" where we purposely try to emit as much carbon and greenhouse gases up into the atmosphere until my fund receives (Dr. Evil accent)


How's June 1st sound? Nothing going on June 1st? Let me know. I'll make the more official rules. "JUNE FIRST, GLOBAL WARMING DAY!!!!"

Collapse Predicted a Long Time Ago

Yeah, it's called "Social Security."

I Love It When I'm Right

For those of you who read the book, I just had this forwarded to me.

It's the destination resort out in the middle of nowhere.

Wow, who would have guessed it would have gone under.

Oh, wait, I did, about 4 freaking years ago!
17 Mar 09

The Dangers Involved with a Gay Cellmate (Part 3 by Warrior)

Warrior - Serving fourteen years for kidnapping and aggravated assault. Half Hispanic and Scottish-Irish with family still in Mexico. Brought up by a family steeped in drug commerce. He writes some of the best prison-fight stories on the Internet.

Then the drama began. “So you celled up with Sasha I see,” Chuco said.“Daniel you mean?” I replied.“Oh, my bad, Daniel,” he said sarcastically. “You know that’s a violation, right?”
“Violation? No. Tell me how?”
“Raza isn’t to cell with fags.”
“Check it out, homeboy. Are you plugged in?” [Connected to the gangs?]
“Nah, dog. I just hold it down for the run since the big homie [Mexican Mafia member] left. He left me in charge.”
“Check it out then. If you ain’t got a shield on your body [gang membership tattoo], you’re no one to call me and my actions into question. I have authority to pass, go and collect 200 [Warrior is in good standing with the gang] on my way north to S.M.U.. As fast as possible. If you have a problem, just let me know now. As far as my cellie, I don’t see any paperwork that says he’s in violation. Nor are their any Brothers here making any calls regarding him.”
Chuco gave me a dirty look. I’d made an enemy. I didn’t care though. Why I decided to stick up with the kid is beyond me. As you get older and wiser through experience, you have a more in-depth understanding and realize everyone deserves the right to live and be. Plus Chuco’a arrogance and ego just rubbed me the wrong way. Despite it all, we both knew I was in the right.
“I hear you, homeboy,” Chuco said. “I may not have authority over you, but I do as far as the run is concerned. When the opportunity is there, your cellie is gone.”
“Do what you must,” I replied.
I received the silent treatment the rest of rec. The tension was apparent.

Back in my cell, I ran down the incident at rec to Daniel. Unfortunately, I told him I was in no position to get involved with his issues. I told him he needed to make a decision as to what to do. Once again, I witnessed the fear in his eyes as he said he knew what he had to do.

A few days past, and I went to lockup visit. I came back and Daniel was gone. He decided to go into protective custody. He left a note saying thanks for not hurting him and explaining the whole dynamic. He promised to get his life together. I don’t know whether he did or not.
Later that day, I received a note from Chuco. More of an apology for coming across abrasive with a thank you for “running off the fag.” He said he didn’t care where my cellie went as long as he was gone.

Sometimes survival, moral values and community ideas will clash. In prison this happens more often that not. Depending on where you decide to lean on any given circumstance, there are always potential consequences.
For me, I try to lead and follow by character. I ask myself, How much character do I hold for myself and how much do I allow my environment to have? In the back of your mind you can’t help but wonder, Will I make it out of here one day? When you reach the end of the ride, only then do you know for sure that you were able to deal with it all.

Click here to read Part 2.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Warrior to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Monday, March 16, 2009

What You Find on Patrol on the Washington Avenue Bridge

Many years ago, when the Captain was just a rookie private in this grand scheme of life, he worked at the police department at the U of MN for their campus security program. And kind of a hobby I wish I was more thorough about was that I would grab various fliers and posters on the limitless poster boards that piqued my interest or I found interesting. As I said I wished I did it more, because there were some really interesting fliers/posters not from an intellectual sense but from an artistic sense, yet I only grabbed a handful.

Regardless, on all of the U of MN campus, the most common place you'd find posters and fliers would be the Washington Avenue bridge which spanned the Mississippi and connected the East and West banks of campus. And that's where I found this one below (recently rediscovered as I am cleaning out my house);

I certainly hope Tom found the girl. A very Cappy Cap salute to Tom, wherever he may be.

I'll be uploading more, no so much for economic commentary, but more to have a digital record of what I found.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

So I'm Watching MANSWERS...

And they ask the question;

"How much can a pimp make?"

Among the many interesting statistics (women pull an average of .7 tricks per hour, roughly translating into $560/day in earnings), the most interesting was the average cut the pimp takes.




No, they take on average 80% of the earnings.

I personally have a hard time believing it, but given it's the black market and thus no government intervention and thus a truly free market, there has to be a logical reason for an 80% cut.

I'm think the women need to form a union.

Jimmy Hoffa, where are you?

Obama Wish List

I think this was from Michelle Malkin's blog, but I'm not sure. Just wanted to throw it up here in case people hadn't seen it yet (click on it to enlarge):
DOJ Finally Investigates Arpaio for Civil Rights Violations (by Dan Pochoda, Legal Director, ACLU of Arizona)

Yesterday (11 March 09), the Department of Justice sent a letter to Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio. The letter began:

"This is to inform you that the United States Department of Justice is commencing an investigation of the Maricopa County Sheriff's Office…" After years of skepticism about the "upside down" civil rights division in the past administration, it was a uniquely welcome moment.

The importance of this announcement cannot be underestimated for folks in Arizona, nor the level of disappointment that a failure to effectively follow through would engender. Arpaio, along with Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas and their allies in the Arizona legislature, have had free reign during the past five years to implement a reactionary agenda based on images of brown hordes ending the "American" way of life. In his obsessive quest for "illegals," Arpaio has wasted millions of taxpayer dollars literally terrorizing communities of color that consist overwhelmingly of hard-working persons — most U.S.citizens. As stated by one county supervisor, "if you have brown skin there is not anything you can do to not be stopped."

The past year we've seen the beginning of an effective resistance movement focusing on Arpaio and on abuses by other local law enforcement agencies throughout the country that are empowered to enforce federal immigration law. Activists, religious groups and a few public officials have taken stands in opposition to Arpaio's racist practices — an unpopular and at times risky position. Unfortunately, then Arizona Governor Janet Napolitano, now Homeland Security Chief, was not amongst these persons, and Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) remains deafeningly silent in the face of Arpaio's continuing human rights violations.

Yesterday's letter from the Civil Rights Division of the DOJ incorporates language from the complaint in the ongoing racial profiling litigation against Arpaio brought by the ACLU of Arizona, the ACLU Immigrants' Rights Project and Mexican-American Legal Defense and Education Fund with lead firm Steptoe & Johnson. The letter demonstrates that effective organizing and advocacy can result in local and national attention and criticism.

Arpaio's actions and the use of local law enforcement to unfairly target Latinos has become an overarching question of pragmatism versus principle. The response of the DOJ and ultimately ICE — and Congress — will reveal which path the new administration takes.

swine flu Tags: Arizona, Rescued, ACLU, Joe Arpaio, Sheriff Joe, immigration policy, Department of Justice, investigation (all tags) :: Previous Tag Versions sswine flu

Email comments and questions to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Saturday, March 14, 2009

The Classic Case Against the Quants

Today the Captain conducts his job search kind of half heartedly.

He sees little reason to earn more than what he makes on book sales, DVD sales, online classes and rental income in that if he were to get a full time job the majority of that money would be taxed away and sent to bribe the parasitic masses who voted for Obama via social program, government jobs, etc., etc. In other words, does the Captain commit to waking up at 7AM every morning, work all day, teach dance at night, and then somewhere in there continue managing this awesome blog, only to have 50% of that money taken away, or does he just cut back on spending and live the ole college life, keep the majority of his money and sleep till 11AM every morning and keep the majority of his money?

It's a real tough choice.

But, still, out of habit I apply for jobs and look for speaking gigs whenever I can get them.

This being the case I came across a job that perked my interest, not because it looked like an interesting job, but because I had interviewed at the company many times before for similar jobs and it's one you and I and everybody else all knows;


And the reason it perked my interest is that it's a "senior model validation analyst."

Now let me tell you why it should not only pique my interest, but also yours. You see, GMAC received a $6 billion bailout from you, the taxpayer. The reason they received the bailout is because they got in head over heels on the sub prime mortgage debacle.

Now where this gets interesting is that while I applied for many of GMAC's analyst/statistician/modeler type jobs, I was summarily shot down for all of them. And presumably these jobs were given to people who were better qualified. You know, people who are better qualified enough to predict and shield GMAC from, oh, I don't know, A HOUSING CRASH?

Yet, despite these presumed better qualifications, could they have potentially screwed up any more? I mean, come on, these are "big time PhD's and masters degrees economists and statisticians. Why, we're so smart, we have incredibly powerful models that will predict the next time you'll have flatulence."

Yet despite all these genius quants and econometricians, they failed to predict something as easy as the sun rising; the housing crash.

Now I know quants like to brag about their models. Yes, you managed to use all the letters in the Greek alphabet in your model. Congratulations. Wonderful, that will impress the girls and allow you to brag in front of other nerds. Sadly though, these models, no matter how complex are finite and will inevitably fail in the fact the market is dynamic. Just ask the geniuses at Long Term Capital Management.

In the meantime, do you think maybe, just maybe, like girls you should approach the problem with a little bit less math and a little more common sense? A little bit of independent thinking? You know, like how girls like the individual guy, not the droves of Amber Crombie and Fitch wearing drones, maybe your "model" should include only half the letters of the Greek alphabet and maybe a little more "gut instinct?"

Never mind, large multi-billion dollar corporation that just received a $6 billion bailout? Right, try righting that ship. Who am I kidding?

I'll just continue to sleep in till 11AM.

Krugman Mankiw Bet

This is how much of a genius I am. I said this BEFORE MANY TIMES. 2006.

Now Mankiw is getting it.

Come on KRUGMAN, you pathetic excuse for an economist. TAKE THE BET!!!!!

His Nobel Prize would be worthless if he doesn't.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Time for Captain Capitalism's 2009 Annual Chart Contest!


I almost forgot! It's already March and we haven't had our annual chart contest!

Yes, a contest where Cappy Cap readers submit their bestest and greatest charts in the hopes of winning luxurious prizes!!!!

"What prizes?" you ask, well I'll tell you.

The winner of the 2009 Annual Captain Capitalism Chart Contest will win;


An instructional dance video of your choosing (Salsa, Latin, Swing or Ballroom - a different girl for every dance!)

A signed photo of the Captain!


$10 US dollars (which depending on the exchange rate, may very well be worthless in a couple weeks)

How can you possibly resist to participate and compete in this contest!?

Send your charts to;


ALL charts will be posted (assuming they're aren't completely lame or perverted) and the winner will be announced whenever I feel like it!

Go, do it now! NOW! QUICKLY! DO IT!!!
13 Mar 09

Question Time with Two Tonys

Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming." Recently diagnosed with liver cancer, and is in chemotherapy fighting to prolong his life.

Cat Eyes wrote:

For Two to T. I don't know what to say except isn't death a mandatory part of life? I've never been confronted to my own death only life so far and can't imagine what you are feeling, perhaps you might see it as an exit...you are after all getting out of prison just not the way you would have hoped. As we say in French when someone is going on a trip... Bon voyage. Make it a good one. I enjoyed discovering your character in Shaun's written words. These I suspect will be the most difficult yet fulfilling last months of your life because you are high on emotion. Be well. Love Cat Eyes

Two Tonys responded:

Cat Eyes,

I agree death is a part of life, and perhaps if I were sitting in a nice house watching grandchildren play, or in a mansion waiting for my young trophy wife to come down the stairs, so we can get in the Lamborghini to go to dinner, sure I’d worry about death, and who she will be loving after my death. But this old life I’m in is nothing like that.
To be real honest with you, the dying is not scary, it’s the suffering and pain of dying that worries me. I guess I’m a coward along those lines. Those whose lives I had to take went fast, adrenaline was flowing. They died in seconds. Now how long is a second? If you’re walking along the beach at sunset with Heidi Klum a second is over fast. But if your balls are on a hot grill, a second is a lifetime. We’ll find out as this thing in me progresses.

Click here to read Two Tonys’ previous letter.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments for Two Tonys to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Chart More Beautiful Than Denise Richards

Denise Richards is in the Captain's humble opinion the most attractive woman in the world. I would perhaps even forgive her if she were the typical Hollywood liberal.

However, again, I have updated my favorite chart, and I'm sorry, the chart is just a smidgen better looking that Denise.

Look at the inverse relationship between housing starts and unemployment. AND also note the exponential change to both. What makes it even better is the quant drone that e-mailed me one day saying there was no statistical relationship between housing and I should leave the real economics to real economists.

Oh, silly little quants. Go start some Long Term Credit Management company or something.

In the mean time go to your right and donate cash or something for Sindi and Natsha's "Heels and Ammo Fund" -------->

Blame Capitalism

Interesting chart showing the progressive march towards higher standards of living in China IN JUST 20 SHORT YEARS;

And you want to know how they did it? They "stimulated" their economy by pursuing capitalism.

I know, I know, it's falling on deaf ears. Maybe when those ears can no longer hear because of malnutrition because cap and trade put all the farmers out of business they might pay attention. In the meantime enjoy watching the US' bell curves shift to the left.

"Dame" is NOT Sexist

Dear feminists who have no skill and make their living by criminalizing normal behavior as since you have no real skill, you are otherwise unemployable and need to shake people down.

The term "dame" is not a derogatory remark. It is used by old fashioned classy men to describe old fashioned classy women.

If you are so foolish as to lecture me or any one else about the "improper" use of this term, then you can enjoy the life you've chosen of shaking people down for made up crimes which is nothing more than a parasitic existence, as long as you know FULL WELL YOU WILL SACRIFICE A REAL LIFE WITH A REAL GUY AND ANY SEMBLANCE OF REAL LOVE OR AT LEAST FRIENDSHIP.

Jesus Freaking A. Christ.

How do you people live life?

Seriously. Do you stay awake at night trying to find reasons to be insulted? What kind of a life is that? Is it you have no social abilities, no qualities or traits that attract members of the opposite sex, or heck, just no qualities and traits that make people want to be your friend that you have to engage in such childish and pathetic behavior?



South Pacific had a song. It was heralding dames.

Humphrey Bogart used the term frequently and in high regard.

Men in WWII just wanted and spilled blood for dames.

And it's every American males God given right to use the term "dame."

And all you schleps can do is bitch and whine about it when a guy says TO SOME OTHER WOMAN WHO ISN"T YOU, "you're a cute dame?"

Go to hell.

Although, something tells me you're so screwed up you're already in your own personal hell.

In the meantime, I officially decree all men shall continue to use the word "dame" if only to compliment the true classy women who are smart enough to appreciate the endearing moniker and to piss off those that are so childish and pathetic that they truly deserve to be pissed off.

I can't believe I have to write about this stuff.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

One Simple Question

This will be one of my shortest, but most poignant posts.

If it was just a simple matter of causing economic growth through "stimulus" programs, then by default why haven't we just "stimulated" ourselves via government action to income per capitas of $250,000 per year?

When you answer that question you'll not only have debunked all of Keynesianism and Obamanomics, but set a leftist on the path towards becoming an adult (ie-a capitalist).

Suckers Rally

Today's term is "suckers rally."

Can you say that kids? "Suckers rally."

Japan, the path the US has paralleled on a nearly 100% genetically identical manner, had several of them after their big bubble went poof. And in the end is still down 75% from its high nearly 20 years ago. If we followed the Japanese Nikkei, the Dow Jones would be roughly 3,500 by 2030.

Can you say, "I'm working past 65?"

I knew you could.
11 Mar 09

Guest Writer: Lifer David – The Justice League of America

David is serving life in prison in Texas.

In the county jail, we lived with a pack of youngsters we referred to as the Justice League of America. Young, heavily tattooed, absonant and ignorant. When the nurse came in the afternoon to pass out medication through the Plexiglas-windowed door to the pod, they’d strip down to their boxers, or worse, don sheets and blankets like 13th century capes to shield all but the nurse from their immorality, and fly, fly away to the door. Once there, they stood for twenty minutes or so, side by side, with their capes draped from raised and hooked elbows, and masturbated in front of her. The various reactions ranged from rage to encouragement, but the hunching movements of their draped backs was always the same, until the police stormed the scene, and the Justice League, very unsuperherolike, scampered back into the dark recesses from where they came. This unimaginable sequence of events was an almost daily ritual.

One day, an individual came to our pod with only hours to serve for traffic tickets. He arrived at 2:30pm, and was scheduled to eat dinner and be processed out by midnight. During this time, the Justice League was out and about, and when this individual, with the dull eyes of a mannequin, saw them masturbating, he followed their line of fire to the nurse passing out meds. I saw the gears in his head grinding against an immense force of immobility as he processed the opportunity at hand. Then he had his eureka moment, dropped his mattress on the floor, looked at the Justice League, pulled his pants down, looked at the nurse, then he raised his hand from his bare hip and…
I ran. I ran roaring with wild-eyed laughter to the partitioned set of bunks where I was housed, and told my roommates, who were perennial horseplayers, what was taking place in our pod. Oh how we laughed. This was long before I realized the evil of the situation.

Inmates who masturbate openly in front of females, but only do it sometimes, secretly and selectively, are referred to as in “the game,” as in the “jack game.” But those like the Justice League, and their animalian cousin, who do it regularly and openly, are referred to as “jack monsters.” On the surface, that’s a light-hearted term of endearment that brings to mind that cuddly blue beast, the Cookie Monster, and his boyish, innocent love for chocolate chip cookies.
But when you consider the female staff concerned, it is a form of rape. Not of touch, but of sight. The members of the Justice League were true monsters indeed.

Click here to read more from David at his blog Prison Proxy.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Lifer David to writeinside@hotmail.com or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood


When I was a whopping 9 years old my siblings and I got to see "Footloose" in 1984 which given the make out scene was about the closest to a rated X movie we had ever seen.

Didn't pay much attention to the plot. Knew there was some kid who could dance and was a good fighter. Then there was some guy with a truck and some antlers. Totally grossed out by the french kissing. And there was this angry pastor who I was later to find out was John Lithgow.

Now fast forward 20 odd years and all of the sudden I'm starting to appreciate the political statement of Footloose, not because of being a pastor's kid and being banned from dancing in the Wisconsin synod, not because of going to parochial school where they guarantee to make your kid hate religion, and not because of the nightmares I endured of dating a just a mere handful of born again Christians, but because today


I at the age of 34

have lost not one,

but three private dance gigs this spring alone because.....(are you ready for this?)


Now I am not an expert on love or marriage. I am not an expert on weddings nor receptions. But from what I can tell since when the f%ck has the wedding been about people other than the bride and groom? And if the bride and groom would like to have something as sinful as BALLROOM-FREAKING-DANCING could the god damned (pun intended) church be so kind as to accommodate them on this simple and innocent request?

No, apparently not, apparently it is 1984 in more ways than one.

Now I'm going to say it again, as I've said before, if religions around the world would like to bolster their enrollment (particularly Christian ones) and not drive people away then maybe they ought to loosen up and ditch their outmoded, obsolete and outright insane and pointless rules.

I'm by no means telling them to ditch the fire and brimstone or the morality and laws, but the sects or strains of Christianity where they criminalize and villainize sex and attraction to the opposite sex to guilt trip and control the masses are going to do nothing but hasten their demise. Sex is meant only for procreation (dated one gal that believed that)?

Kissing should only occur after engagement (dated another gal that believed that)?

Dressing sexy for her husband would be considered immoral (guilty again in dating a girl that believed that)?

Are you freaking kidding me?

And now, ballroom dancing is a sin and should be banned.

It's kind of like watching the stock market crash as Obama implements (or even mentions) his socialist fiscal policies. The people wondering why the market is crashing and the economy tanking are just as clueless as the heads of the churches watching their enrollments drop and congregations shrink.