Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Give Me $1,000,000 or the Environment Gets It

The thing I don't like about global warming (aside from the fact it's completely fabricated) is the pompousness of it all. That those who "go green" are some how good and noble people and those of us who don't bring a freaking reusable cloth shopping bag when we go grocery shopping are evil. The reality of it is that "going green" is the perfect "crusade" leftists like because it requires no real work, makes not real difference, yet it makes them feel like they're doing something and gives them something to point to to say, "SEE, SEE!!!! I'M RECYCLING! YOU'RE NOT!!! OH SURE, YOU MAY BE AN ENGINEER WHO DESIGNED A MEDICAL DEVICE THAT SAVED THOUSANDS AND I'M JUST THIS WORTHLESS COMMUNITY ORGANIZER, BUT I PICKED UP A PLASTIC BOTTLE! I'M JUST AS GOOD AS YOU ARE!"

Somehow, deep down inside, I don't think even they believe it.

Regardless, society bends over and grabs their ankles to accommodate this insanity and thus I get lectured every day by inane commercials;

"We here at Chipolte are concerned about the environment, that's why our beef is organic."

"We here at Wells Fargo have gone green, saving three sheets of paper per week."

"We here at GM have made flex-fuel vehicles even though ethanol really produces more carbon emissions than gas."

How in god's name does a freaking bank "go green."

Ergo, I came up with something we all can do on the right/sane/capitalist/non-brainwashed side of the force;

Do whatever we can to COUNTER-pollute.

For example, when I'm at the grocery store they ask me "paper or plastic." I say, "both."

Do I recycle them?

Heck no, I burn them, both.

If it's a beautiful day I do go for Sunday drives with my 8 cylinder Dodge that gets 16 MPG.

Styrofoam?

Don't know what the chemicals are when you burn it, but I'm sure it's bad for the environment. That's why when I have a grill out (using charcoal) I buy styrofoam plates and not paper.

Now there are many things we can yet still legally do, to basically undo all the faux environmentalism crap these frauds do just to make themselves feel better. But the best thing to do is be intellectually honest and give them a proposition;

"OK, you are so concerned about the environment and you TELL me to do all these things? How about this? Not only are you going to quit TELLING me to do all these things, you're going to pay me not to do these things. Matter of fact, I'll have an annual gallon o' gasoline burn off every month until you pay me $25,000. Better yet, you think global warming is going to harm the polar bears? How much will you pay me NOT to go and hunt five of them down? You don't like my 8 cylinder car and my Sunday drives while I smoke a cigar? Well, why don't you make a contribution to my environmental fund?"

The solution to this stupidity was so simple, it was easy to miss. Just do the opposite of what these nutjobs say and when somebody says, "Do you recycle? Do you drive a Prius?"

Say, "No, I undo all the "good" you did by doing the opposite. And I will continue to do three times as many damage as you do, until you quit lecturing me or pay me $25,000."

Thus, I think what we should do is set an "Global Warming Day" where we purposely try to emit as much carbon and greenhouse gases up into the atmosphere until my fund receives (Dr. Evil accent)

$1 MILLION DOLLERRRZZZZZ!


How's June 1st sound? Nothing going on June 1st? Let me know. I'll make the more official rules. "JUNE FIRST, GLOBAL WARMING DAY!!!!"

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