Wednesday, December 31, 2008

And a Happy New Year

I was thinking about making a New Year's resolution to not engage in economic schadenfreude and take glee in the pain of others.

Then I thought about all the pain these sub prime deadbeats are causing the economy and all the banks that are asking me for my tax dollars to pay for their stupid mistakes, not to mention all the gray haired middle age bankers who scoffed and laughed at me and my ilk when we said there were problems in the housing market. And so on second thought, naaaahhhh, I'm going to continue to gloat;

And thus, let me give you the 2008/2009 New Year's Toast

May your houses and Mercedes get repossessed.
May you lose the job you earned through having nice hair and kissing the boss' ass at the expense and integrity of the firm.
May your toxic wife leave you as you no longer can establish a line of credit to rent her.
May your children actually have to pay their own way through college and learn to hate you as you spoiled them this entire time and accustomed them to an unsustainable level of living with other people's money.
May you never travel to Europe, Arizona or any other luxury trips ever again.
May the IRS come knocking at your door this April.
And may you have to get a real job and produce something of worth.


Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Sheriff Joe Arpaio's Towers Jail in Phoenix

Postcards from Long Island (5)

Long Island - Promising young cellmate I taught to trade the financial markets. Released on the 11th of December '05 and rearrested this year. Alleged to have committed forgery and hit an officer with a car. He is writing from Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Towers jail.



On the front page of yesterday's paper, Joe Arpaio is charging us $1.25 for meals! He was quoted saying "it costs me $2 a day to feed them, so I'm giving them a bargain." What a scumbag!

Do you remember me telling you about the federal judge that finally ruled on the lawsuit against Arpaio [Graves v. Arpaio]? I was able to get the transcripts from the ruling. They’re extremely long with a lot of obscure legal verbiage. However I’m going to list for you on the following postcards the rulings that Arpaio must comply with by Jan 9th. Some of them he has already, reluctantly, complied with.

Before I go any further, my daughter turned 1 year old on Dec 4th. She’s beautiful and it’s beginning to look like I’m not going to miss too much of her life. I’m in such a better place mentally and spiritually. This year has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Believe it or not a man named Father Thomas comes and sees me once a week and has helped me tremendously.

Here we go with some of the court ruling…

It has to be therefore ordered, adjudged, and decreed

1) Only 2 people per cell in Towers jail, not 3.

2) Housing temperatures do not exceed 85 degrees.

3) Provide cleaning supplies to all cells.

4) Provide functioning and sanitary toilets and sinks.

5) Pre-screening for segregation issues.

6) Ready access to medical and mental health care needs.

7) Prescription medication without interruption.

8) One hour of rec at least 4 days a week.

9) Provide food that meets the U.S. Department of Agriculture Dietary Guidelines for Americans.

10) Inmates in psychiatric unit are visually observed.

11) Maximum Towers jail population is 880. Up until recently we had 1500 people triple bunked.

12) Efforts made to eradicate rats and mice.

That’s pretty much all of the highlights. This place is still absolutely miserable, but it’s getting better. Now we’re dealing with the blatant retaliation from the officers. They’re being forced to do all kinds of extra work, so of course we’re being locked down and put on restriction for any little thing. For example, our last round of restriction was for 96 hours for excessive linen in our cells. Basically, extra towels and boxers. Excuse me for wanting to change boxers more than once a week! Or maybe use a fresh towel every once in a while.

Take care, Shaun

Your friend,

Long Island

You might think that the erratic behavior of Joe Arpaio, the brutal televised death of Robert Cotton and cover up by the MCSO, the scathing rebuke of Arpaio's management of the Maricopa County Jails by the U.S. District Court in the Graves v. Arpaio decision, the raid on Mesa City Hall resulting in the arrest of a handful of cleaning ladies, and his continued abuse of his authority would continue to drive his poll numbers into the ground.

You would be right.

Thanks to these events and others, recent polls show that Joe Arpaio's approval ratings with the public are now well below the 50% level for the first time in his 16 long years as Sheriff.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Long Island to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Sunday, December 28, 2008

A Scum Sucking Parasite Called "Aramis"

I wanted to highlight this group of "men" out there who claim to be "rich" but perpetually post losses on their tax returns. It gets back to some previous posts I've made wherein the housing crash and financial crisis was caused largely by "men" who never made a profit, but just moved large quantities of money around, siphoning off money for themselves to live off of and afford themselves a faux jet-set life style. Thus, I present to you an excerpt from my book about a scum sucking parasite called "Aramis;"

"While Zorba was the last of the three musketeers I dealt with, Aramis was the first. And though not as eccentric as Zorba, he too had his similarities and eccentricities. Like Zorba, Aramis was also a “super tan man.” Though without the Hawaiian shirt in January and a medallion nestled in his chest hair, his hue told me he was also spending an inordinate amount of time in a tanning booth or on a beach. Additionally, Aramis was in real estate, and like Zorba was what I called a “pretty boy” real estate developer. “Pretty boy” meaning they may have been the “developer” of a property, but they weren’t the actual ones laboring to build the property. The “real” developers wore work boots to the bank and dusted up our chairs with sheetrock dust. The Three Musketeers just moved money around. Aramis was also a good friend of the banker, and like Zorba would talk about actual business 10% of the time and grilling, drinking, boats, cars and golf the remaining 90% of the time. They were quite the same.

But while Aramis and Zorba were similarly exotic, the deal he brought into the bank was so commonplace and overdone that the details are not worth explaining. Aramis was a developer who wanted some amount of money to build some new twin home development, in some far flung suburb, targeting some group of young folk. Aramis hadn’t conducted any kind of absorption study, therefore compelling me to pull some quick supply figures. These figures would show an excessive and gluttonous level of similar housing in the area which would guarantee the spectacular demise of this development. But of course I would be countered with the argument these developments were different because they threw a duck feces-infested pond in the back, had a club house or some other such thing, and therefore would not only sell, but sell faster and for more than the comparables. Besides which, Aramis could personally guarantee the loan; please write it up anyway.

It was the same broken record song I had heard a million times before.

But while his deal was common, Aramis had two exceptional and unique skills; tax returns and guilt tripping.

In true real estate developer tradition, Aramis furnished nowhere near the amount of documentation necessary to fully and adequately analyze his proposal. And like most other developers before him, he failed to file his taxes on time, had to file an extension and so we were stuck with a 2005 tax return that was now approaching 19 months old.

But what was most disturbing wasn’t that his tax return was dated, but that it showed a loss in 2005. And not only that, but his 2004 tax return also showed losses. Given his stories that paralleled Zorba’s about going out on the boat, Arizona golfing trips and other such luxuries, I found it odd that according to my tax returns I made more money than this presumed real estate mogul, yet I was not living his middle-aged-man, Metamucil jet set lifestyle. This, combined with a dearth of other documentation I needed to write up the loan, made it highly unlikely we were going to approve Aramis’ latest real estate development.

When I presented my findings to the banker, particularly the fact he had lost money in two years that were presumably banner years for real estate, I was more confident than usual this deal would be shot down. But as bankers became more and more desperate as the housing situation became progressively more dire, surprises became more and more frequent, and I was about to get one of the most outlandish lines that would resurrect my now perfected credit union face of disbelief;

“Well, he shows losses on his tax returns to lower his tax bill. He makes a lot of money; he’s just trying to hide his income.”

Being a capitalist and understanding the natural incentive to lower one’s tax bill, I could appreciate an individual taking whatever legal measures necessary to minimize their reported income. But I also knew the difference between cash expenses and non-cash expenses, as well as stated profits and cash flow. It was one of the most incredulous lines of BS I had ever heard in my entire banking career.

“Oh, I know that he’s showing losses on his tax returns. Oh, and I know it was during the two best years in real estate history. But you see, he’s really making money. He has $4 million in cash just floating around. You just don’t see it. But it’s there. It’s invisible! It’s magic money!”

Additionally, the banker said it so matter-of-factly I almost sensed he was trying to insult me or make it sound like this was common knowledge. That all multi-millionaires show losses on their tax returns. But he may as well have been trying to convince me it was just as common knowledge that gnomes protected the bank’s vaults at night with their swords that were made by magic Federal Reserve fairies.

Crazy as an excuse as it may have been, I had heard this excuse once before from another developer in my days at the credit union. But in his case it was legitimate as he furnished us with an audited personal income statement compiled by a reputable CPA firm which showed one time items had distorted his true income and cash flow. Therefore, this particular individual really did make some money and it was a one-time event he posted a loss. Thinking there was an outside chance this was something similar, I asked the banker if he had an audited income statement prepared by a CPA.

“Uh, no, he just has his tax returns” the banker responded.

Of course. The implication was I was just supposed to take this man on faith. I was literally to believe in magic, invisible money and the heroic Guardian Gnomes of the Bank Vault.

By now I was getting angry and tired. It was the same damn thing, over and over again;

Some real estate developer had an ill-thought out plan for a real estate project. The housing and economic data would prove it was doomed to failure. Bankers blinded by their greed for commission would ignore the realities and risks, and fight to have the deal approved. We’d get a direct order to write it up anyway, but when we’d try to analyze it, we were guaranteed to never have the documentation needed to analyze the loan. And now, not only did I have grossly inadequate documentation, I was to ignore what documentation I did have. I was to ignore the losses on this individual’s tax returns and just trust he was making lots of money or whatever else he wanted to tell me. I’d rather believe in the sword-making Federal Reserve Fairies.

Now visibly losing my patience, I asked the banker in a somewhat stern tone,

“How are we supposed to know what his cash flow is then? How am I to measure his ability to pay back this loan? How am I supposed to write up this loan? I can’t do this unless I get more documentation.”

He could hardly argue, even if his sole interest was getting a commission. Aramis had such a lack of needed documentation, plus the fact he was losing money according to his dated tax returns, it almost necessitated, even by the banker’s standards, we get more documentation. He said he’d put in a call and see what updated information he could get.

A week had gone by and as usual we did not receive any new documentation. However, instead of sending us his tax returns, Aramis himself was going to come to visit and talk to us about his real estate deal and answer any questions we might have. Returning to the airplane analogy, this would be like needing wings for a plane, and instead of the manufacturer sending us the actual wings, a representative would come to our office and talk about wings. Talking about wings would presumably be enough then to get the plane up in the air and flying. Of course it wouldn’t. All it would do is waste my time. I didn’t need Aramis to talk to me about a deal. I didn’t need Aramis to explain to me how his twin homes were different. I didn’t need Aramis to explain how he was making money. I needed Aramis to prove it. And the fact he wasn’t sending any documentation, audited or otherwise, meant I was going to have to suffer through another sales pitch, interweaved between stories of boat parties, golf trips, Viagra and the baby boomer bar scene that largely wouldn’t change a thing.

The banker introduced me to Aramis and despite there being snow outside, Aramis was sporting his nice, dark tan. We sat at a conference table and there I listened pointlessly for 30 minutes about Aramis’ business, how he was super busy working on all these real estate deals and hadn’t gotten around to filing his 2006 tax returns. But it should be of “no concern, because those tax returns would show losses anyway, which were irrelevant because he was just trying to lower his income tax bill. And say, did you see Frank by the way? Yeah, they went golfing in Tempe last week and boy did they get hammered. Their waitress was a hottie. And when are you coming out to the cabin?”

And like any other meeting or high school economics class, it was humanly impossible to pay attention, let alone care. Aramis could have told me all the stories he wanted. He could have told me how his business worked in detail (to the point that it would make sense). He could have told me he just discovered platinum in his back yard. He could have told me he personally knew Jennifer Aniston and she had a weakness for video game-playing economists. None of it would matter because he still wasn’t providing any documentation to back it up. The loan I was looking at was for a real estate development, plain and simple. He wasn’t able to prove to me he could pull it off, plain and simple.

The meeting concluded and I bid him farewell. I returned to my desk with no more information than I had before I went into the meeting. But ten minutes later, the banker came down and said,

“What did you do?!”

Confused, thinking there was nothing I could have possibly done, I asked,

“What? What did I do?”

“Aramis came all the way out here to talk about his business and you didn’t even act like you were interested,” he said. “You just completely ignored him!”

The banker was right. Not only did I act like I wasn’t interested, I genuinely was not interested. And while I did not completely ignore him, I wish I could have. For while we could have argued about civil pleasantries and standard banking etiquette, when it came to interacting with potential clients, all of that was irrelevant because there was no loan there to be made. Aramis was balking and was outright, albeit subtly, refusing to furnish us with the information we needed to do the loan. He was hiding something, and no matter how much the banker wanted to hound me or pressure me into approving this loan, I couldn’t underwrite it even if I wanted to.

But then came the stroke of genius that earned my hat tip to Aramis. His second skill; his ability to lay a guilt trip. Frustrated the banker said,

“Look, I just talked to Aramis and you don’t understand. Aramis is one of my best clients. For him to take the time to come talk to us is enormously generous on his part. And you did not even take the time to get to know him or learn about his business and that made him very upset. If you don’t talk to him or at least look at this loan, then he’s seriously thinking about taking his business to another bank.”

The irony and hypocrisy were staggering on so many levels.

First, if Aramis wanted to take his business to another bank, then fine, let him go. Part of the free market is competition. And you hope to outdo your competitors so you get a larger market share and thus make more profit. Therefore, not only do you strive to become the best, but if there is something you can do (legally) to weaken your competitors, then you certainly do it. And here was the perfect opportunity to weaken one of our competitors. He was the perfect Trojan horse. Aramis was a bad client and a bad loan. Every indication in the housing market and economy suggested a housing bubble and subsequent collapse, if it wasn’t occurring already. Aramis, completely unable to prove his ability to not only sell these twin homes, but personally guarantee the loan, meant some unlucky sucker of a bank would end up holding his worthless development in foreclosure and would be bleeding cash to float it. If we passed on this loan and a bank with lesser quality and credit controls took it, we just delivered a blow to our competition. If he wanted to pick up his toys and go home, let him.

Second, the “honor” and “privilege” to be in the presence of the great Aramis was a joke. The reason why is, when it comes to lending, it works the other way around. If there was anybody to be humble and kneeling it was him. He was the one asking us for money. And typically when you ask to borrow money you do so in a humble manner. You don’t bark orders or demand to be given a loan like a suburbanite princess demands to be given a convertible Cabriolet. Furthermore, the reality is if you are the one who wants to borrow money, then you are the one who has to prove you can pay it back. The arrogance of Aramis to not only refuse to furnish us with information that would prove his ability to pay back the loan, but his insistence we trust his word, was laughable.

Finally, if Aramis was such a big time real estate mogul, what in Heaven’s name was he doing dealing with a small time bank like us? If he was indeed that great and big of a player, then he would have been poached long ago by much larger banks that could lend him much larger amounts of money, and probably on better terms. The truth is he was a client this relatively new banker brought over from another small time bank and was an absolute nobody. Didn’t matter what he said he was or what he said his business did; none of the documents proved it. All they proved was he was a nobody. And a nobody that was losing money."

So buy the book already!

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Israel and Gaza

I don't know.

Maybe, don't shoot rockets into Israel next time?

Like just leave them be?

I know, crazy concept, people just don't like being shot at, but maybe, just maybe try it once and see if Israel in turn leaves you alone.

I love how the story shows nothing but Palestinian casualties (and how many of them I suspect are posed like this one).

'Toughest Sheriff' takes act to small screen
HOLLYWOOD, California (CNN) -- Reality television featuring law enforcement officers on the beat is nothing new. A show featuring a lawman who makes jailed inmates wear pink underwear and uses actors to trick suspects, however, is a new twist.
Maricopa County, Arizona, Sheriff Joe Arpaio -- whose showy brand of justice has raised charges of discrimination and civil-rights abuses while making him a hero among fans of his tough-on-crime attitudes -- will star in "Smile: You're Under Arrest."
The show, which premiers this weekend on Fox Reality Channel, features Arpaio and other officers using elaborate ploys crafted by comedy writers and carried out by professional actors to arrest suspects with outstanding warrants.
In one, a suspect is invited to a fake fashion shoot and told he's going to become a supermodel, according to Fox Reality's Web site. In another, a suspect is tricked into what he thinks is a job as a movie extra and, after a staged argument between the film's "director" and another actor, gets promoted to the starring role.
"It's kind of fun to show how stupid they are and, as I say, the looks on their face," Arpaio, 76, said of the suspects wanted for DUIs, drug charges, missed court dates and other offenses.
But Arpaio's critics aren't amused.
They say they fear the show will give the controversial sheriff positive publicity, ignoring what they call a darker side to his 16-year tenure as top lawman in the county that includes Phoenix.
"It's going to celebrate a sheriff that's frankly scaring this community, a sheriff that has seen violent crime increase significantly in his county, a sheriff that is racially profiling the Latino community, and I doubt that the show is going to reflect that," said Paco Fabian, spokesman for the immigrant-rights group America's Voice.

In a statement on the group's Web site, Fabian calls Arpaio a "modern day Bull Connor," comparing him to the public safety commissioner in 1960s Birmingham, Alabama, whose use of attack dogs and firehoses on civil rights demonstrators made him a symbol of racial intolerance.
Dubbed "America's Toughest Sheriff," Arpaio makes many of his county's 10,000 or so inmates live in tents. He reinstituted chain gangs -- including crews for women and juveniles -- banned smoking, coffee and movies in his jails and, most recently, moved to require all inmates with money in their jail accounts to pay for their own meals.

And then, of course, there's the pink underwear.

"They were stealing the white underwear, smuggling the underwear out of the jail," Arpaio told CNN. "So you know what? Give them pink. The other reason is they hate pink. Why would you give the 10,000 inmates the color they like?"
Earlier this year, the mayor of Phoenix wrote a letter to the U.S. attorney general's office, asking the FBI and the U.S. Justice Department's civil rights division to investigate Arpaio's aggressive illegal immigration crackdowns. Mayor Phil Brown wrote that Arpaio's sweeps show "a pattern and practice of conduct that includes discriminatory harassment, improper stops, searches and arrests."

The letter came after Arpaio, who had already been the target of hundreds of lawsuits, launched a series of what he calls crime-suppression patrols in largely Latino neighborhoods. Critics say the patrols use racial profiling to unfairly target Hispanic drivers and pedestrians, while Arpaio says they have resulted in the deportation of hundreds of illegal immigrants, including some with criminal records.
"We are the only ones cracking down on the state's human smuggling law," Arpaio said.
Fabian said America's Voice is considering putting pressure on companies that advertise during Arpaio's show. Either way, the series offers another moment in the spotlight for a lawman who has never shied away from it.
"I'm not going to brag," Arpaio said, "but there isn't anybody in the world who doesn't know who this sheriff is."
Email comments to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.
Shaun P. Attwood

Friday, December 26, 2008

You Will See Valkyrie

I smell a fish.

And the fish I smell is the whisper/smear campaign against the movie "Valkyrie."

Ever since it went into production it was befuddled by a bevy of problems, set backs and delays.

Then the German government/people were complaining about the movie and some complained about Tom Cruise having the audacity to make a movie of one of the nation's greatest heroes (which the Germans seemingly failed to do in the past 60 years).

Because of all this I was hell-bound-determined to see the movie simply to spite what I suspect was a group of leftists/Tom-Cruise-haters/jerks that didn't want to see another movie about good guys vs. bad guys, sacrifice and duty and other such things those of lefter leaning ideologies love to hate succeed in the box office.

Saw it last night. Amazing movie.

I didn't know much about Von Stauffenberg aside from the historical facts of his attempt to assassinate Hitler. But the plotting, the scheming, how much all those men gave up (family, wives, children, careers) AND just how close they came to pulling it off, make this not only a very thrilling and engaging movie, but you learn a lot more beyond what you picked up in the history books.

Not to mention you have Eddie Izzard and Kenneth Branaugh as well as what I could count to be two actors from the Lord of the Rings trilogy that keep you looking for other actors you may not recognize.

So, do yourself a favor, ignore what preppy liberal elites write as they went from daddy's dime to major in journalism to working at USA Today or the NYT or whatever dying periodical they work for now and instead of report the news, try to create it or sway you one way or another.

It's a great flick, a great history lesson and a great tribute to a great man.

Monday, December 22, 2008

The Captain, Obviously, Does Not Endorse "Chedda"

Many readers have pointed out Google's Adsense has for some reason, put a deadbeat low life loser's advertisement on my blog (either that or he's a charlatan).

In any case, as no doubt most of you would surmise, I do not endorse "Chedda's" service. We here at Cappy Cap pride ourselves on the fact that we are all real men and women and support ourselves through work and not parasiting off the taxpayer. We here at Cappy Cap are not the lowest life form, known as the welfare bum. We here at Cappy Cap all are real adults, fully realizing that if the world was full of "Chedda's" there would be no motorcycles to buy with our "bling" that we stole from the non-existent taxpayers because there would be no economy by which to extract taxes from because we'd all be too busy lying around wondering why we're poor.

I shan't provide the link, for the scumbucket, real or not, doesn't deserve the traffic.

Melting Polar Ice; NOT!

This, among a limitless number of other examples, is why I view global warming as nothing more than a political scam of the most evil politicians to brainwash people or backdoor them into hating capitalism. Countless stories like this one about how there's so much less ice up in the polar caps. But then when you look at the actual data;

Oh, heh heh. Well we meant well, and well um, gee, you know uh this one village in Alaska had to move due to the lack of frost.

Meanwhile it's 20 below the average temperatures here in Minnesota and we're suffering one of the coldest winters in the past 20 years.

To all the global warming conspirators out there, go ef yourselves.

ht to Kate.

Christmas Card Made By Warrior
From Warrior (Letter 4)
Warrior - Serving fourteen years for kidnapping and aggravated assault. Half Hispanic and Scottish-Irish with family still in Mexico. Brought up by a family steeped in drug commerce. He writes some of the best prison-fight stories on the Internet.



Merry Xmas & Happy New Year. I wish you and your loved ones the best this holiday season.

First let me say thank you for the opportunity to write, explore and be heard. Thank you for the inspiration as I observe your coming success. Thank you for all your help with me to improve my writing, and for being a true genuine person.
You are a skilled writer and I know you’ll take your talent far. What we can envision, we create. What we create knows no bounds. If we see it, we bring it forth. Our inner energies make it so.

The holidays so far have been OK. It has been a bit crazy though for some of the other guys. The absence of family, along with everything else associated with the holidays, has created some volatile personalities. It always happens, toward the end of the year, like that. There were actually four riots last month alone. One has to be strong in will and mind in these times.

I was laughing at what you wrote about the extreme clowns. The funny thing is that I’ll bet there are dudes here with swazis on their dicks. Talk about being committed to a belief – ouch!

As the year closes, we reflect on the past events and imagine what the New Year may have in store. Hopefully, we’ve all grown wiser as individuals as we learn to master ourselves. It’s a time to appreciate who and what we have in our lives, not the lack thereof. As we try to bury old hates and frustrations, we should do so with open hearts and minds.
Life is so short, so live it unrehearsed. We want to be able to look back on life with no regrets, and to know we gave living everything.
In the end we must be good to each other, the world, and ourselves. This is the essence of character, the measure of a good life.

I believe this New Year will bring us more opportunities and recognition with the stories we have to offer. We’re a new flavor in the literary world – exposing what’s going on in America’s prisons. With our incarceration rate so high, it’s a flavor the world really needs right now – so lets keep writing!


Yes, Merry Christmas everyone! Here's to a successful New Year!
Our friends inside appreciate your comments.
Email comments and questions for Warrior to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood
23 Dec 08

Petition Against Sheriff Joe Arpaio

America’s Voice has started a petition demanding that the Honorable Michael Mukasey, Attorney General of the United States Department of Justice, investigate Sheriff Joe Arpaio for gross civil rights violations in the name of immigration enforcement.

If you are a U.S. citizen and wish to sign the petition click here.

America’s Voice has also compiled the following:

Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Notorious Record

2,700 Lawsuits Filed Against Arpaio
Between 2004 and 2007, 2,700 lawsuits were filed against Sheriff Joe Arpaio in Federal and County Courts – 50 times the number of New York, Los Angeles, Chicago and Houston combined. [Phoenix New Times, 6/10/08 and 12/7/07]

Arpaio Prioritizes Immigrant Sweeps Over Serving Felony Arrest Warrants
During an interview by the Arizona Republic, the interviewer pointed out in a question, “You get criticized by local law-enforcement agencies for not serving felony arrest warrants, shirking that responsibility in favor of immigrant sweeps, which requires manpower and other resources. Mayor Phil Gordon says you have created "a sanctuary county for felons" and that you have "40,000 felony warrants stacked on (your) desk." Why not go after the "real" criminals and actively serve outstanding arrest warrants, which local agencies see as a county obligation and responsibility?‟” [Arizona Republic, 4/27/08]

Study Finds Arpaio Targets Latinos
The Arizona Republic examined Arpaio's arrest logs from eight of his notorious and high-profile sweeps. The study “showed that deputies arrested more Latinos than non-Latinos during each of the operations; that even when the patrols were held in mostly White areas, deputies arrested more Latinos than non-Latinos; and that deputies arrested Latinos in greater numbers than non-Latinos following minor traffic violations.” [Arizona Republic, 11/24/08]

Mesa Police Chief: Arpaio’s Approach Hurts Community Safety
Mesa Chief George Gascon thinks “a wedge is being driven between the local police and some immigrant groups. Some law enforcement agencies are wasting limited resources in operations to appease the public's thirst for action against illegal immigration regardless of the legal or social consequences… If we become a nation in which the local police are the default enforcers of a failing federal immigration policy, the years of trust that police departments have built up in immigrant communities will vanish.” [New York Times, 7/31/08]

Phoenix Mayor Asks US Department of Justice to Investigate Arpaio
The Mayor of Phoenix, Phil Gordon, “wrote a letter to U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey asking that the Justice Department's civil-rights division and the FBI investigate Arpaio's immigration crackdowns. He alleged that the sweeps included "a pattern and practice of conduct that includes discriminatory harassment, improper stops, searches and arrests.”” [Arizona Republic, 11/24/08]

Members of AZ Legislature Support Mayor’s Call For Federal Probe of Arpaio
According to the AP, some members of the Arizona Legislative Latino Caucus are supportive of “…Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon‟s call for a federal probe into…Arpaio‟s recent crime sweeps in Hispanic neighborhoods. Lawmakers [said] the sheriff's tactics are tantamount to racial-profiling and reflect poorly on all Arizonans, regardless of their ethnic heritage.” [AP, 4/18/08]

Arpaio Stages Phony Murder Plot Against Himself, Accused Released for Wrongful Imprisonment, County Pays over $1 million to Settle
In 2004 a man was released from prison after being wrongly accused of plotting to kill Arpaio. Evidence suggested that Arpaio‟s office staged the plot and the County agreed to pay over $1 million to settle the case. The County‟s insurance policy paid an additional un-released amount. [Phoenix New Times, 10/28/08]

AZ Jewish Leaders Decry Arpaio’s Racial Profiling
According to the East Valley Tribune, AZ area rabbis “…said they found it distressing that it appears that people are being profiled and detained ... on the basis of their race and ethnicity, and that this policy is creating an environment of fear and intimidation in the community among both legal and illegal immigrants. "We feel that this policy can only lead to the further dehumanization of individuals and groups of individuals in our community"… Arpaio may be acting within the law, they said, but his actions are not consistent with America's founders "who passionately believed in the value of freedom and justice for all.” [East Valley Tribune, 4/18/08]

Arpaio Advocates Forced Labor
The Washington Post reports that Arpaio favors forcing jailed immigrants to sleep “in tents and feeding them bologna sandwiches,” Arpaio said. [Washington Post, 5/20/06]

Arpaio Proud of Increased Fear in Immigrant Community
“Some undocumented workers say they are afraid to drive because of Arpaio's crackdown. Others say they are considering leaving the state, which, advocates say, could hurt the economy. Arpaio said that indicates his crackdown, aimed at deterring illegal immigration, is working.” “If you say they are leaving, I have accomplished my mission,” Arpaio said. [Arizona Republic, 10/17/07]

Email comments to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

US Corruption Index comes out with one of my favorite measures, the Corruption Index. It attempts to simply measure corruption. The higher the score, the less corrupt the country is and vice versa. Typically topping the list are your Danish and Scandinavian countries like Finland and Denmark. And at the bottom of the list are your war torn African countries and hopelessly corrupt countries like Russia and China. However, they typically do not post the TREND of any one country and seeing there has been a fair amount of corruption recently in the US with this whole housing crisis and financial debacle and all, I was curious what the US looked like over time.

Though chaotic, a trend does seem to be occurring. The Corruption Index in the US is going down implying there is MORE corruption. However, I argue the Corruption Index is woefully underestimating the amount of corruption here or is a lagging indicator. I fully expect, along with all the other social and economic metrics of this dying nation, the Corruption Index will approach 6.2, dropping nearly a full point by 2010, putting it in league with Cyprus, Portugal and Botswana.

Alas, just another ounce to be added to the metric tons of empirical proof the US is collapsing.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Dog House

Freaking hilarious.

And people wonder why the Captain avoids marriage.
21 Dec 08

Fighting For No Good Reason (by Shane)

Shane - After being denied psychiatric medication by ValueOptions, Shane turned to illegal drugs financed by burglaries. The medication in prison caused him to suffer a period of spontaneous ejaculations. Shane is the author of the blog Persevering Prison Pages.

I could sense something was wrong as soon as I took my tray from the chow hall’s serving slot. It was an eerie feeling that heightened all of my senses. Knuckles white, I gripped my tray and headed to the second table from the back wall of the dining room, scanning the crowded room for anything out of the ordinary. Nothing.

Setting my tray down next to Saint’s, I sat. “Wassup?” I asked Saint, a self-proclaimed Christian warrior friend. Although saved by the crucifixion of Christ, Saint had no qualms about throwing down with anybody. He was in fact a fighter.
“Mexicans have beef with the blacks,” he whispered with a head gesture towards a table with two blacks seated at it.
Looking around inconspicuously, I spotted two guys talking, both from separate tables along the back wall. Shot-caller tables. A Mexican and white guy. This isn’t good, I thought.
White and Mexican shot-callers conversing in public meant something could jump off before a private meeting. That always made me nervous.

Picking at my lunch, I spied the two STG [Security Threat Group] heads turn back to their respective tables and converse with their tablemates.
A white boy left the table, leaned over and whispered something to a youngster at the table behind the one I was at. The leader abruptly turned and left the chow hall.

The youngster, a lanky tattooed longhair, stood with his empty tray in hand, looking pointedly at the guard standing sentry at the chow hall exit. The guard and longhair exchanged knowing looks, and subtly the guard left the chow hall locking the exit.

As the long hair walked towards the discard-tray slot, a path that passed by the table with the two black men at it, I whispered “Heads up,” to Saint.
Saint didn’t react.

Apparently, I wasn’t the only one watching, because as soon as the longhair neared the black table, both black guys stood up and went after him. After the first volley of punches landed, the longhair went down.
In slow motion, I saw a fluid wave of whites and vatos move across the room, before the longhair hit the floor, to engage the two blacks.
Another table of blacks stood, causing Saint to stand and throw his empty tray at one of them.
As Saint made a beeline for the closest black guy standing, I stood and looked around the room. Locking eyes with a light-skinned young black a couple of tables away and still sitting, I thought, Don’t do it. Don’t get up. Stay sitting. I watched him, waiting for any indication he planned to get involved.
Suddenly, an explosion of sparks clouded my vision and I staggered to my right, catching my balance by grabbing the nearest table.
Quickly regaining my bearings, I saw who had blindsided me and attacked. The thin dark black guy tried to sidestep my charge, but I extended my elbow, catching him in the mouth with my solid forearm.

In the pandemonium, food trays had landed on the floor, leaving a slick mess everywhere.
Trading glancing punches, I decided to take him down. Grappling with him, I managed to get him in a partial chokehold from behind. If not for his right hand caught in the hold, he’d have been fast asleep.
Walking forward, I laid him on top of the table, released his neck and punched him hard in the right side. Drawing back to punch him again, I felt somebody grab my arm. Spinning around, I threw a hammer-fist punch, connecting with flesh and bone. Somebody fell.

It was the sound of keys and yells of “Break it up! I’ll gas you! Break it up!” that snapped me out of fight mode.
There were a dozen guards now moving throughout the chow hall breaking up fights.
Seeing the longhair on the floor next to me, I helped him up and we headed for the now open exit, which was packed with guys trying to get out before gas was used.
“Why’d you hit me for?” the longhair asked, his face bloody and bruised.
The guard who’d locked the chow hall earlier was standing sentry again. He ushered us through, but stopped a black behind us with a bloody nose.

The yard was locked down for two days but no disciplinary tickets were written and only two guys went to the hospital. A black and a Mexican.

I never learned what the beef was, and it never came up again. Probably best I didn’t know because it’s usually not a good enough reason to fight over. However that’s how life is inside: fighting for no good reason.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments on Shane’s story to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Horses = Evil

Ah, the Toxic Wives become inexorably intertwined with horses.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Until We Rid Ourselves of Nepotists, the US Will Continue to Fail

Caroline Kennedy would like to become senator of New York.

Well who freaking wouldn't?

Hell, I wouldn't mind becoming a senator. Of course, it's along the same lines of listening to these 20 something girls who say, "Well I like traveling."

Again, who freaking wouldn't? They make it sound like it's a hobby they slave at or major in during college.

It's the issue of whether you are so luxuriously rich and paid for that you can AFFORD to travel. And thus it is the same thing when it comes to becoming senator.

If you can afford to become a senator, well then isn't it a cute little noble "hobby" for you? No, no, it's not a serious job where millions of people's lives depend on the decisions you make. No, it's like traveling or playing Barbie.

Now I've tried to warn you people about nepotists. It is the nepotists that are largely to blame for our problems today. People who had no skill, no game and no talent, but instead were put in charge of the country's most powerful positions because of who their daddy was.

George Bush the son of Bush '41.

Nancy Pelosi, daddy's girl of Baltimore's mayor.

Al Gore son of a senator.

Barack Obama, had mommy pay for everything to go to Harvard and went straight into politics and on the public dole

Ted Kennedy, brother of JFK, neither of which I recall built the empire Joseph Kennedy did.

Not one of these parasites and nepotists ever did a damn thing in their lives worthy or noble (bar JFK of course). Not one of these preppies ever worked a day in the private sector and therefore, no matter how many years of "public service" they have, are thereby incapable of making the real world, tough decisions every day normal REAL men and women like us have to. They got their jobs based on who their daddy was, their connections and no matter how bad they bungle it, because they have the money, they can afford the PR and campaign expenses to buy them a seat.

But as much as I loathe these inferior humans, they are ultimately not the ones to blame for their perpetual and dynasty like life long, and multi-generational long political careers.

It is the American people.

Americans have largely fumbled the ball on this one, somehow thinking we have to constantly and perpetually elect these scumbuckets into office. That we have no choice. But if there was something that told me Americans are forever lost and have completely abdicated their responsibility of being stewards of this democracy, it is this past election.

If I recall correctly, everybody wanted "change." And who got elected?

Joe Biden a 84 term senator and his never-set-foot-once-in-the-private-sector-community-organizer-cum-state congressman-cum senator-cum president-elect Barack Obama.

And who got berated, yelled at, and vilified?

Sarah Palin the only person in recent memory to run for office WHO WAS A FREAKING NORMAL PERSON. And what was the main criticism?

She doesn't have enough public experience.

The hypocrisy is only what socialists can conjure;

Palin didn't have enough experience, but Obama did.

We want change, but Palin would be a normal blue collar person like us. Let's go with the veteran, life long insiders.


And now, lil Miss Princess, Caroline Kennedy wants to become New York's senator.


Did she flip burgers?

Did she work retail?

Has she ever waitressed?

Did she pay her way through college?

No, of course not.

Oh, but you watch. You watch those "street smart" New Yorkers. They're going to fall for it hook line and sinker. They'll vote for her just like those moronic imbeciles in Boston voted for Ted Kennedy. And even though she has no clue, could not even fathom what normal hell it is to live a normal everyday person's life, oh, she's still somehow going to be able to help you. She's going to know what it's like to be facing foreclosure. She knows what it's like to have to scrimp and save to pay for health insurance. Oh, I'm sure she knows.

Americans, specifically, New Yorkers have a chance to pull their heads out of their asses and elect a normal person. And if you don't, then you can expect to have the same things;

A perpetuity of incompetent, spoiled brats who view public service as a cute little hobby and a means by avoiding work at all costs, and the economic mess we've gotten ourselves into.

Reminder to the Conservative Minnesotans

I know conservative Minnesotans think they can just work and then be left alone, but keep in mind that's how socialism gets installed in the first place. You, unfortunately, do have to work at keeping socialism at bay.

I know, I know, you view government as merely an entity to provide you public services like roads and defense and otherwise you don't want to hear from them, but an increasing percentage of parasites and scum-bag are progressively using it as a means to take money from you so they don't have to work (that really is it in a nutshell).

So go here and sign the damn petition if you haven't already. Since you are part of a democracy, this is how it works and you owe it not only to yourself, but the state as well as you are a steward of this democracy.
From Xena (Letter 4)

Xena - A transsexual giant and Wiccan priest. The charismatic leader of Cult Of Xena (COX). Tattoos include a wasp on Xena’s penis and ant trails running up Xena’s legs. Recently cut off a testicle and almost bled to death.


Dear Shaun,

I am filing a lawsuit in order to force the State of Arizona to allow me a sex reassignment surgery. My goal is to leave prison as a female. No one has ever tried this before me. I’ll be the first! I am also having my name changed and filing two other lawsuits of which I will not disclose at this time.

I was thinking since my breasts are getting larger, I could utilize them by attaching sandpaper within my cleavage and using it to sand down the Popsicle sticks we use to make our boxes. In this way I could use my hands for gluing and cutting. Of course, the downside would be wood dust inside my belly button. That always sucks!

The name of the drawing I’m sending you is “Moon Nymph.” The feathers are 13, the number of moons in one year. I don’t know how to draw water and I suck at landscapes. I am better with people and animals. The spear in the water is the symbol of masculinity, and the circle with the cross in it is the symbol of earth. She dances in water, which is emotions and purification. The volcano is strength and purification. The moon is emotion. She hides with her towel that which I find distasteful in myself. She is how I envision myself in the future. She is me, a self-portrait, a dream…

Joe Arpaio is sheriff again. It seems that Arizona is a state where if you are corrupt, you might as well be in law enforcement otherwise you’ll go to prison. Arizona loves corrupt law enforcement!

I am doing horrible here. This place really sucks! However I am trying to utilize my time as best I can. I purchased a language set (A Living Language) for Spanish. I am trying to learn. I am also waiting on Latin and German. I hope that some day I can visit Europe. I want to be able to converse with the people there.

I hope you like everything I send you. I am going to try and be more of a friend and write more.
I am truly sorry about the death of your literary agent. It seems I don’t know the best of times to write my frustrations. I believe the next world is a more beautiful place than this one.
I love and miss you. You are my friend, and you will always be my friend.
You are always in my thoughts and dreams.
Tell your mum and father I say hi and I send my love!




Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Xena to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Hogan's Heroes

I am 33. Which means when I would see reruns of Hogan's Heroes I would always catch the tail end of it during the late 70's. Didn't understand it. Didn't make sense, but I like the theme song.

And so, now that the economy has gone to hell and I no longer work in banking, I have my days open and just as much as I am excited to watch Tom and Jerry during the day time, so too am I excited now to watch Hogan's Heroes when it comes on.

The show is freaking hilarious. The premise of how outlandishly stupid the Germans had to be so that Hogan and his crew could run an espionage outfit out of Stalag 17. There's always a hot chick they manage into the plot every 3rd episode. And then there's Schultz. How couldn't you like John Banner?

Oh, but oh is there resistance to Hogan's Heroes. You see, for while it is a hilarious show for GUYS, the femme fatales in my life find it a stupid and sophomoric show. How "dumb" Hogan's Heroes is. How "impossible" it would be to not only run an outfit like that out of a prisoner camp, but that there's seemingly a never-ending stream of Heidi's and Helga's and hot German scientist babes.

Yeah, I know. And that's what makes it great.

That being said, I do have an honest question about Hogan's Heroes that mayhaps some of the Captain Capitalismites out there might be able to answer.

I've noticed a disproportionate amount of the episodes have snow in them. And now that I think about it, none of the episodes ever seem like they're filmed during summer. All of the heroes are dressed in winter great, Klink has a full officer's long coat on and Schultz is dressed in a long coat as well.

Anybody know why this was?

Santa Baby

Friendly reminder folks as Christmas approaches you can bring home a little bit of the Captain with you!

Have a young boy, confused about the housing market and the current day economy? Why nothing makes a better stocking stuffer than the epic story of a heroic economist who fought against the villainous forces of fat, middle aged bankers in the classical bedtime story; "Behind the Housing Crash!"

You and the Mrs. want to learn to dance, but don't have the time to take classes? Why, your beloved Captain has you covered. Take a dance class or get one of his instructional dance DVD's. Your choice of Swing, Salsa, Ballroom or Latin or all four.

Want to disassociate yourself from the sub prime slime and ponzi-scheme running investment bankers that have brought the US economy down? Want to establish that you are indeed the Alpha-Male/Female at work? Want to be appealing to girls? Then tell them what they want to hear! Tell them, you contribute to GDP. Nothing says, "I rule and I'm sexy on top of it" than a shirt saying, "I Contribute to GDP."

And finally, stocks are down 40% while the economy is in shatters. What better gift than the gift of education! Take a class on basic personal financial management or a more advanced class solely dedicated to the valuation and analysis of stocks (click here and scroll down a bit, you'll see the links).

Also, feel free to contact the Captain if you're interested in any of the above, or just want to say hello! The Captain always likes to hear from the readers and would bring good Christmas cheer to him if you said hello!



Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Economics Will Replace Religion

I resigned myself recently that no matter how much empirical data, history, facts and information I provide about the merits of capitalism, the desire of the masses to believe what they want to believe will override it. The appeal or the draw to such a childishly simplistic ideology that if we "just tax the rich a little bit more" everything will be alright, or the blackhole-gravitational attraction of socialism where "you DON'T have to work, but you still can eat" has this scary and eerie ability to turn what would be normally intelligent thinking adults, into greedy, selfish little children. And try to rationalize with them though I might, the exercise is largely futile as charts correlating tax rates versus GDP growth figures just pales in comparison to Obama promising everything under the sun.

Ergo, since trying to reason with them doesn't work, there are only two ways I've found that works.

One is to bet them. It's one thing to advocate socialism and socialist policies, but when a savvy, educated economist challenges a socialist on their philosophy and forces them to put their own hard earned money on what they "know" to be "true," you'd be amazed how many of these zealots won't even wager $20 on something they not only feverishly support, but insist on forcing the rest of society to live under.

The second is to just let them have their way, as no matter how pretty your charts, and beautifully scripted your power point presentations, nothing convinces socialists they're wrong like a collapsing economy, a Stalinist regime, 40 million people dead from starvation and the TRUE elimination of their social freedoms. Give them a little bit of their utopia and they'll be BEGGING for full force free markets to come back.

Now, it takes a while, and as humans are prone to do, they may have to repeat their mistakes several times to finally learn a lesson or two (Tulip Bulbs, Dotcoms, Beanie Babies, and Housing), but inevitably they learn from them, and if they're smart, they start teaching and instilling these hard-learned lessons to future generations, allowing them to avoid the mistakes of the past (and make whole new ones).

But it was this line of thought that got me thinking about economics and how if we mastered it, or at least instilled some basic, simple economics principles in our society, it would not only eliminate a whole host of social problems and ailments, but basically be the guiding force to govern society. I still contest to this day, a population adequately educated in economics could inoculate itself against recessions. I still contest to this day, that I don't care how "mature" the US economy is, RGDP growth of 7% per year is possible. I still contest to this day that if we mastered economics as a society we could have income per capitas of $250,000 per person and effectively eliminate poverty, not to mention extend life expectancies to unfathomable ages. All these benefits are possible if we just master economics.

However, as these advances in economics occur (more so, instilling what we already know about economics in the masses), it will be at the expense of a much larger and older institution; religion.

If you think about it, religion was not created by a "god" or "gods" by which to govern the people. It was created by people to govern people - and not necesarily without merit.

Disagree with religion much as you would like, it provides an otherwise unorganized society a means by which to organize and progress. Religion provides laws, it provides order, it keeps peace, etc. Religion in other words was nothing more than the ancient version of government. ie- it's no coincidence that in the olden days (and even in many archaic societies today) religion WAS the government. The Ten Commandments and other remnants of Christianity are instilled in US government to this day. Not to mention, rules and laws such as how to butcher animals and swine in Jewish texts were not done so because "god" ordained it as such, but rather because it was for the health benefits of society at the time (pre-refrigeration).

However, religion has one primary flaw; in order to give it teeth, and give its clergy "authority" or "legitimacy" to rule over the masses you had to create things like "hell" and deities and wrath, largely things that could not be proven until (conveniently) somebody died and went there. The problem is technological advances in science have not only made some of these rules obsolete, but have disproven or dismissed a lot of the tenets by which religions are founded on. We no longer need to butcher various animals certain ways due to refrigeration. We no longer have to worship the sun as, well, as it turns out it's just one of a gazillion stars out there. And no, AIDS wasn't created to hurt or banish any one group of non-believers or another, it's frankly just a really bad virus.

However, this spells trouble for religion in that as humans learn more and more about the universe and solve its mysteries, it disproves and obsoletes more and more aspects of religion all together. This relegates religion to the position it's in now, second to most governments and secular law, and more a means by which to provide moral guidance and comfort to its followers.

The question is as religion goes the way of the dinosaurs (or adapts to become more acceptable and marketable to the modern day masses - a perfect example being a church in the Twin Cities that has "pet baptismals") what will provide the matter by which we create the laws to most efficiently govern society. And that is where economics steps in.

Economics is such an encompassing study that it is more or less the only thing that could replace religion. It's designed to allocate the resources of society to not only advance it, but keep it from regressing. It's purpose is to enrich the most amount of people to the maximum extent current resources and technology will allow. It insists on relative peace, calm, stability and order within society in order to achieve this, and if it doesn't get it, it mercilessly punishes its people for their mistakes (as it is doing so today).

Ergo, the more people study economics, all the goals and aims religion was designed to achieve (or perhaps I should qualify it by saying, the NOBLE goals and aims) can be achieved without resorting to fairy tales of hell, burning bushes, killing infidels, gays and whatever outmoded hogwash is out there.

The question is whether we will force our children to study economics, finance and personal financial management as much as we force them to study catechism, or in some parts of the world, force them to learn the economic merits of an engineering degree over blowing themselves up.


Your daily funny.
16 Dec 08

Mass Hunger Strike At Arpaio’s Jail

Phoenix Local News:

Inmates to buy own meals, hunger strike to protest

PHOENIX – Tough economic times, according to Sheriff Joe Arpaio, prompted him to start charging the inmates for their meals.

He says his plan will save close to a million tax dollars. The meal charges do not start until January but inmates at the Durango Jail and Tent City went on hunger strike to protest the new fees Monday morning.

Maricopa County inmates have long complained about jail food. Inmates say when inspectors are there, portions and quality are fine, but when inspectors leave it becomes inedible.

Needless to say, the sheriff's new plan to have inmates pay $1.25 a day for their two meals is not going over well behind bars. One man, who 3TV will only identify as Frank is just out of jail. He says starting yesterday the inmates are boycotting their meals. He tells 3TV, “It's something they have to do to show they're upset."

The hunger strike, which is expected to last from one to three days, is earning the inmates little sympathy from the sheriff.

Sheriff Arpaio tells 3TV, “If they don’t want to eat, that's their problem, not my problem."

The money will come from the inmates' personal accounts, created from cash they had on them when they were arrested and money sent in by family members.

The sheriff says crimes committed by inmates came at a cost to society so charging for meals will help them start to repay their debt.

"I’m not changing the policy,” the sheriff explains. “If they don’t eat we'll save more money won't we?"

The sheriff says he now plans to go to the legislature and get permission to start charging inmates for their beds.

Email comments to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Monday, December 15, 2008

The End of Wall Street

No matter how connected you are.

No matter how rich your daddy was.

No matter where you went to school.

If you do not post a profit and have no talent, the cold, harsh reality is that you don't deserve to be in the market.

Ahhhh, Wall Street. You pathetic bunch of gray haired, middle-age-man has-been's.

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Promiscuity, measured as how casual sex is perceived by the interviewees as well as how frequently they've had sex in terms of one night stands and whether "love" was involved or not was recently ascertained by a survey. Those scoring low were the most "promiscuous" and those scoring high were the least.

It does not surprise me that for all Hollywood portrays the US, we are some of the most stuffy, anti-sex people on the planet...though this could just be the fact I live in Minnesota where sex is largely regarded as a regrettable means/chore by which to keep the human population going.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

F@ck Wayne


Brevity is the soul of wit or something or other. Sadly, the punch line to these two separate comic strips are not as powerful as these individual cells;

"Very Disney."

Effing brilliant.

Sadly, it's basically a slow motion version of watching an innocent, hopeful (yet absolutely brilliant) man having his dreams destroyed as he slowly realizes that socialism, hope, change and Obama is largely just that.

And that's the harshest part of it all. When people are that insanely intelligent to create insightful stuff like Sinfest, no matter how much socialist brainwashing they received in the schools, with an intellect like that, they will inevitably find the truth.

The question is whether they will crack or join the good side of the force upon finding the truth. Something tells me Tatsuya Ishida, despite his idealistic "hope," will become the most powerful force for your beloved captain of course.
14 Dec 08

Stoicism (by Two Tonys)

Two Tonys - A whacker of men and Mafia associate serving multiple life sentences for murders and violent crimes. Left bodies from Tucson to Alaska, but claims all his victims "had it coming."

What the fuck’s up with these dudes that go and climb Mount Everest? Let’s take a look at that.

Number one, they’ve got dollars – I mean big fuckin’ dollars. It takes more than chump change to climb Mount Everest. You’ve gotta take time off your hustle. Then you’ve gotta get your gear – that’s expensive. Then you’ve gotta get your airfare, your travel expenses – not cheap. Then you’ve gotta hire a guide, then Sherpas, then oxygen tanks, and tents.
The cost hasta be up there. In the over-one-hundred-grand range. But that probably ain’t shit to mosta those fools.

Here’s what I don’t get but I’m startin’ to focus in on. Me and you – let’s say – are a coupla silver spoons layin’ around and one of us says, “Hey, I’ve got an idea. Let’s go to the most inhospitable environment on the planet. A place where it’s below freezin’. Where nothin’ can grow. Where the wind’s blowin’ gale force. Where the slope is almost straight up. Where we can’t breathe without oxygen tanks on our backs. Where just the act of puttin’ one foot in front of the other is pain. Where we’ll sleep in a little tent and eat MRE’s cooked on butane burners. Where we’ll suffer for days, and pay one-hundred-and-fifty-thousand minimum to do so – but when we come back and belly up to the bar we can say we did it. No, it’s not Monte Carlo or Cancún or the South of France for us. We’re gonna suffer and have fun doin’ it. There it is in a nutshell.

Now I ask: where the fuck is the fun in that? Does that sound like fun to you? That wouldn’t be fun to me. Doesn’t that then mean that the fun is in their minds?
It’s like the great Bard said, “There is no happiness, no sadness.” They do not exist. It’s in their minds. Their minds tell them they’re on an adventure. A challenge. A struggle. That’s their reward.
And while they’re psyched up like that they’re free of those fuckin’ prisons called conditioned minds.

Now I ask you: can a person who’s just been diagnosed with cancer develop the same frame of mind? Or a person who’s just been given a life sentence or two? Or sent to the hole to suffer?
I think they can and some do. They know it’s pain comin’ but they feel a sense of reward by endurin’ the pain.

Now this train of thought opens up a whole buncha shit – from suicide bombers to organ donors. Criminals. Heroes. It’s a line of thought that sorta mystifies me.
Look at poor ol’ OJ Simpson. He’s so rich in material, yet so poor in brain thought. He’ll be out on parole in six years or even earlier if he kicks down some baksheesh to the right appeals court judge. How do you think he feels now on his little journey which is a slam dunk for guys like us?

I like to think I’m strong in mind. That I could take a dose of Abu Ghraib or the Guantánamo Bay prison – just to see wassup. But I don’t know about that waterboardin’ shit or hangin’ by the thumbs. To endure that you have to be committed real strong to what you’re in to.
But imagine what a trip to endure that adventure, that challenge, that sufferin’ – to climb that Mount Everest, and to come out and belly up to the bar. Now that would be strong and rewardin’ – for some people.

My point is: life is one of those things you can enjoy while you have it regardless of whether you’re strugglin’ to put one foot in front of the other in a snow storm on Mount Everest or layin’ on a bed with tubes in your nose in a hospital or layin’ on a cell floor in the hole readin’ a Time mag or even hangin’ from a waterboard in Abu Ghraib – you can be one bad motherfucker and that’s your reward. Doin’ it.

We’ve all got our own Mount Everests to climb. I guess some are just higher than others dependin’ on our states of mind.
Look at poor ol’ OJ. His mountain is just a little old hill to us. But not to him. To him it’s almost unclimbable. And therein lies the meat of the whole thing. It’s all in the mind of the beholder.

I say, “It ain’t no thang but a chicken wang.” Let’s do it. Let’s make the most of whatever the world throws our way – ’cause sooner or later we’re all gonna die.

Our friends inside appreciate your comments.

Email comments and questions for Two Tonys to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.

Shaun P. Attwood

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Wall Street = Morons

I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't care if they went to Harvard or Yale or the Ivy League.

I don't care if they work at Goldman Sachs.

In the end, these people are not "intelligent" or "smarter" or "better."

They're absolutely inferior people compared to the rest of the US and only got by on connections.

And the Wisconsin hick fly over kid selling lemonade at his stand making a profit is a better businessMAN than any one of these schmucks will ever be.
13 Dec 08

Postcards from Long Island (4)

Long Island - Promising young cellmate I taught to trade the financial markets. Released on the 11th of December '05 and rearrested this year. Alleged to have committed forgery and hit an officer with a car. He is writing from Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s Towers jail.


What’s up my friend?

There’s finally been a rather promising development. My attorney feels he can get a decent plea. We got a new prosecutor, which set us back a few months, but we’re getting what we want. There’s a lot more details I can’t share with you right now, but things are looking a lot better.

What’s going on? When is the book coming out? Send me a paperback copy please!

Much love,

Long Island

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Shaun P. Attwood

Friday, December 12, 2008

A Perfect Example of Media Bias

Is it;

"Republicans for once fight big business?"

Is it;

"Republicans save taxpayer money?"

Is it;

"Republicans refuse to bailout overpaid union workers?"

No, it's;

Meanie evil republicans refuse to help families, the poor and the economy that are dependent on the holy and sacred auto industry.

I will let free markets speak for themselves in that the Chicago Tribune filed for bankruptcy for who in god's name would buy that crap? Additionally, I will further use this as an example of how socialists (in this case journalists) will follow their ideology to the point it destroys their employer/career, not on principle, but because they're too damn brainwashed, too damn arrogant, and just too damn stupid to realize that they might be wrong.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Duck You Sucker

OK, you see, I am eclectic. I'm not the kid who wore his baseball cap backwards in the 90's and pronounce "hot" as "hawt" while I spend daddy's money at Applebee's like all the other mass produced cookie cutter suburbanite white boys. I fossil hunt, I climb mountains, I write books, I teach ballroom dance, date dominatrixes without knowing it and I happen to dabble in economics. I live life for me, and if more people did that, there'd be a lot more freaks in this world and it would be a great thing.

But a drawback for being a freak is that when you find great things (like a nautilus in the middle of nowhere in Nebraska or a ghost town that time and Google satellite has forgotten) people either;

1. Don't believe you or
2. Think you're a freak for finding such things interesting.

Regardless, I am going to recommend "Duck You Sucker." It's a great movie. A great find. Almost as great as finding an oredont in North Dakota.

Now, the Major (held prisoner in California) does not agree with me. Oh, he likes the movie alright, but does not deem it a great movie that I do.

And that's where Cappy Cap readers will come in. If you are bored this weekend and have nothing else to do, may I recommend you rent or perhaps buy (which you shan't regret) Duck You Sucker. You read this blog because of its economic entertainment, so if I recommend a movie (which are infinitely more entertaining than economics) how can you possibly go wrong?

United Auto Worker's Union Denied Bailout

Wow, the Republicans actually grew some testes.

Excellent Oil Statistics

I have a contact in the oil industry (of course, how couldn't I since I am evil incarnate?). And she shoots me some pretty handy information.

Now this report is just full of a ton of interesting oil stats, but I am not an expert enough to dissect it all. That being said, just posting it up there in case anybody is looking for some really good stats on oil.

F#cking Brilliant

Free food.

Free health care.

And now free tuition if I don't work?

Why f@cking work at all?

11 Dec 08

The Royo Romance (Part 28)

Royo Girl - An intelligent and attractive criminology graduate who used to visit me in prison. Whether her interest is based on love or she is writing a thesis on my criminality is an open question. She recently visited me in England.
Click here for Part 27.

Royo Girl has delivered on her promise and provided an account of the time she spent in my hometown.


I look at the date today and can hardly believe that over a month has passed since my holiday in jolly, old England. On one hand, time has gone by incredibly fast making it feel like only a week has gone by. On the other, it feels it has been ages since I last saw Shaun.

My Arrival in Weirdness

Let me begin by telling you how funny it was watching Shaun struggle with my suitcase all the way from London to Widnes. I told him that he didn’t have to take the larger, heavier suitcase (which he affectionately began calling “The Beast”), but he was a true gentleman and stated he was taking the case for me. Shaun and I had to pick it up to carry it down the tube stairs. He then had to push past people to get the dang thing on the train, and then go on the urine filled elevators to get to the appropriate side for his mom to pick us up at Runcorn station. What makes this all the funnier is the fact that I had carried the case, with the smaller case inside it making it even heavier, all the way from the airport to the hotel by myself. My poor, little delicate Shaun!

My first day in the town of Widnes was nice and quiet. Shaun’s mom came to pick us up and I immediately had to begin adjusting to a slightly more northern accent. Once we unloaded my cases from the car, Shaun and I took a walk through part of the town. It was beginning to get dark, but he took me up some unlit hill [Pex Hill] anyway. He reminisced about his childhood days and the things he used to do up on the hill, which were, as per usual, deviant in nature. Upon our arrival back at his house, we had a nice family dinner and then watched Layer Cake (which is definitely a movie worth watching, especially if anyone likes Daniel Craig).

Unlike my own family, who will wake you up at the butt crack of dawn so that everyone can help do the fun, outside chores, Shaun’s family let me sleep in until noon! I found my jetlag really annoying as I felt it was cutting into how much I could fit into a day’s activities, but Shaun doesn’t wake up until ten anyway. (Lazy!)

When I eventually did get up and get ready, Shaun’s mom had already made me a cup of tea and coffee and cut me a piece of cake for breakfast. Shaun and I made our way to Liverpool for a few hours. I was super excited to be in a part of England that I had never been to before. Unfortunately, we didn’t spend too much time there. I was able to see the cathedral, go shopping for the Halloween/birthday party, and have a good meal at a local café. The evening was spent “having an Indian” (I love that very wrong sounding English phrase) and toasting champagne to my 40 year old buddy.

The next day was very similar except we went to Manchester and I had the pleasure of going to Gay Street, aka Canal Street. Shaun and I went for a drink at Queer Bar, where Shaun seemed to be enjoying himself a wee bit too much. Hmmm… We saw an ad for a showing of The Rocky Horror Picture Show at one of the gay bars on the street and we decided to go. Of course, we drove all the way back for dinner with Shaun’s parents and then back for the showing at 10pm. It was my first time to such an event and it was pretty entertaining.

Finally, I convinced Shaun that I wanted a tour of Widnes itself. I wanted to see where he had grown up. I wanted to see the place that I was actually visiting and not just the surrounding areas. And on the fourth day, he gave into my demands much to his own dismay. We went to the town center first, where my camera ran out of battery (Of course). I bought more batteries at a local newsagent, which should also be known as the local swindle shop because none of the four batteries in the pack worked. I was told by the shopkeeper when I returned them that my camera must take a special kind of battery – try again, my friend. It just takes double A batteries that work.

Next, Shaun took me to Spike Island, West Bank and I have an awesome picture of the River Mersey and some huge, nuclear looking plant [Fiddlers Ferry Power Station] off in the distance. Although it is a bit of an eyesore, it is a very prominent marker of the Industrial Era still left in the modern world. Shaun tried to convince me that I should pretend to feed the hungry looking swans for a picture. I was not so easily fooled.

Given my company, how could we not go to the Widnes church and cemetery? Farnworth Church was small, but impressive given that it had been around for centuries. We walked around the outside of it and then back into the cemetery section. Shaun defiantly posed on one of the graves and I respectfully walked around them. We walked a bit further in and noticed three hooligans sitting on a bench. Our presence most likely disrupted their activities, but they didn’t seem to mind too much. Shaun boldly asked them when the church was open. After they responded, my tour guide felt compelled to notify them that I was an American, which inspired a few jokes and the unavoidable question (even from a band of young hooligans) of who I was going to vote for in the pending election. My response then and now is that I don’t talk about politics.

In the evening, Shaun dragged me to his BodyCombat class at Halton Leisure Centre. I was pensive to say the least, especially when looking at his gleeful face as he talked about how excited he was to take me to it. I knew he couldn’t wait to see me struggle in the class and possibly die at the end of it. Unfortunately for him, I didn’t do too badly and was super energized afterwards. HAHAHAHA. His plan backfired.

After Shaun and I showered and ate back at his parents, we went for a night out on the town. He took me to Hammy’s favorite pub, The Ring O' Bells. Shaun introduced me to some people he knew and we ordered our drinks. I ordered a lager and he ordered a cider J We stayed for a bit there and then meandered onward to some other pub [The Horse and Jockey], of which I have ashamedly already forgotten the name of. We chatted with the McMullens, a comical, older couple for at least a good hour. I should have known at the church that Shaun was planning on parading me around as the American in Widnes to see who he would get a rise out of. It eventually worked at the local chippie/kebab house. The man behind the counter didn’t seem to be impressed with us and then one of the customers started slagging off Americans. I have to admit that it was funny as all of the people in the chippie looked a little uncomfortable. However, Shaun forgot that I was no foreigner to being a foreigner and his experiment to see what kind of tense situation he could create was not going to work. The night ended quickly after we gorged on unhealthy foods from the chippie.

That’s all for now. I am going to write a separate entry for my account of Shaun’s party, which I will try to do soon.

Royo Girl

Email comments to or post them below. To post a comment if you do not have a Google/Blogger account, just select anonymous for your identity.
Shaun P. Attwood