The Emotionally Unavailable Man

The other type of emotionally unavailable man is unavailable due to his relationship (or relationships) with another woman (or women). These guys are never really committed to a woman. They don’t see any relationship as necessarily permanent, including marriage - even if they give lip service to being “deeply committed” to the woman they are with at the moment.

In truth, however, they don’t truly value their intimate relationships or take them seriously, because they are merely “playing,” even though engagement or marriage hardly seems like something to “play” at. They don’t take their relationships seriously because on some level - even if subconsciously - they know they can find someone else who will get involved with them if their current affair ends. What else would cause someone to repeatedly play his future like a crap-shoot without really fearing the outcome?

…It is probably because women keep attempting to get close to him that causes him to keep moving from partner to partner or to keep adding partners. He is uninterested in experiencing or is unable to experience deep feelings of connection with anyone. CHECK!

…What is dangerous about emotionally unavailable men is that they are not authentically emotionally responsive. They are emotionally avoidant.

…Some of these men may have a sexual addiction that fuels their pursuit of rapidly revolving, superficial relationships. Perhaps his sexual addiction takes the form of chronic and compulsive pornography use, a pattern that will diminish a man’s normal human responsiveness.

… be aware that [this type of man] will come across to you as a devoted father and husband or as an upstanding citizen of his community. Never discount the possibility that your emotionally unavailable man may have multiple hidden lives (always the case if he’s engaging in clandestine extramarital affairs) as well as being an emotional predator. For example: emotional unavailability, plus life he keeps hidden from you, his wife or his girlfriend, plus the keen sixth sense of an emotional predator, plus a sexual addiction - help these pathological men thrive at attracting serial superficial relationships.

If he is a sexual addict as well he will have a hidden life of endless porn watching, masturbation, voyeurism, and even using prostitutes. Many times these men will cover their perversions with heavy involvement in community politics, their church or synagogue or doing volunteer work. And they will make sure this cover is very visible so no one suspects.

Sexually addicted predators will not stop at you, they will go after your friends as well. They think nothing of telling your friend that you mean nothing to them and that you are possibly “imagining” the relationship. They will tell their wives the same things about you or any other woman they know insisting “she’s jealous of us and is obsessed with me.” They are masterful jugglers of time and people.

…a woman’s availability itself is a deciding factor… “any port in a storm” will provide adequate distraction from the reality of his life.

Womanizers also look for women who will believe their stories about their home life. Very few of them tell women how happy they are at home, how wonderful their wife is, and how they just really want to have extramarital sex with no strings attached. No, that usually isn’t the story line. The story line goes: “No one has ever really loved me, and certainly not my wife. She nags… doesn’t appreciate me… hates sex…”

Women take this hook too often. …they will be able to make him “finally feel loved… listened to… appreciated.” His need is not “once and for all to be loved” as much as it is to get laid, be amused and be distracted.

A womanizer may be highly verbal about his relationships. He may share personal information in such a way that women mistake his sharing for emotional intimacy… He knows well enough that women are empathic to tales of empty and sad relationships…

An interesting point is that almost every woman who told us her story about getting involved with an emotionally unavailable man said it happened at a time when her self-esteem was low. [She] was coming out of a relationship situation that had damaged her self-esteem (such as being abused or even going through a divorce). Women accept far more during times of low self-esteem than they do when their self-esteem is sound. A belief that she doesn’t deserve a whole, satisfying and healthy relationship is a reflection of how low her self-esteem is. If a man gives a woman who suffers with low-self esteem a little attention… then too often she willingly falls [for him].

The emotional predator is as bad as it gets. He qualifies as the pinnacle of poisonous and pathological… He could, in fact, be called the “emotional psychic.” That’s because it’s his ability to intuit and sense a woman’s emotional vulnerabilities that places her at risk. Webster’s defines predatory as “having a disposition to injure or exploit others for one’s own gain"; it defines predator as “one that preys, destroys or devours.” That’s a good summation of this man. Who but the most pathological among us would set out to exploit, prey on, destroy or devour?

He will hone in on your vulnerabilities and read you. If he likes what he reads, he will follow up by luring you into his scary and dangerous life.

Predators have a natural ability for reading women who are lonely, needy by nature, emotionally wounded or vulnerable. The predator also has his antennae up for women who… have unfulfilled needs in their lives. …he figures out how he can squeeze into the vacant space in your life and what you need to hear in order to allow this to happen.

…[they] “sense” which woman will make the best target for them. They don’t know why they have this gift or how they acquired it. …they have been working women over since childhood. A predator’s intuitive sixth sense is untaught. …an adult’s skills can’t compete with his abilities to scam, con and conquer.

…emotional predators also fall into the mentally-ill category, usually under the diagnosis of antisocial personality disorder. Most also have hidden lives. When you couple a predator’s natural instincts with a lifetime of skills honed by successfully conning, exploiting and injuring women, you have a man who is nothing short of extraordinarily smooth and capable of horrific dangerousness.

Predators’ motives vary. But you can be sure a predator wants something from you. That is the entire reason for the relationship. …There is something in you that he wants. Maybe “all” he wants is your utter adoration or for you to exalt his ego. …Maybe wants what you can provide to help establish his image so he will marry you (’good family man’). Or maybe …he’s most interested in the pursuit and conquest of a woman… If he is a sexual predator, you are a target, whether it be for consensual sex or rape - depending on whichever way it plays out or whatever mood he is in.

A predator does not “need” the relationship. Early on… the predator is deliberately romantic. Predators are shifting chameleons who can be all things to all women. Predators are smooth as silk. …predators are listeners who will give up very little information until they are sure it will align with your history. …His selection is based on his need and your vulnerability. He knows it’s a matter of matching need with need. The more he knows about your needs, the better he can meet them.

He has a nose for vulnerability, so women who have unmet needs “smell” especially good to him. He seeks women who need men who can “sense and know” them on almost a spiritual level. Since he is good at this, he will appear to know you well - and quickly.


They like women who had absent fathers, angry mothers or neglectful and abusive husbands. Knowing that many women are trained to believe that people are basically good at heart, predators will present themselves as men of honor and virtue…. But because he is a chameleon, he will listen closely to see if you also need a mentor, an adviser on some topic, a spiritual leader, or a male friend.

During counseling sessions I’ve had with men who are emotional predators, some have verbalized their targets. One said,
“I look for naive women. I like a certain vulnerability to her - that she trusts humanity without asking for proof. Maybe she’s been hurt a lot so there’s a “woundedness” to her. That vulnerability makes them believe you, because they need to believe you.”

Another said,
“I like the women who have been pounded down by men and those with childhoods that weren’t so good. They are particularly easy.”

It is important to understand that each predator has developed his own unique style. He has a “type” or two of women he prefers because with those types he has mastered the approach, the dating, and the ‘end.’ He doesn’t have to think very hard if he just uses the profile he’s had success with. One predator may prefer recently divorced or divorcing women because he succeeds at playing that angle with them.

… these guys can show a woman they definitely “get it.” They show you all the attention that the jerks you’ve been with haven’t. They say all the right lines that the men in your past could never verbalize. They are brilliant and insightful about what you need. They seem to know exactly every pain you have suffered.

With more skill than a carnival psychic, the emotional predator can hone in on your every need, sympathize with you in such a way so that you believe you’ve met your long lost soulmate and sweep you off your feet… He’s… more insightful than a therapist. He “knows” you the way no one else ever has.

This guy moves FAST. He’s got to - before you figure out what his M.O. is. Every woman should be suspect of the relationships that seem to be traveling in the fast lane on the super-highway of emotional intimacy. A predator needs to keep you so euphoric with compliments and lover’s talk that you aren’t listening, or paying attention. He is dripping with sincerity and clinging to every word you say. A predator wants to consummate the relationship with you right away, because time is against him.

To move the relationship along and be indispensable to you, he must act helpful, comforting and generous. Since he is working against the clock, he must find out what you need and then meet that need.

While listening to you and observing you, he will glean a lot of information about your hobbies, interests, spiritual beliefs and value systems. He is the original identity thief. He uncovers and uses for his own purposes everything he can about what makes you - YOU. He will find you amazing, beautiful, bright and talented - like no one he has EVER met before. He will align how he portrays himself with your needs and also your interests until you feel like you are looking at your twin.

Finally, another way predators succeed with women is by preying on their compassion. Once a woman is in the grip of a predator, anything can happen.

[Once a woman sees their stories] for the crock they are and bust them for their fake opinions with them, they will try and turn the table and make it seem it was the woman who had emotional problems!

What is a "Player"?

Definitions of a "Player"


There are many different types, but if any of these sound familiar to you, "red flag" them.

Married - The most common type of Player is without doubt the "married" one, but who never tells you he is married. "red flags" to look for - won't give you his home phone number only his mobile (or none), won't give you his address, can only chat to you during the day ("red flag") is talking to you from work rather than from home.

Married, but - 'wife neglects me, no sex life left, should never have married her, can't leave because of kids/ family/ religion' , etc. "red flag" in most cases the only type of relationship you will have will be a "dead end" one. He's looking for a freebie!

Mr. Blowhard - definitely a "red flag" - all he wants is an audience to listen to and believe his bogus stories of danger and bravery, or he has a promising career, brilliant future etc., but all snatched away from him due to an accident or serious injury. He needs your sympathy, and when you get tired of listening, he'll just move on to find a new audience.



Hit & Run Player - another "red flag" usually the guys just practicing or fine tuning their chat up lines. You will probably receive love poems, links to the most romantic places on the net etc. Very easy to believe they really love only YOU.

Body Surfers - These guys are easy to spot. The broach the subject of sex early in the relationship. - They are only looking for sex … phone sex, cyber sex, pictures, videos or real sex.

The Globe Trotter - Single/married players who travel for a living. They usually have a laptop as well as access to computer at home/work. They are looking to find women who live "on their appointed rounds" (easy to find doing an advanced search of profiles). They them IM or e-mail you saying they are intrigued by your profile etc., and how much in common you seem to have. After they have you chatting a few times amazingly they will happen to be in your area next week and could they come and see you. Once hooked they can add you to their visiting list (saves spending lonely nights in an hotel!!).

Mr. Big - They usually own their own business (they use that as "bait" which we are meant to translate as "I'm a good catch". Or they may let it slip early in the relationship that they own their own business, or they claim to be a lawyer, a doctor or other highly-paid professional. Now think about it. The same as us women, men want to be loved for themselves, NOT their assets so this man needs a "red flag" too. Can you really believe that a real Professional man would have the time to hang around in chat rooms.

The Sympathy Dog - He gives you a long sob story and then everyday there is a new crisis in his life. All he wants from you are daily "pity parties" - just don't fall for it.

Then we get onto the more serious Players,the real Con men who can cause you enormous emotional distress, harassment and stalking.

The Control Freak - He will also have a sob story and use your sympathy to manipulate you to get his own way. Stories you might hear - has a bad heart condition, or needs a kidney transplant, has cancer but it's in remission. These supposed afflictions are for the purpose of "control" .. whenever you step out of line, the following reaction will occur: you added to his depression and he's feeling suicidal, he starts getting chest pains, he has to go on dialysis, the cancer comes out of remission. Using your feelings of guilt, he will quickly have you back under his thumb again.

The Guilt Trip Player - If you don't fall for his MO which he has worked so hard on, then he will throw a temper tantrum. You will probably receive an e-mail from a supposed friend/relative informing you he committed suicide, implying it was over you of course. Then this friend/relative will keep contact with you for weeks to come with details of the funeral and how devastated the family is etc. Or you will be told he was in some terrible accident and is dying (and you are supposed to feel very guilty about how you treated him. (Shame on you! LOL)

The Freeloaders - This type of player is looking for financial support. He will woo you and then suggest something like "I love you too much to take you away from your family and friends, but I am prepared to move nearer to you." "Could I stay with you for a bit to check out the housing situation/job situation etc.". Big "red flag" comes to stay with you, has no money, alcoholic, drug addict says he'll change if you will just stick by him, help him out for a bit financially. Once in your home - you will have a real job to get him out again.

The Cyberpaths (Online Sociopaths) - These are the worse of the bunch…. This type always looks for the easy to bait, vulnerable women, widows, newly divorced, women recovering from a recent heartbreak etc. They lurk, using different screen names, in the widows, divorced, Al-Anon or mature chat rooms (40's, 50's 60's) or school reunion sites, political sites or "married but"..... They start out romancing you like a player does, but it's for an ulterior motive; they become obsessive and then they become the online harasser, the stalker, smear you on their way out … or worse.

Also a Cyberpath, the Emotional Hitchhiker - They generally look for their "sheep" in rooms that involve emotional support widows & widowers, divorced etc. (really sensitive vulnerable people). They will start out as being this great and wonderful guy who has also been widowed or divorced and is in a lot of emotional pain. They will use two different screen names (pretending to be two different people) - one who is a man falling in love with you: the other, a man who just wants your friendship. After they have you madly in love with them, then they will fake their own death. You will receive an e-mail from a family member or friend informing you he: died in a car accident, sudden heart attack etc. Then, using their other screen name, they will hear first hand of your reaction: hear all you grief and complete devastation, getting a complete "high" from your emotions. OR they may tell you they just found out they have cancer, terminal - of course and drag it out for six months or se, getting daily "highs" from your sympathies and your heartbreak. When the "highs" start to falter, then you will receive notice of their "very painful" death.

Stop Trolling!! Married Means M-A-R-R-I-E-D

Married means married, Moron

It's getting to the point where I can't even read those stupid personal ads anymore, not even for fun.

They're loaded with married people, bitching about their spouses, and looking for something "better".

I've got a few things to tell you:

1. "She" is not the reason your marriage sucks. YOU are.

If you spent half as much time paying attention to your wife as you do trolling CraigsList (or other sites) for sex, your marriage would be a whole lot better.

2. Yeah, yeah, we've all heard it a thousand times. You're in a sexless marriage.

First of all, that's probably a lie, because most cheaters are liars too. I'm gonna let you in on a little secret, pal- if your wife isn't interested in sex, it's because you're not offering sex that's interesting. Married guys get awfully boring after a while. They do the same boring thing the same boring way every single time and then -- they expect you to scream like a porn star.




Seriously, you come home from work, totally ignore her while she chases the kids around for 4 hours, makes dinner, does the laundry, blah blah blah, and then you expect her to roll over with her legs open for another session of same-old same-old? When are you idiots going to learn that the best foreplay in the world for a woman is watching you take care of the kids, vacuum the floor, pick up the dog poo in the backyard. Or how about just listening when she talks? You know, it's not that hard to stop thinking about yourself for five minutes and hear what she has to say.

Think about it - way back when, when you were getting your brains ****ed out on a regular basis - what were YOU doing differently than you're doing now? Planning dates, telling her she looked nice, acting like you're happy to be with her? A thousand dollars says if you do that stuff again you'll get the same result.


3. Spare us. Your kids are NOT the reason you're staying married. If you were THAT miserable, you'd leave whether you had kids or not. If you're not getting a divorce it's because YOU DON'T WANT TO. For whatever reason.

At least be honest and don't try to feed people that tired line about staying married for the kids. Contrary to what you think, it doesn't make you look like a poor suffering but honorable victim. You obviously don't care enough about your kids to treat their mother with enough respect not to cheat on her, and you don't care about them enough to spend time with THEM instead of some vulnerable woman who falls for your carefully constructed lies, so cut it out with that crap. (BTW - did you even BOTHER to tell her you're MARRIED with KIDS?)

There is absolutely nothing honorable about putting your **** ahead of your kids. If you really really cared about them, you would get offline put ALL your time and effort and money into saving the one thing that means most to them in the whole world - your marriage and their family. Otherwise you're full of crap.

4. We all know how bored you are. Poor you, someone should really come along to entertain you.

What are you, 12 years old? If you're bored with your marriage, it's because YOU'RE BORING, and have you ever stopped to think that if you're bored, she probably is too? But instead of throwing a temper tantrum like a 2 year old, she's at home cleaning out the lint trap on the dryer and washing kool-aid off the kitchen floor. Yeah, she's having a riot washing your underwear and cleaning up cat puke.

Marriage is hard work. Heck, life is hard work. Grow up and take some responsibility for yourself. You supposedly have a brain, USE it. Put some thought into your marriage and some effort into your life and stop blaming her and being a baby because life isn't fun.

5. You're looking for someone "younger."

Sure you are. You think you look the same as you did when you got married? I'd bet not. Even if you do, you haven't spent the last 10 years having babies (the ones YOU wanted) and sacrificing your body for them. The next time you have to have someone stitch your ***hole together because you just blew a saint bernard out of your ass, then you can squawk. If you ever spend 9 months with your belly stretched to obscene proportions, and manage to look exactly the same as you used to 6 weeks later, then you can whine about how "she's not attractive anymore." Until then, shut the **** up.

You have no concept of what she has sacrificed to give you the children you "claim" to love. You really think she wants varicose veins and stretch marks and a distended belly and saggy boobs? Get real. What she wants is a man who understands and values WHY she has varicose veins and stretch marks and a distended belly and saggy boobs. She wants a man who loves her because she was willing to make those sacrifices with her own body because she loves HIM. Instead, you criticize and go running off with the first perky 25 year old who gives you the time of day. (or the first vulnerable woman who's being ignored by her man or is vulnerable enough in some way that her b.s. radar is damaged while you put the NLP whamma-jamma on her and say "I love you" just get her to spread her legs for you.) Ugh.

6. And finally, if you're cheating on your wife, there's something wrong with YOU.

If you're not happy with your marriage, exactly how do you think screwing some sl*t you barely know is going to fix that? Exactly how is that going to make anyone happy? Have you ever actually heard of adultery or an online affair working out really well for everyone involved? Are you actually stupid enough to think that you're going to be the exception to that rule? If so, you are delusional and you need professional help.

Affairs are disasters - not some of the time; not most of the time; ALL OF THE TIME. Your guilt and trying to cover your tracks will drive you crazy. Someone WILL find out. You will NOT be able to keep up the lies and the deception. And it will all lead up to a disaster of epic proportions, which leads me to Lucky #7.

7. Here‘s what you can expect in the wake of your little ****-fest:

Divorce - this is where you lose everything- your wife, your house, half your income and possessions, possibly your job if you're stupid enough to be screwing around with a co-worker, your kids - EVERYTHING. You will LOSE IT ALL.

Exposure - this is where everyone finds out what a scumbag you are. And they WILL find out. Your boss, your co-workers, your friends, your family, HER family, your neighbors, the parents of your kids‘ friends, everyone at your church. They WILL find out. Why? Because your now ex-wife and/ or ex-girlfriend(s) will tell them. She will probably tell everyone she knows, and everyone you know, and she will feel good doing it. Consider yourself lucky if she doesn't rent a billboard.

Oh, and DON'T try to paint yourself as the 'victim' of jealous or obsessed or scorned women. We all know that's a lie, too.

You lied to your wife and your probably lying to all your girlfriends as well as lying about one to the other. Otherwise, all bets are off. Be prepared.

Your Kids - this is where you totally lose the respect of your kids, and you deserve to lose it. They will realize in pretty short order that you didn't care enough about them to keep your pants on. They will see their mother cry and they will hate you for it. They will end up shuttling back and forth between their home and your apartment, and they will hate you for it. Every time they have to tell someone that their parents are divorced, they will hate you for it.

And God forbid you decide to "introduce" them to your shiny new soulmate/ ****buddy; they will REALLY hate you for that. If your kids are really young, you have a little time before all this hits the fan, but be warned, it's coming. They will forever see you as the moron who broke up or disrupted their family. Even if you stick around - they will know that you can't be trusted, that you are weak and immoral and selfish. And they'll figure it out all by themselves, even if you never talk to them about it. Because your kids are smarter than you are at this point.

And when your new "soulmate" figures out your real agenda, bend over and kiss it goodbye. If all she does is "expose you" after she finds out you ripped her heart out at the root - you should thank her not smear her. It's nothing less than what you asked for.

So, go ahead and whine your pathetic nonsense about how you're a victim and your wife is a horrible shrew. Do your best to convince yourself and everyone around you that you didn't have any choice and your wife "drove you to it." Start with the rationalizations and justifications now; you're going to need a lot of them.

Remember that the best defense is a good offense and start a mental list of all the ways your wife is deficient. Make sure to re-write the history of your marriage so that you can say that you were miserable from the first day. You should have married that OTHER girl (who probably dumped your sorry ***)

Be sure to tell your wife that you love her, you're just not "in love" with her anymore. Deal with your guilt by lashing out at everyone around you.


Above all, take ZERO responsibility for any problems YOU may have that caused you to be such a spineless loser in the first place.

Cyberpaths Website

How Psychopaths View Their World

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough.

The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the poor, and so forth. A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what they have. He is like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths can even very fond of animals (contrary to the common viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.

The psychopath is filled with greed inside, relating to the world through power, even though, as I said, on the outside he can claim to be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden. I knew one who liked to repeat phrases such as "they have to stop keeping my brothers down" but he didn't mean a word of it. He was actually a racist. The psychopath can also often identify himself as a revolutionary.

On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and some like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but emptiness and greed. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his behaviour is something that is often debated. I do believe that psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made."



I believe that psychopathy is primarily genetic. A son with a psychopathic father often will be psychopathic as well, especially if the father was abusive and/or abandoned the family as well.

As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better. This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is also trying to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution. They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio- economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated from high school.". (Let me add, despite Dr. Blacks' studies, psychopaths can still exist in any social class. Do not be misled). I also wanted to point out that I will be using "he" and "him" for the term psychopath throughout this website; let it not be forgotten, yes, female psychopaths exist as well; however, according to the Sixth Edition of Abnormal Behavior, printed in 2000 by three male professors, David, Derald, and Stanley Sue, the rates do differ by gender. Included in their excellent text is a report by the The American Psychiatric Association that the general estimate is 3% for men, and less than 1% in women [Personality Disorders and Impulse Control Disorders, 238].

What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience, feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus wrong.".

Not all psychopath are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy; my friend's mother once went on a double-date with him and claimed he was the nicest person. His mother said he was the "best son any mother could have." Bundy was also apparently quite good-looking, which made him even more dangerous. So not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional occupations; the fact remains that there are just more psychopaths who come from impoverished backgrounds than not.

Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them appear strange or odd, and their behaviour can be eccentric or unusual. I believe this is what can confuse victims most often. Psychopaths often appear [see pictures here]: intense and "electrifying". Do not be misled if someone appears harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat. An "angelic" visage can also often fool people. Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his "clown costume" as he entertained children as one example. Another example which someone on the "Victims of Psychopathy" board came up with was Bill Clinton and his "goofy" yet loveable demeanour (so is Clinton really a psychopath? Many believe he is).

A psychopath (he was diagnosed anti-social) I knew used the harmless cover-up quite well. Everyone thought he was very funny. I did too, at first. Then, little by little, I realised there was something "not right" about him. At first his seemingly harmless pranks were charming, but after a while, he became more of a nuisance and disrupted our work environment, which created havoc and tension between employees. I've learned, a psychopath can use these disguises for his own hidden purpose.Regardless of race, social class, or occupation, however, the psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..."


There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.) Since the majority or them are men, I wrote this site in part, to warn women about the dangers, especially women online, which I believe is a favourite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths. I have personal experience with this subject as well. This is because "antisocials (psychopaths) are not just characters in our fictional or true-life entertainments. They are family members, friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers we may encounter every day." .

Pamela Jayne, M.A., writes that "30% of men are sociopathic." If about every three out of ten men I may meet are psychopathic, I would assume this is not something to take lightly. According to these statistics, that would mean every three out of ten men and maybe every one out of ten females. The truth is, we do not really know exactly how many individuals are psychopathic; however, there seems to be a rise in the prevalence of psychopathy and that is why some claim that numbers are higher. Dr. Black claims that psychopathy leads right behind depression, along with schizophrenia and borderline personality disorder, which is an astounding fact.

Projection

by Kathy Krajco

Projection is a new name for an old thing, scapegoating. In this section I just explain it in general terms, with examples. In the next section, we zero-in on how narcissists project and what is unique about the way they do it.

Projection. We find it everywhere. Which should be no surprise. It's actually the oldest trick in The Book. Really. The Serpent pulled it on Eve in the Book of Genesis when, in the very act of lying to Eve, he accused God of being the liar.

Here's how the story goes. The serpent had just suggested that Eve eat the Forbidden Fruit, and she replied that God told them not to because eating it would bring about their fall. The cunning serpent said, "God told you THAT?"

Slick, eh? In the very act of telling a whopper, the sneaky snake left-handedly called God a liar, through the power of suggestion. Thus the Prince of Lies pulled an identity-switch with God.


Moses ritualized a demonstration of projection in the Book of Leviticus as the prescribed rite for the annual Day of Atonement.

In this "atonement" ritual, all the people had to come forward, one by one, and make the scapegoat (a perfect yearling firstborn male to represent someone unblemished and with great potential) take their sins away from them and onto himself. How did they do this? By accusing him of their sins and laying the blame on his head. Then they had to purge themselves of him and make him atone for their sins. How did they do that? By chasing him away into the desert until he gave up trying to follow them back home, and then deserting him there. Which was the sentence worse than death = doom, because he would slowly die of thirst.

One hardly thinks they enjoyed doing this. Would you?

Wouldn't you instead get Moses' message? More powerful than a sermon, eh? Wouldn't you hang your head a little, thinking, "Jeez, are we that transparent?"

But never underestimate willful obtuseness' power to get things exactly backwards. Soon, people had done just that. Instead of being duly shamed by this ritual reenactment of how they "cleansed" and "saved" themselves (from justice) by scapegoating those who have the most to lose and are the least deserving, they decided that this ritual meant that this despicable behavior is the right thing to do! the way to cleanse yourself of sin!

How convenient.

They didn't get it later, either, when John the Baptist and Jesus of Nazareth came along and said: "Read our lips: To cleanse yourselves of your sins, don't punish an innocent scapegoat for them! Just R-E-F-O-R-M. Too complex?"

People still managed to just anti-get the message yet again, deciding that this meant they should graduate from animals and sacrifice these two men as the scapegoats to die for/of (in scripture you have this double entente, because the word used can mean either for or of) their sins.

So, then St. Paul gave it a shot. He really tried to make people see that they'd better quit acting stupid and projecting, instead of repenting, their sins. In his letter to the Romans, he basically put it in the plainest terms possible — those of a threat that asked, "Just whom do you think you're fooling?"

You — who steal — preach that other people should stop stealing. You — who commit adultery — preach that others should stop committing adultery. You — who commit sacrilege — preach that others should stop being idolaters. — Letter to the Romans, Chapter 2, verses 21-22
How's that for letting the self-righteous know that you know all their finger pointing is just projection/scapegoating?

Ah, but obtuseness is invincible, and twisted thinking can make black white. So, again this simple message went in one ear and out the other. All three peoples of that Book (Jews, Christians, and Muslims) still got it exactly backwards. They all say that the blood of the innocent victim on them "cleanses" them of their sins.

Projection. We see it everywhere. It's a kind of baptism = a mud bath people give their betters, by rubbing themselves off on them. Here's how it works.

Got a guilty conscience? If so, you've certainly been tempted to say to yourself, "I'm not so bad." To prove that, you must look around for an example of someone who's worse. Then you can say to yourself, "Aha! I'm not as bad as So-and-So."

But guess what? You didn't pick a So-and-So who really has that fault and has it worse than you. You picked someone with very little mud on his name, someone who looks cleaner than you, if possible, someone who has the corresponding virtue instead of that fault.

We're all tempted to pull this stunt. Some of us do, and some of us don't.

For example: If you're stingy, look for someone with a reputation for generosity, because generosity in your neighbor puts your stinginess to shame by serving as a foil that (by contrast) makes your stinginess more noticeable. Then smear your vice off on him. Tell everybody that he's stingy. Make everything he does sound stingy.

Thus you kill two birds with one stone: you rid yourself of your stinginess and him of his generosity.

Not. But looks are everything, and Truth doesn't matter, and this fraud makes you look good by comparison with him. Ah, cheating is much easier than freeing yourself of sin the legitimate way, by repentance.

You can see why narcissists highly prize this device called "projection" and become expert in it.

Projection. We see it everywhere. For example, guess who's favorite portrayal of the President of the United States is as "a Hitler" or "even worse than Hitler?" You guessed it, the Germans. German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder did it in campaign speeches to turn the tide and get elected. And guess whose favorite and constant characterization of Americans is as "arrogant?" You guessed it, the French. Projection.

Once you catch on to projection, you do recognize it in a vast amount of the badmouthing you hear.

Magicians call this trick "misdirection." With one hand magicians misdirect our attention so we don't see what they're doing with their other hand.

Finger-pointers do the same thing. They direct people's attention (critical attention, negative attention) away from themselves and what they're doing by accusing someone else of doing the same, or essentially the same, thing. Thus they make themselves seem like people who never would dream of doing such a thing themselves — while in the very act of doing it.

Pointing the finger at others is a red flag of malignant narcissism.

The worst examples of this that I personally know of happened in schools. In one case, a teacher (a malignant narcissist in a private school) took indecent liberties with, and sexually abused, pubescent boys he lured into his home while his wife was at work on the night shift. It was later discovered that many people knew that he invited boys to his home on Friday nights. But nobody had seen anything wrong with that. Over time, many school employees had caught him in his classroom alone with a boy — behind a closed, sometimes locked, door and in the back where neither could be seen from hall. Nobody had seen anything suspicious in that. Many people knew this teacher had an explosive temper that he often had to make excuses to a berated student for, but nobody had seen anything abnormal in that. In fact nobody saw anything inappropriate in the inappropriately patronizing and intimate relationship he had with his students. Even when it came between them and their parents.

And nobody thought anything of it when, every few years, he seized any opening in a conversation to pop off with "What? Are you the only one around here who doesn't know? He likes boys," referring to some unmarried teacher. One unmarried teacher after another.

Thus he play-acted the part of his anti-type, a man who was abhorred by homosexual child abuse = certainly NOT the type who might do such a thing himself. Though people saw plenty to view with suspicion in that unmarried teacher, nobody saw anything suspicious in the accuser failing to cite any evidence or report these allegations he was so sure of.

They didn't even see anything suspicious in the accuser glomping onto that unmarried teacher to become his best friend. Even when his doing this became a glaring pattern.

Indeed, every single unmarried teacher who came to that school got assassinated by this, his best friend. And nobody thought anything of it! Satan polished his halo by being a pillar of his parish, a lector and lay communion distributor. And he got away with this for over fifteen years.

A serial killer is less cruel. He doesn't betray a sacred trust by doing it to people who have every good reason to trust him. And even if he tortures them, he doesn't doom his victims to a life-sentence of torture in Hell.

Notice that the "innocent" people he fooled ain't innocent. They committed the Original Sin, believing an obvious lie just because it was juicy. Like Eve.


To wit: It flew in the face of reason for her to think God might be lying. He was her creator. He provided everything for her and Adam. Which means that he had proved he wanted what was good them. He denied them but one thing, telling them that it was for their own good. So, what was she thinking? She had every good reason to believe that he was telling the truth.


Moreover, what credibility is there in a stranger who slithers up to you like a sidewinder? Why not doubt the serpent — someone she had no reason to trust?


Bottom Line: God has high credibility; serpent has about zero credibility. So, Eve wasn't honestly fooled: she just liked serpent's version of the world better, because it made her able to be as God. Adam's reason for swallowing the lie was even worse: he just did it to agree with Eve.


In other words, to please her he prostituted his mind to her. And thus political correctness was born.


Narcissists and political character assassins are dangerous precisely because people do this. If, say, you have known someone for 10 years, you know a lot about him. Doubtless, you have seen his honesty tested and seen that he proved to be an honest man. So, nobody should be able to slither up to you tomorrow and tell you he's dishonest. If you buy that, you are betraying that honest man. To believe that lie, you must annihilate history and 10 years of evidence to the contrary. You are not innocent.
Here's an example of the finger-pointer being guilty of the moral equivalent: Mr. Self-Righteous union-busts to keep the workers in his shoe factory so poor they go barefoot — and shows moral indignation in loudly condemning his neighbor for "muzzling an ox trampling the grain." He gets all fuzzy looking if you try to explain to him that he's doing the same thing, only worse. That's because he views rules, not as guidelines to be followed, but rather as red lines to catch other people with one toe over so he can condemn them. So he ignores the spirit of the law and obsesses over the letter of it.

Here's another example of projection that camouflages guilt for the moral equivalent. It also shows that even religious institutions are guilty of projection to polish their image.

The Catholic Church points the finger at mothers who have abortions, saying, "What kind of mother does that?" Okay, that position on the issue is reasonable, and it is the type of thing religion is expected to express its opinion on. But why does the Church harp on abortion when it has so little to say about countless other issues?

What issues? Well, for example, why don't we hear the Church crying out against Catholic dictators who mass-murder and torture their own people? You never hear a peep out of Rome about that. Why does the Church declare women who have abortions excommunicated but not these Catholic dictators? Why didn't it condemn the Irish Catholics in the IRA murdering Protestants? Why doesn't it cry out against the Catholic Mafia? Why doesn't it stop taking money from gangsters and burying them as Catholics in good standing? Why don't we hear the Church crying out against the scourge of child-beating and wife-beating, anti-Semitism and other bigotry, drugs, sweat shops, union-busting, exploiting undocumented migrant workers, and so forth? Why don't we hear it preaching against slander and character assassination? Why is it obsessed instead with just gays and women who have abortions?

The answer is obvious. The Church points the finger at others only for "sins" of which IT is guilty. This deflects attention for those sins off itself and onto others. Damage repair for the Church's image. Not to mention misdirection like that of the teacher in the example above.

The Church goes to great lengths to portray an image of itself as our "holy mother," virtually fusing its image with that of Jesus' mother. The harping on abortion is just part of that act. All this holy motherhood posturing tends to make us forget what Holy Mother Church has done to her own children.

Recall how truculently she has waded through her children by the tens of thousands throughout history. She aborted the lives of countless of her children — throughout the 900 years of the episcopal and monastic inquisitions and now by allowing predatory priests and other religious to sexually prey on countless more of her children. She has stonewalled justice, intimidated victims who seek it, and protected criminals — spiriting them off to Rome or to a distant school or parish for a fresh set of unsuspecting prey.

And to be fair, the Catholic Church certainly isn't the only religious institution guilty of using the pointed finger for misdirection to get our attention off its own sins and act like the opposite of what its conduct makes it. In fact, it does at least have something officially on record against many other evils: religious preachers of other denominations don't even seem to know that the other great evils exist.

Paul was in line with the ancient Hebrew scriptures. Scripture has a name for the spirit in which people point the finger at someone crying, "Look what they're doing! It's evil!" The name of that spirit is satan, which means the "finger-pointer," the "name-slayer" (slanderer, character assassin), the "prosecutor/persecutor," or the "accuser." In some places (e.g., the Book of Job) they also call this spirit "the policer of the world."

So, projection is everywhere.

The worst thing about it is that mud sticks best to a clean spot.

I'm sure that people who do this think they're clever, but it's childsplay. Send a muddy child into an unsupervised schoolyard and wait to see what happens. He will rub himself off on every cleaner, smaller child he can find, until they are all crying and he looks good by comparison.

Looks good by comparison. Those are the all-important words. The hypocrite makes himself look good by comparison with others. He does that the easy way — by smearing himself off on others to make them look bad. This is the root of envy. Which is NOT a rare motive for what people say about others. It's an all-too-common motive.

Cyberpath Gareth Edward Rodger

'Gareth's' victim sent us some chat transcripts and snippets about him which we are including here. If you meet this person online - run like heck. Our comments, as always, are in orange - Fighter





Gareth playing Around With A Male Friend (As I Was Told) Or Does He Have Bisexual Tendancies?











Original Article



CHAT

GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out

VICTIM: big gay out?

GARETH; http://www.biggayout.com
lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)

VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?

GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)

VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!

GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes

VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!

GARETH : Where?

VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe

GARETH: exactly (dummy)

GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.

VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?

GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)

VICTIM: Okies

GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"

VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands
yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.

GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)

CHAT

VICTIM: You there?

GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain
eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)

VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.

GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)

VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?

GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)

VICTIM: no , only you

CHAT

VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today

GARETH: no...you always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)

VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)

VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.

GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)

Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:

GARETH: im looking for a new nickname

VICTIM: Why?

GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)

VICTIM: yup

GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)

VICTIM: good idea

GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth

ME: hehe its you and its your name

GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me

VICTIM: yup loads of results

GARETH: good idea but its taken alot

VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth

GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us

VICTIM: yes it does

GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)

VICTIM: me either

GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it

VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)

GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)

VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer

GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold

VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay

GARETH: ok good

VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach

GARETH: :)

VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)

GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)


Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.

GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end

VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends

GARETH: xxxxxxxxxxxx

GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back

GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)

GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll

VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)

GARETH: yup

GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)

VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card

GARETH: im not saying you ....no point spending on it apart from phone im saying us
in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)

VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins

GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes

VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not

GARETH: no go on

VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?

GARETH: not sure

VICTIM: Everything ok?

GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)

VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything

GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)


More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting.
(He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")

GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.

VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)

GARETH: :)

GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)

30 mins later

VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.

GARETH: heya

GARETH: back

GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.

NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)

VICTIM: I have a video for you I made

VICTIM: thankyou

GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)

VICTIM: your welcome

VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something

GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)

VICTIM: no

GARETH: sorry carry on

VICTIM: Its in the mail

GARETH: checking now

GARETH: aww thanks

GARETH: means a lot

VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way

GARETH: it does

GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)

She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic

VICTIM: have i blown things with you

GARETH: i dunno

VICTIM: ok i understand

GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)

VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)

GARETH: yep (words... only words)

VICTIM: ok :)

GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)

ARGUMENT

I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)

GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)

VICTIM:: No im not

GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)

GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)

VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)

GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)

VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)

GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)

VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)

GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)

GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning

VICTIM: ill go look now

GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning

GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed

GARETH: darling?

GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)

VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish

GARETH: no your not

VICTIM: yes I am

GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)

VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,

GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)

VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!

GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)

VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait

GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)

VICTIM: fine ill wait

GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)

VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"

GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for life...now you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo

GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)

VICTIM: i know that now

GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it

VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)

GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude

VICTIM: no im not

VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always

GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)

VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)

GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)

VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone

GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)

VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!

GARETH: yet (sadist)

VICTIM: im waiting for you

GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)

VICTIM: gods sake

GARETH: not all things are reversible

VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)

GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)

VICTIM: for goodness sakes

GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)

VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset

GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)

VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)

GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait

GARETH: very mature

VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways

GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood

VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine

GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.

(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)

GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now

(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)









COMING TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP

I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.

I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)

His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.

He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)

Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)

Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)

If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)

I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)

When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)

Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)

I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)

He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)

Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)

Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)

He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)

One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)

Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)

We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)

When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.

READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter

Stalking - An Example. YidWithLid

Please read my previous post on "stalking and why they do it"here

Another victim of a psychopath The Stumbling Block has been through hell and back with "YWL" (The psychopath in her life) but that hell is still ongoing as he refuses to STOP STALKING her. Even though the NYPD is involved in the case.

Here is an excerpt from the entry on her website which you can find here


"Just a couple weeks after [YWL]s extramarital activities were found out and we had our “falling out” (he never contacted me after threatening me, never tried to speak with me or explain… I guess that’s his definition of …uh …falling out), I was checking the hit meter for my personal blog.

I stopped short. My PTSD anxiety hit the gas. I was actually shaking.

I was being watched. Yes, me – the “stalker”! I was being stalked!

By YWL. I double and tripled checked and sent it to a geek friend and yes, he was on my blog. Regularly – maybe once a week at least.

I told my counselor, who knew I loved writing and having a blog. She advised me to find a way to block him from my blog if it was so triggering to me. I didn’t want to take it down and start over. I have been blogging since 2002. I really had nothing to hide. Unfortunately, my blog platform does not yet allow for IP blocking."

Of course we are to cut YWL all sorts of slack for my ‘hurting him, his family, etc.’ but no slack for me being completely traumatized, ending up in the hospital a few times, being unable to drive or do much for weeks thereafter, dismantling my computer (according to him I was supposedly stalking & harrassing him then.) – noooo, somehow he stalks me and reads all my pain & anguish but HE’S THE VICTIM. Scary.

Heaven forbid I was something that was a real human being not some THING that could be clicked off with his mouse or blocked on IM, huh?







Please read the rest of her site, and the rest of the Entry

What astonishes me is even when the psychopath/stalker has been caught out, he still DOES IT! he carries on! it's an obsession! The psychopath doesn't stop thinking about himself long enough to realize his victims are smart! and can call them on their behaviour yet the psychopath will still stand there and in plain sight proclaim that "he is the victim" . It's any wonder why they carry on after being exposed, yet we all know it's a compulsion.

“You are dealing with a totally delusional human being, who builds his own fantasies about his reality and believes his own pathological lies. How can you possibly hope to have a healthy relationship with someone who bases his whole existence on deceit? IMPOSSIBLE! And don’t kid yourself – They know exactly what they are doing – They prey, victimize, and devastate.”"

Gareth On Abortion & Money - Emails - When A Psychopath Wants His Own Way..

When I found out I was pregnant with Lily I didn't tell Gareth due to the fact that he warned me if I ever got pregnant again he would leave me so I kept the news to myself for the time being and decided to tell him when I had spoken to him about how he might feel about the prospect, but I was also fearful of the fact he might walk out of the door again.


I felt empty since losing my babies Hope (25 weeks) the year before and Matthew (33 weeks) in 2002 , I was day by day losing all confidence, interest and self esteem in my life living with Gareth, my life was miserable and fraught with stress daily, I wasn't interested in my appearance anymore, I was putting on weight and paying no attention to my 2 elder children. All my attention was fixated on Gareth and whether I was saying and doing the right things to keep him happy.

Psychopaths are like vampires, they suck the life out of you little by little until you are exhausted, & mentally and emotionally bone dry.






Gareth's Departure


A week after finding out I was pregnant I walked into the house to find him packing, he informed me he wouldn't tell me what was wrong and why he was leaving until the next day.

This is what I emailed my father in regards to how Gareth would NOT tell me what was wrong.


Gareth told me to get rid of my mother or he wouldnt talk to me (she was here visiting me) yet still didn't talk to me even when I told my mother to go home!!!


Me: Are you planning on leaving?

Him: "no im not"

Me: "can you promise me that"

Him: "no."

Then he walked out. So I follow upstairs

Me: Can we talk?

Him: " we are not talking go away, or i will have to go out again, ive got lots of work to do and i dont want to go out so go away"

Me: "Is this about work?"

Him: " yes its about work" (in a not so convincing voice.)

Me: "well im off out soon"

Him: "good go away."



I begged him to tell me and finally he informed me he had been monitoring me on the internet by sniffing the wireless network and had seen me talking to someone about my pregnancy(How long he had been doing this is anyone's guess but with a psychopath they do this often "Stalking" )

What did Gareth say to my father when he went round to talk at my fathers request? ...."She's gone and got herself pregnant again"...My father in disbelief replies....: "Hang on a minute don't you mean YOU got her pregnant?"


Gareth asked if he could stay a few more days until he could find some accommodation.

Stupidly I said yes thinking it would buy me some time into convincing him to stay , and give me time to ponder on what I could do to fix everything. Gareth slept on the sofa downstairs and went off to work every morning as if nothing was wrong.


The next day I started bleeding, when I told Gareth he said he was leaving and could I please let him know what happens.

I went to the hospital and found out everything was fine, so on calling Gareth with the news his exact words were "If you had lost the baby I would of come home" he then said "If you get an abortion I might come home


Here are some emails from myself and Gareth when discussing abortion, I did actually consider it , I think I was trying to buy more time to convince or prove my love to him in order for him to come home. At that time I had not discovered his pathology and was completely under his control.


Deep down I didn't want the abortion, I think I stupidly convinced myself that if I made the appointments and did things "his way" then he might stop me at the last minute, realize he is hurting the one he loves and say he was sorry (A lot of survivors of psychopaths believe that the man/woman they fell in the love with in the beginning will return - they never do because the person you fell in love with wasn't real - it was a mask - you fell in love with the image he/she projected)








Here are those emails.....




From: Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Subject: Ok..
Date: 6 July 2006 16:24:59 BDT
To: XXXXXX@gmail.com

Ok, it's apparent you don't want any more contact. I just wish you'd say so instead of just ignoring me - it's just silly.

Seeming as you won't communicate with me I will be renting a removals van, for either an evening or weekend, depending on their prices/availability.

I will have to assume you are in at the time to let me in. I will then abide by your wish and disappear.

With regards to child support etc. - I was going to agree outside of the agencies with you but obviously I can't without contact so it will be upto you to sort that out with them when the time comes.Manipulating me into speaking to him by using threats of child services agencies

It's a shame it has to be this way.

Take care,

Gareth




This is why I am ADAMANT on NO CONTACT! because the cyberpath will reel you back in or confront you and in replying he can manipulate you with more attention, witholding, and attacks. This is the cyberpaths modus operandi of control, he can still control you from afar












From Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 24, 2006 at 2:34 PM
subject Re:

I don't know whether your going to go ahead and do what you said you would with regard to the situation (Abortion) but if you are, you also know it's something you need to book and do now.










From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 24, 2006 at 3:46 PM
subject Re:


Yes I do understand that. However there are few factors that need to be discussed first. We can do that sometime if you like, you would need to come and talk to me again though.












from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 24, 2006 at 4:11 PM
subject Re: Re:




What factors need to be discussed, the reason I ask is because if you do what you said, time is at the essence and if that 's your decision we can talk while your waiting to be seen (He wants to have this adult conversation regarding the abortion while I am in the waiting room - waiting to be seen, that's HOW DESPERATE he is to get it done) instead of holding off until it's too late and you have no choice.

This is your decision and i'm not pushing you, i'm just telling you, if you leave it any longer, even a few days, it's going to get harder, and less likely and then you wont have a choice.

But yes i'm happy to speak to you about it but after work doesn't leave me much time to talk so it's only really weekends which is pushing the date back weeks at a time. (More excuses not to come and see me so we can discuss it and maybe lend me some support)

As for an actual appointment, if you would let me, id take time off work and be there for you. Yeah you'll be there for the abortion but not for me at home

I started reading your book last night.

Hopefully you can reply in time while im in work, hopefully i'll be able to reply in time - might pop in to cybercafe on way to b&b or later if not.












From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 24, 2006 at 4:14 PM
subject Re: Re: Re:


Yeah but I need to talk to you about things so if you have some spare time tonight I can call you on the phone just let me know what time ok.


Then we can discuss it properly rather than over email.












from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Jul 25, 2006 at 1:12 PM
subject Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:


Why don't you email me the day your seeing the doctor so I an call you later that day?












from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Fri, Jul 28, 2006 at 1:25 PM


Any news on Doc?

Anything you want to sort out before tomorrow?

We still on for 10:30ish?

I'll give you a call after work if you don't get this due to being out or something.

If you prefer I call anyway because its faster, say so and i'll give you a call after work, if your out again tonight, don't worry, just contact me on the weekend or something.












My landlord said that 3 months worth of rent was due totaling over £1000, I had until the Monday to pay it or I and my children would be evicted - Gareth KNEW he was leaving 3 months before he actually left as he didn't pay the rent for that entire time - he left me with no food, no money NOTHING - and from the emails below you can see he is trying to put off paying me, using Lies and excuses while STILL hounding me to get an abortion - Manipulation, Manipulation, Manipulation - It's all HE DOES













From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 8:12 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.


Just about to go down to the rent office now

I have offered to pay some money but im still going to need £200 more I dont know whats going to happen, Ill email you as soon as I get back home which will be in an hour or so.







from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 8:31 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.



Ok - good, that's more manageable,

What about the doctor - the one that's taken nearly two weeks to even call - If you're going ahead i'd prefer you told me sooner rather than later.

Hope the meeting goes well,









from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 11:04 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.

The shame is - I had the funds but my bank wouldn't take them as they were in my savings account not my cash card account.


With regard to sorting this - of course I will - the only problem is that I literally don't have enough to pay them 1000£ in one week - If I did, I'd lose my b&b and consequently my job. HE KNEW the rent was due every month so WHY was it in HIS savings account and NOT in the main account so payments could be paid? Why did he transfer THE RENT MONEY over to his saving account when he got paid? - because he already knew he was leaving and didn't want to pay the rent - all psychopaths are selfish


There must be a way to sort this in a real time scale. He means "In HIS time scale"?

Would it be possible to give me the contact number of the guy you met this morning so I can speak to him - explaining I intend to pay this on your behalf. Oh "MY" behalf? Its HIS fault it wasn't paid NOT mine It is only 3 months rent at about 350£ each month - this is not a bad debt if it is paid off asap.

If you could give me the contact details/name ASAP I will sort it.

Otherwise, how are you all doing?

Keep calm,









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 11:26 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.

If you had at least £600 that would be enough as I can get some money elsewhere to cover the rest.

The guy has said it has to be paid asap in one weeks time, or I am out and it is understandable seeing as I havent paid the money. "Seeing as I haven't paid the rent" See even then Gareth made me believe it was MY fault the rent wasn't paid, I was taking ALL the blame

You are being paid either today or in a couple of days £600 wouldnt put you too much out of pocket. Please I really need to pay this off and Ive been down there this morning crying my eyes out and he wont do it on a monthly basis its my last chance Gaz

I have already had my solicitor phone him this morning and he is still saying money within a week.

Oh and I just got post asking me to pay £77 council tax too, I have so many bills now Gaz and nont enough money to cover them all its just not fair I have to deal with all of this yet again.

Also the midwife called this morning said she recieved a very very urgent letter from doctor PXXXXXn and she needs to see me asap tomorrow morning to talk about things as my history isnt very good at all. So I will have to wait till tomorrrow to let you know whats going on with that

I can get an abortion app sooner as it will be through the midwife ok shes coming between 9 am and 12









from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 11:30 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.


As I said I will help you out as much as I possibly can, I will use all my food and travel money - you can't beg for money elsewhere it's not fair on the other person. What he means is I am begging HIM for money knowing HE is at fault - but psychopaths won't EVER admit they are wrong

Can you give me the guys number so I can give him a call.

I'll pop outside and give him a call.

I know I wont be able to stretch it longer than a week but I want numbers, dates amounts etc.










From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 11:47 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.


The amount is £1059.00 and needs to paid in a week, he might be out as he only works morning hours thats why I rushed to see him so early

also he is sending me out the statement with the full amount in the post today so should be here tomorrow morning then you can have the proof you need







from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 11:57 AM
subject Re: Phone calls.



Hi, I believe you,

I wanted to know his definition of a week - this fri/next mon? That's it ....string it out longer - If it wasn't for the fact he wanted the abortion so badly and pushing me to get it, he wouldn't of paid that money to me for the rent, he wasn't going to give me something for nothing

Lot's of other questions too.

As I said, I do care and I will sort you out.






From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
Date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 1:23 PM
subject Re: Phone calls.



Can you let me know whats going on after or if you have tried to call him?

Thank you









from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 1:31 PM
subject Re: Phone calls.


Had to worked through lunch, will try to pop outside soon. Gareth KNEW the landlord wouldn't be at the office in the afternoon as I told him - so he makes ANY excuse not to call

will keep you informed...







From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 1:34 PM
subject Re: Phone calls.



He wont be in the office now, hes only there on mornings thats why he could only see me today so there would be no point in calling him now.

And everyday that goes by im going to worry out of my mind about this

I have the midwife tomorrow between 9 -12 and thats making me uneasy as Im not sure whats going to be said or what will happen, shes spoken to Dr Pakarian and I am frantic about what hes going to say or has said, I have tried calling them to ask but they are out of the office so Im worrying about all these things. He doesn't give a flying fig that I am worrying

You could try calling the guy from the Landlords office but itd have to be in the morning not afternoon










from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Mon, Jul 31, 2006 at 1:56 PM
subject Re: Phone calls.




Will give you a call, go relax, I shall try him tomorrow morning and try sort my finances tonight. I'll give you a call sometime tonight between 6 - 10 depending one when I've had a shower etc. See! his SHOWER is even more important than helping to alleviate my fears and worries I will stop e-mailing so you can sit down.

Go relax,

Speak to you later,










from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 1:40 PM
subject Re: News.

How did your appointment go / are you ok?

~g








From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 1:57 PM
subject Re: News.

I will tell you all about the midwife Im still writing it all down at the moment in an email plus flitting around doing housework and trying to keep my bearings

If you can give me £800 that should be enough for me Gaz, its better than nothing at all and I can scrape the rest together.







from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 3:16 PM
subject Re: News.


Cheers,

Remember that I wont be able to get your mwife (Midwife Email - Even though he left me in debt of over £1000 from 3 months worth of rent arrears the abortion is the only thing HE WANTS) e-mail past 5:20.

I feel very ill from something ive eaten.

~g









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 3:19 PM
subject Re: News.



Any chance you know what money you can give me? 800 would be enough I just dont want it to go on any longer than it has to.

I would take some immodien if your not well always works for me.

I know you cant get email beyond 5:20 I will send it to you and you will get it in time










from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 3:28 PM
subject Re: News.



I'm trying for 800

The only problem being I'll be £-200 by the end of the month so i'm going to have to try and lend some money off my parents again to carry me into next month.


No immodium in work. have you changed your mind about the other situation then? (Abortion)





I tell him the midwife had been to talk , take bloods, and samples









from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 3:57 PM
subject re



Thankyou for your e-mail.

It really helps just to know the situation.

I will be in bed sick all night by the looks of it, might even get a taxi to take me back from work. (Boo Hoo Martyr Man.....Oh so he has money to spend on a cab (taxi) knowing they are expensive, but not enough money for food and travel as he states below?)

I'm working on the money as we speak and have been trying to sort it since you first told me.

I will give you the money, im just trying to work out how to survive after that as I don't have money for food or the b&b rent let alone going home for my birthday and stuff until I next get paid. The psychopath wants me to feel sorry for him, as he isn't going to be able to go home for his birthday to see his parents and get presents - THEY ONLY THINK ABOUT THEMSELVES

Trying to increase my overdraft now.









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Tue, Aug 1, 2006 at 4:05 PM
subject Re: re



Ok then well Ill let you know how things go then.

I wont contact you tonight then seeing as you are sick.

If your not in work tomorrow can you let me know whats what. Ill let you know whats going on with the midwife and appointment by tomorrow , speaking to my dad tonight and let you know once Ive spoken to Jo the midwife.

Gaz im not even going to have a birthday and its going to be a tough month for me to get over all of whats happened so going down to Wales for your birthday should be the least of your worries. Im not going to be having any fun here in fact its the most miserable damn year since the last miserable year (last year) ive had so far at least if my rent is paid up I can relax and not have to worry about losing everything else as well. Sorry I am just stressed out and worrying because time is getting shorter every day




Let me know whats what when your feeling better, id go sleep as soon as you get back to the b&b so you wont get any sicker. try taking some immodiem if you can get it after work all shops should sell it, it works wonders







From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 6:27 AM
subject RE.


Well my fridge freezer was leaking when I got up this morning and isnt working now so Im going to have to replace it today or ill lose all the food in it .

Gaz I know it might feel like im trying to hurry you and being a pain but once you put the money in my account (he keeps putting off giving me the rent money) it does have to clear and that takes 3-4 working days and I need to pay this money by Monday, Im waiting on this 800 then im going to have to find the rest, I have nowhere else to turn and its getting worse, my washing machine already broke this month and Im running out of money and options, please please help me today im desperate and now my fridge has gone I feel like everything is going to hell and Im so upset. I have so much going on right now with the hospital etc I cant handle all this. Can you please please get back to me today

I hope your sickness is gone and your feeling a little better. If your not in work Ill know because you wont reply to this email so I might call you later on today










from Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
to PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 8:01 AM
subject Money



Not feeling too much better, my tummy's doing some odd things.

Will try and send the money today.

Look in the friday ad for a fridge/freezer, if that fails, get seperates, if you cant get one now, you'll have to put it all in your mums fridge and get the food for each day from her before you need it. Why not pay the money YOU OWE ME?- You know I cannot afford to buy a replacement

As I said - will try send the money today.

How'd it go with your dad?











After telling him one of our rabbits died.



From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 9:01 AM
subject Re: Money


Hi,

It's not your week is it.

I know how you feel, I have no money to pay for the B&B after this 800 is transferred.

Don't worry about 'yakking' it's nice to hear from you, I don't talk to many people either.

With the rabbit i'm afraid your best off burying it - ask your dad to pop over with a shovel. It's better than putting it in the bin.


It's good to know you tidied up a bit - it was starting to look dishevelled, and i'm not talking about mess - i'm talking about it being dark and dingy with sheets covering the windows. Open the doors and windows let some light in. (I had blinds up not sheets!)

You looked nice and healthy when I last saw you - keep it up.

I know it's all going wrong but stick through it - keep your chin up. If you topple it just makes things worse. I'm always around to help.funny because you were NEVER here to help

How are you feeling?

Planning anything for your birthday?

It's nice to talk with you, missed it.

-gaz










From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 9:16 AM
subject Re: Money


I am paying you - I'm just going to try and find some money to pay the B&B after. Your my priority. Really? if I were your priority you would not have done nor be doing all this to me

I extended the deadline to the 14th August. He phoned MY LANDLORD to extend the time limit for paying the rent

Im feeling sicky and crap.









From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:07 AM
subject Re: Money


uly B&B = £625 - need to pay this week.

Augusts B&B = 625 - to be paid on 25th.

I have 1800£ in the bank at the moment

£625 + £625 + £800 = £2050

£1800 - £2050 = £-250

So I can't afford that let alone food. I've tried to move Augusts b&b (Bed & Breakfast Only Accomodation) payment to next month but the old lady needs it to pay her bills. So my only option is borrow money from somewhere.

As I said if it was next month it wouldn't be a problem.

Realistically - with food I will need to borrow about £500 for about 7 days at the end of the month to tie me over. Hopefully my parents can do it.









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:11 AM
subject Re: Money


B&B is only £76 a week so that would be £304 a month surely so how come you say its 625? it doesnt make any sense


And the B&B can wait at least 4 days in August surely until you next get paid?

I wish I didnt have to ask you for this money Gaz I really dont , but it should of been paid when you were here and I really need it and everyday its not there im worrying out of my mind, as I wont have anything to pay otherwise,


It would be good if it could wait till next month but it cant I really need to pay it asap, I just wont know what to do otherwise









From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:21 AM
subject Re: Money


I'm giving you the 800 - I said that, I promised it, I'm not in the same B&B as before im in one near the high street - the other one was nearly 45 minutes walk from work - 21£ per night for the smallest room in the B&B im in now.









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:23 AM
subject Re: Money



Oh I thought you were in the same one as you said it was an old lady before and its an old lady now.

Sorry I thought it was the same one as before, my mistake. No no I got it right, he was LYING









From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:32 AM
subject Re: Money


Im even scared to go shopping today and spend £40 for gas and food just in case I wont be able to pay the rent, but With my freezer stuff gone Ill have to spend it .

I should be going out around 2pm today shopping if my mum can get here on time, no doubt she will be late.

You really should grab something for your sicky feeling, try to grab something on the way home today









From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:46 AM
subject Re: Money


Buy the essentials.

Don't worry about the money. I give you my word i'll transfer it.

In all honesty - is it a good idea for it to sit in your account for the next 10 days? Do you have debt on that account?

I have stuck the 800 for you in my savings so it cant be debited at all - the moneys not going anywhere.In your savings account?!!! how about TRANSFERRING IT OVER TO ME?!








From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 10:57 AM
subject Re: Money


Its ok to transfer it now as my bank account at Barclays is a brand new account and has nothing coming out of it, I set up the new account as I wanted an account that was completely clean, so I wouldnt worry about the money going anywhere as its perfectly safe in there.


ill only be buying the bare essentials anyway, I need gas as ive been out of gas for over a week now been using the microwave to cook food , so Ill grab some gas and only the things we need.


Id rather it sit in my account for 10 days so I can relax and not worry.

My direct debits dont come out of that account as I dont want money going out of it that I might need at a certain time,.

Thank you so so much Gareth, Ill try my best to get money to you once I get my benefits Meaning I was going to help HIM OUT with money for helping me out










From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 11:02 AM
subject Re: Money


Ok - aslong as your sure its safe.

I don't need any money from you after, im not lending it, im giving it to you.

Cool now I have a stabbing pain in my side.

I just want to be sick so I stop feeling like im going to be sick.










From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 12:20 PM
subject Re: Money


So far cant get hold of blood test results till I talk to Jo (Midwife) so ill phone her once I get back from shopping,

You ok?

Hope you start feeling better soon, try eating something











From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 2:35 PM
subject Re: Money



Ye im ok, just feel really fragile. probably just going to go be sick and get it over with - not in work though - i'll have to wait till i get back.

Did you sort all the shopping ok with regard to freezers etc.?











From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 2:56 PM
subject Re: Money


Think Im actually going to lay down for a little while and get a snooze and wait for Jo (Midwife) to call back, Ill let you know whats happening if not by email then by phone.

I hope you feel better later Gaz, Try to take something for this sickness and get some sleep when you get back to the B&B. Hope you dont have this all tomorrow.

Thank you so much again for transferring the money I dont know what I would of done without you, If you need anything from me just ask and I will return the money when I can.

Have a good sleep and try to eat something ok, remember lots of water!

Ill phone you tonight









From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 3:20 PM
subject Re: Money

I can't wait to get some sleep. Feel horrid.

Have a nice evening.

And I don't want any of this money back ok, you can't afford it and you are in no way indebted to me ok!

Have a nice nap, keep me informed with Jo (Midwife) - she'll be going home soon anyway so unless you call her I doubt you will hear anything for another day.










From PND XXXXXX@gmail.com
to Gareth Rodger XXXXXX@gmail.com
date Wed, Aug 2, 2006 at 3:26 PM
subject Re: Money




Yeah it seems like you have come down with something really horrible sounds less like food poisoning to me and more like a bug! Really try to get something anything for the sickness and get some much earned sleep.!

Yeah I am going to call Jo (Midwife soon if she doesnt ring me back but I have her mobile number too so that does help.

Thankyou so much for helping me Gareth, I really appreciate it and I will always feel indebted to you. (That's what a psychopath programs you to think - Look at me I am pathetic - begging and praising him for HIS SCREW UPS!)

No problems if you have time read the book but I think you should go straight to bed or have a long shower then bed, you dont seem well enough to even be at work!

Ill call you later and let you know whats going on with Jo (Midwife)

Speak soon take care of yourself tonight








from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 7:39 AM
subject Hi.

Hi Gareth,

Just thought I would email and see how you are doing, I hope you feel better this morning.

I will email you later today with any news I might get ok.

Have a good day at work








From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 8:07 AM
subject Re: Hi.


Heya,

Yea, had an early night feeling alot better, XXXXXX's (his boss) sending me pissy e-mails..

"Whatever you need in terms of us working together, tell me and I'll meet with you. If you need to declare a sick day(s), do so and fulfil our commitment to XXXXXX and XXXXXX. I'll pay you for those days but you MUST treat this work as a priority now."

etc.

So i'll have to go down wales for the weekend and work there - then I have the net if I need it. I've booked a half day so I can make an early start.

Any word from Jo (The Midwife Who Arranges Abortion Appointments + Consultations) because another weeks passed.

Hope your ok,

~g










from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 8:12 AM
subject Re: Hi.


Heya,

Good, glad your feeling a lot better.

XXXXXX sounds as if hes really annoyed but hey that's not your fault, you have two jobs and you are not a miracle worker, they should give you a little leeway but a weekend working for them may calm them down.

Im calling her this morning. ill let you know once I have spoken to her.

-XXXXXX











from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 9:05 AM
subject Re: Hi.


I called her on XXXXXX its the "community" dept in the hospital where Jo is based, the other midwife said that Jo is on community today meaning shes out making house calls, so I left a message.

If you want to call at any time you can.

You are welcome to call the community midwife dept if you like her name is Jo XXXXXX

I will of course keep trying her dont worry, if she doesnt call back today I will call Dr XXXXXX as he knows everything to do with my history, but Im guessing he will tell me to just come and see him when I have my appointment with him on wednesday


Also Jo said she would get my scan appointment and I havent heard about that so I am thinking as normal I would have it just before seeing Dr XXXXXX on wednesday.

You have to have a scan first before abortion anyway as its mandatory and checks you do actually have a baby in there.

Ill keep trying Gaz, dont worry about anything ok... Even if I have to wait till wednesday when I see the doctor at the hospital the midwife said its fine to wait till then and I probably wouldnt get an abortion appointment until beginning of next week anyway.

I will sort it all so when you are down at Wales at the weekend I will send you emails (whether you get them or not) ok.. just so you are not kept in the dark

I am trying my best here Gareth, and Im not wasting time I know how important it all is and I am not putting it off you can call the lady yourself if you wish to.

Dont stress about it all, Im doing that enough as it is. hehe

Ill let you know if she calls today if she doesnt or I cant get hold of her ill let you know regardless

-XXXXXX







from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 10:19 AM
subject Re: Hi.


Hi,

Thankyou, should be able to pickup stuff in wales without a problem.

Knowing our luck the appointment will probably be on your birthday or something. heh, we can never win can we. (Goading me - My birthday is the 13th August so he probably thought it was great if the abortion was on that date- another kick when Im down)

Can you confirm the money went in ok? (I FINALLY get the rent money - I had to borrow £250 extra from my parents to pay the rest of it because Gareth wouldn't or couldn't pay it

~g








from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 11:20 AM
subject Re: Hi.

Off now,

Keep me informed and have a good evening. I'll be on a train for most of it.

Take Care,

~g








from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 11:21 AM
subject Re: Hi.


Bye try to have a good time in wales.

Ill keep you updated








from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Fri, Aug 4, 2006 at 11:23 AM
subject Re: Hi.



Need to work on litts and play with dog. Those are my priorities.

speak to you soon,

~g




Priorities!!!!!! how about a PREGNANT PARTNER!!!! what about HER?!








On telling Gareth everything was ok with my blood test except I had a B12 Deficiency




from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Tue, Aug 8, 2006 at 9:51 AM
subject Re: Blood test results.

Heya,

Haven't you always been anemic? - You've always had the iron tablets for it?

Have you decided what you are going to do now or are you still deciding? he is referring to the abortion again

Take care,

~g



ill spare the long email from me - it was telling Gareth to stop asking me about the decision to get an abortion and to tell him about the blood results and medication I was to take





from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Tue, Aug 8, 2006 at 9:59 AM
subject Re: Blood test results.



Sorry about asking but I just want to know, you said you'd decide after seeing the doc.

Just wondering whether you've set up an appointment to go ahead or not.

~g



I have already told him I have to have the scan first and see the doctor before I can go ahead with appointments and decisions but he thinks everything can be done in the blink of an eye, he wants the abortion so badly he calls me to say he will come with me and hold my hand throughout the whole procedure





from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Tue, Aug 8, 2006 at 10:01 AM
subject Re: Blood test results.


havent set up an appointment as I cant until I have the scan and see dr XXXXXX which is tommorrow and I need to get this GP thing blood crap out the way today one thing at a time im under oodles of pressure here and worried








from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Tue, Aug 8, 2006 at 11:05 AM
subject Re: Blood test results.

Hi back...

The doctor had all my blood test results and said everything is fine, he said the red blood cell count was only moderately high and I shouldn't worry about it,

Im getting my blood taken tomorrow at 10AM by the nurse at the surgery in XXXXXX so they can send the bloods off asap.

Apart from that the doctor gave me some iron tablets and said it was nothing to worry about

But I am still worried so hopefully the midwife will call back and reassure me






from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Tue, Aug 8, 2006 at 11:18 AM
subject Re: Blood test results.


Heya,

That's good to hear, I know your busy, just keep at it, I don't enjoy doing stuff everyday either.You are at work! how is that the SAME as going through uncertainty on whether or not your life could be ended because you choose to carry a baby to term? how is that the SAME as worrying for the life of your child? how is work and relaxing everyday knowing you have on responsibilities the SAME as having to find money to pay bills, run the children to school, rush to appointments, emailing you, going through stress? - IT"S NOT! but of course with a psychopath it's all about YOU

Had a late night last night (3am) after doing Litt's so i'm having an early night tonight, completely knackered and being really slow at work. Oh well its flash and 3d so atleast its not boring (other than the fact its a perconal injury compensation calculator).

Have a relax now until tomorrow, use this time to plan times for appointments.

It's good to plan and get a hold of things, if i remember correctly it's explained by internal + external locus of control.

Might be in that psychology book upstairs:

Locus Of Control

Wiki


Articles On Locus Of Control



Essentially take control, so nothing is left to external factors. e.g. get bus times instead of guess them. Write it all down, and by being in control of the situation stress is relieved.

Yea, you know how i get into my psychology once i start nattering about it.

One example.. if your train is delayed on the way to work, and you have an internal locus of control (take control of situations yourself instead of attribute them to external factors) then you would be stressed untill you took control of the situation by asking the guard how long the delay will be then phoning work explaining the situation.

Yes, im bored and tired. Hope it helps,

~g




In other words Gareth is saying "Don't let ANYTHING get in the way of appointments ie: Abortion, make sure you don't leave anything to chance - Get it done - Get it done











After the doctors appointment


from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Wed, Aug 9, 2006 at 4:23 PM


About to finish work now, I assume your still out, hope all went ok.

Keep me informed,

~g






from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Wed, Aug 9, 2006 at 7:47 PM
subject Call.


Sorry about the last email I only decided to call you after I sent it,

Like I said so so tired and washed out and upset and unhappy at the moment, being there today and seeing so many happy couples just reminds me im alone again and going through this on my own and I dont think you could even understand how that makes me feel and how wounded and hurt and unhappy that makes me. (At the pregnancy clinic in the hospital)

All I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep as much as possible, Ill email you tomorrow which by the time you read this will be today .

-XXXXXX






from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Thu, Aug 10, 2006 at 9:35 AM
subject Re: Call.


Hi,

No worries, Hope your feeling better today.

Nick phoned me last night at a stupid hour as usual and said an XXXX number called him on a Saturday night, then said he might of accidentally called you (drunk) on the prev. Friday.

If that's the case, im very sorry, I asked him to delete the number and he said "nah its alright" so then I got arsey with him and he said he'd delete it.

Thanks for the call, it is 'reassuring'. No mention of what I said in the previous email - I was just trying to get him to understand how miserable I was but as psychopaths all do - they run away from real emotions and like to punish you with the silent treatment or they withold

Have a good day,

~g






from PND
to Gareth Rodger
date Thu, Aug 10, 2006 at 3:00 PM
subject Scan


I have a picture of the scan, I scanned it in at my mums house if you would like to see it I can send it to you, its rather large as its 300DPI

but you are welcome to see it if you would like to









from Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Thu, Aug 10, 2006 at 3:06 PM
subject re: image


I think it's best you don't send it to me.

~g







Emailed him with the details of the scan and the doctors informing me that "There is a chance the baby might be ok during this pregnancy" I didn't say I wasn't going through with the abortion and I didn't say I was... his next reply was my answer - he was going to leave me regardless of whether or not I went through with it. I knew from his answer I couldn't do anything to save the relationship, it was hopeless





From Gareth Rodger
to PND
date Thu, Aug 10, 2006 at 3:03 PM

Thankyou for your e-mail.

As I have said every-time I call you, I just want to know what you are going to do. Thank-you for telling me what I was waiting for you to say.

I was thinking more in terms of my future and your future. That is where our opinions have always differed.

Thanks,

~g







See?! This was Gareth bargaining ie: Rent for Abortion, I didn't see that at the time, but that's what he was doing, he wanted a fair trade, (money for death) - Gareth is a sick, evil, twisted being