The Narcissist's Strange Relationship to the World Around Her

A narcissist has no proper relationship with herself. She unknows the self inside and identifies with something external, her projected image, instead. Hence, NPD has often been called a "disorder of the self."

Now THAT'S a pretty important relationship to foul up. If you don't relate to yourself, how can you relate to anyone else?

Narcissists don't. They relate to other human beings as objects. You know - objects, things to use and ab-use for self-serving purposes. Things that have no rights, no right to be even. Things that have no feelings. Tools.

Until that fact sinks in, you just don't "get" malignant narcissism. You keep acting on the premise that the narcissist has some feelings for you, some conscience. And that premise is all wrong. Based on it, nothing makes sense. Hence you keep pinching yourself and wondering whether it's you or the N that is crazy.




The more I see, the more impressed I am by how a narcissist relates to the world around her. These are just my observations, but they are based on a lifetime of experiences fit together like the pieces of a puzzle - for what that's worth.

It's like she goes around with an artist's pallet and paintbrush in hand, painting over reality here and there, almost whimsically and on the fly, to make it more to her fancy or liking.

I think this is a lot like little children do as their minds and personalities begin to take shape. Their mind becomes a playground. They discover how it can be used to "alter" any reality they don't like. They tend to get carried away in flights of the imagination like Alice in the Looking Glass Room.

To us in the real world, the world Alice is in there behind the Looking Glass looks like this one. But beyond the edges of the glass (our look into her life) nothing is the same as in the real world. (More on this in the book.) In fact, Alice says that it's as different as can be.

She made it that way in flights of reckless fancy, often on a whim, just to make her world more interesting and exciting than the real world.

This reminds one of all the reckless experimentation with LSD and other mind-altering drugs, especially during the 1970's.

Fortunately, children normally attain the Age of Reason, when they develop a preference for truth and reality. Partly, they learn to fear the terrible power of the mind to alter perception and delude itself. Partly, they want to grow up and live in the real world like older kids and adults do.

They still daydream and take off on flights of the imagination. But they clearly distinguish between dreams and reality now. For example, they won't insist that you set a place for their imaginary friend at the table anymore.

The more I see, the more I suspect that narcissists never really made it to that point. From time to time they will say something that betrays their presence in some strange other world.

Ms. Painter does the same thing with the people in her world. She paints over them to make a work of art of them, one more to her liking. In doing so, she reduces them to caricatures. Pay close attention to the way she talks about others, and you will see that.

I am constantly struck by how similar these characterizations are to those of a novelist. In a novel, you don't want your secondary characters and minor characters to distract attention from the main characters, so you deliberately draw what we call "flat" characterizations of them. Caricatures. Often called "cartoons," because they have no depth.

To keep them from being bland and boring, you spice up the hero's sidekick with some eccentricity that makes him entertaining. In fact, in novels where attention is on the plot or whodunit, even the main character (e.g., Inspector Poirot) may be little more than a cartoon with some entertaining idiosyncrasies.

Notice that this is what a narcissist makes of the people she talks about. They aren't people; they are characters. There's a difference, you know. They aren't even realistic characters with depth; they are cartoons, caricatures.

She may describe a person as a "Kris Kringle" one day and as a "b****-slapper" the next though.

Because she is an artist, you see, CREATING and EDITING these cartoons on the whims of fancy, reducing human beings to them.

If you ask her about these people, you will find that she actually knows nothing about their character. How could she? She gets 100% of their attention without giving back any of hers. So, how could she have noticed anything about their real character?

All have but bit parts in an autobiographical work of fiction that is all about her.

Of course the narcissist is shallow too. How could she not be shallow? She doesn't identify with the real person inside; she identifies with the image she paints of herself. Another mere character, not a real person.

This is why a narcissist will be a Nazi one day and a socialist the next. She is just another character she creates. So, she can change that character any time the story isn't going the way she wants.

And she does everything possible to make the world reflect her fantasy. Her fantasy about you. (Through character assassination.) Her fantasy about the past. (By pathological lying.) Her fantasy about herself. (In con artistry.) She couldn't possibly have greater contempt for truth.

Top 10 Relationship Wreckers

1. Neglecting Your Partner (ignoring, workaholism, addictions):A primary function of a relationship is to provide companionship and to meet each other’s needs. When other activities, interests or preoccupations interfere with our availability, we can wind up short-changing our partner. This can be thought of as absenteeism or being MIA. Taking an inventory and making adjustments in how we spend our time is the first step in correcting this problem. Treat your partner as the important person they are by spending enough quality time together to satisfy each of your requirements in this area and to maintain your connection.

2. Depriving Your Partner (not being attentive, expressive, affectionate, supportive, caring, loving):Being there physically is not enough. We cannot expect our relationship to thrive if we withdraw emotionally for extended periods of time. In order to be fully present, we must be aware of our partner and be willing to show how we feel both verbally and non-verbally. Expressing love though affection and caring behaviors are crucial to keeping a relationship strong and vibrant. Small regular doses of intimacy will usually suffice, and the most important times of day to communicate positively are upon waking, upon reuniting after a long day, and before going to sleep.



3. Dishonesty & Betrayal (infidelity, lying):Most people are aware that the foundation of any relationship is T-R-U-S-T. In no relationship is trust more important than in a relationship between mates, except for a parent and dependent child relationship. Cheating and lying breaks down the basis for a relationship, and often results in its demise. A problem of this nature is serious, and resolving it must be a top priority if the relationship is to survive. Couples counseling is highly recommended in order to facilitate the changes that are needed.

4. Attacking Your Partner (blaming, abuse – physical, emotional, sexual):Aggressive communication is simply unacceptable, especially if the abuse is getting physical. Physical or sexual abuse are deal-breakers in a marriage, and should prompt a permanent separation. The abusive partner needs to get professional help to learn skills in anger management, in order to gain and consistently demonstrate better control over his or her emotions and behavior. Even if the help is sought and progress is made, the risk of recurrence remains high, so in most cases, the abused partner should not return to the relationship. Returning serves to reinforce the abusive behavior, leading to increased severity and frequency of subsequent abuse. Instead, the abused partner should also seek help, and work through issues that have potential to lead one into another abusive relationship. Verbally blaming, accusing, and insulting your partner are less extreme forms of destructiveness, but are not OK either, and assertiveness training can provide the essential skills for healthy communication.

5. Scapegoating (taking your anger or frustration out on you partner):We all know that it’s not right to kick the dog after a hard day at work, so why do it to your partner? Being held responsible for things that are out of our control is the most stressful of conditions, and that is what we do to our partner when we scapegoat them. Rather than hurt the ones you love, do what it takes to meet the real problem head-on, as effectively as you can. If you are unsure of how to address a problem, the strong and mature thing to do is to ask for help and support from trusted sources (i.e., a friend, relative, or therapist).

6. Negativism (nitpicking, nagging, criticizing):In order to have a good relationship, the positives must outweigh the negatives by a large percentage. If negativity is creeping into your relationship, it is like water seeping into walls, eventually weakening the structure. People usually feel good around others who are upbeat and positive, as well as those who help them to feel good about themselves. Bringing a negative spirit into your relationship crowds out the positive. However, pushing aside or neglecting to address real problems is not the answer either, and can be just as harmful to relationship health as dwelling on the negative. So pick your battles wisely, strive to communicate effectively, and practice cooperative negotiation.

7. Gossiping (telling family or friends about your problems but not addressing them with your partner):That’s right, if you are talking about the problems in your relationship with friends or relatives but not working on improving the situation, that amounts to gossip. Gossip is not a productive way to handle problems, and can result in additional problems. For instance, your partner may feel betrayed that you revealed sensitive material to others that cause him or her to be embarrassed or uncomfortable around them. Also, if you promote a negative side of your partner or your relationship, others may get a distorted view, and changes in their attitudes and behavior may follow. Others may remember your conflicts long after you and your partner have gotten past them. Instead, work on improving your communication skills. Turn toward your partner, not away. If you need help, seek out the assistance of an objective third party such as a therapist who works with couples. When it comes to your needs, stop complaining and start asking!

8. Controlling Your Partner (“my way” or else, perfectionism, trying to change your partner, possessiveness):Wanting things to be a certain way and having preferences are completely natural and even healthy. However, when this tendency becomes extreme and starts to encroach on the rights, needs and desires of others, it can cause major havoc. Freedom of will and self-determination are basic needs, and when these are being threatened, negative reactions may include anger, resentment, and/or rebellion. If the need to control is a problem in your relationship, identify the motivations behind it and work towards dealing with those issues rather than acting them out with your partner.

9. Putting Yourself First (self-centeredness, selfishness, entitlement):It’s not “all about me,” folks. Letting one’s self interests take priority in an unbalanced way can be toxic to a partnership. The other person usually winds up feeling deprived, resentful, and unimportant. Furthermore, the more self-involved you are, the more you take your relationship for granted, the less you appreciate your partner, and the more alone you actually are. So if your relationship is slanted in this way, you also lose out, because you experience less of the joy that a true connection brings. You and you partner both get more from the relationship through reciprocity in giving and receiving.

10. Putting Yourself Last (self-neglect, passivity, self sacrifice):Martyrs are seldom happy. More often, they are angry, bitter, resentful, depressed and burned out. This is not to say that you should not consider others and be thoughtful in meeting their needs. But having a healthy relationship involves factoring your own needs and desires into the equation. You teach people how to treat you, and if you act like a doormat, you can’t completely blame someone if they wipe their feet on you. Learn how to stand up for yourself, practice assertive communication, ask and allow others to meet your needs, and take care of yourself as much as you take care of your loved ones.

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Queen Bees, Wannabees & The Men That Love Them.

Note: Any men who happen to stumble upon this post , this is about you too, that's right buddy , keep reading, you'll be glad you did

Queen bees, we have all met them throughout the various stages in our life, especially high school. What exactly is a Queen Bee?

Think back to high school, the awkward stage of your teenage life where everything revolved around make up, boys, humiliation, hormones , hair and BFF's.

A Queen Bee exists in that dark shadowy often glamorous place of what we call a "Clique".

In other words she leads the pack of drones who follow , work and worship the Queen. Maybe you have met her?, she might have been the Prom Queen or Cheerleader in your high school.

The Queen Bee viciously stings anyone who gets in her way. Just like in a colony or hive of bees, her Drones (worker bees) primary job is to do all the dirty work for the Queen Bee. These Drones are commonly called "Wannabees" in high school.


Outsiders usually know the Queen Bee better than her drones (friends). She will often bitch about them behind their backs or play her friends off against each other for her own amusement. However even if one of her drones does happen to realise her cruelty she will often stay loyal to the Queen Bee out of fear of being bullied, humiliated and cast into loserdom.

This leads the Queen Bee to have an extreme ego and a magnetic confidence so as she leaves high school she can continue her reign at college and later on into the workplace. Oh and because of her charming magnetic personality she will very often achieve a better job than you due to her charisma and manipulation tactics she learned to polish and refine in high school.

The Queen Bee has substantial influence and power over the clique, and is usually envied and looked upon as a role model by clique members and at times by outsiders to the clique. Her actions are closely followed and imitated by her wannabees/drones , (even though they may not be of a positive nature.) which is why you'll find they all look and act alike. The Queen Bee can usually be found dating the wealthiest or most popular guy in school.


The social role of the outcast is defined as anyone that the queen bee dislikes. Clique members may victimize the outcast in order to continue their membership in the clique, elevate their power position, or to receive praise from the Queen Bee.

In most cliques there is, at least to some degree, a power struggle for the position of the Queen Bee. Much like the Queen Bee of a colony or hive of bees she will generally seek out potential queen rivals and attempt to kill them. Queen Bees will quickly find, sting and kill any other emerged potential (virgin) queen (or be dispatched themselves).

It is a world of competition, manipulation, bullying and cruelty and you think once you have left high school behind and enter the adult world, the drama, bullying and cruelty is over right?.....

.....Wrong! Queen Bees NEVER grow up and mature into good natured adults, They just get better at their skills of manipulation and control. They become more covert and subtle at it.


She is the female equivalent of the Alpha Male, she could be your sister, your BFF in high school or your boss. She dominates everyone she conceives to be beneath her, using her psychological power games to control and intimidate.

On the outside, her lips dripping with honey, she flatters and compliments , she comes across as beautiful, good and humble but behind that "front", behind that "veil of goodness and holiness" lies an Aggressively competitive , cruel and deceitful, wicked woman. What most people like to call "A two faced, nasty bitch"






She uses subtle and socially acceptable feminine ways to channel her need for dominance. Two faced in every way imaginable, jealous, wicked, boastful, vulgar and repulsive. In a relationship, she may become a shrewish harridan, use subterfuge and manipulation or feminine wiles to get her way.

Once trapped and initiated into the Queen Bees Clique, you lose all sense of identity, you are no longer an individual with likes, dislikes, or personality, you cease to be unique and become an extension of the Queen Bee herself. An object.




The Two Main Types Of Queen Bees


* The high-profile type is generally gregarious, outspoken and highly visible. She is often seen as the "woman who wears the pants in the family".

* The low-profile type is soft-spoken, giving the illusion of being solicitous, motherly, protective, even appearing very submissive. The low-profile type may be the most dangerous, as she is the most difficult to discern. She relies heavily on manipulation for her power, in extremely subtle performances.


No matter which catagory the Queen Bee fits into she will always hide under a cloak of goodness. A pretense of righteousness. she gets away with her evil by calling her evil good.


The Queen Bee acts like she's in love with herself. And she is in love with an ideal image of herself. She wants you to be in love with her pretend self too. She doesn't see herself doing anything except being adored, and she doesn't see anyone else doing anything except adoring her.

I have watched highly skilled modern adult Queen Bees work a room, a boss, a boyfriend, a lover, family members. Despite their level of sophistication and professional achievements, the Adult Queen Bee turns to certain sure fire tactics to arouse desire and clinch their deal.

These women are obsessed with their image. Physical attractiveness is a source of constant attention and upkeep , hence the constant grooming, tanning, dieting, celebrity worship/imitation, reapplying make up every 5 minutes etc.... You get my drift.


The most successful Queen Bees are covert. They appear to be friendly, considerate and innocuous but on close observation they give themselves away. At parties, they are cordial with the women but focus their laser beam attention on high powered, wealthy men. They dress just provocatively enough to attract male attention.


There is a strong sexual vibration emanating from them. You sense their superiority over other women in their ability to attract and sexually exploit men to move their agendas forward. They turn up the sexual vibe, which is irresistible to the male target. Sauced in a state of sexual obliviousness, most men are clueless and helpless under the erotic spell of such women.

Their act is highly polished and most men are turned on and can't shut off the primal sexual switch (We don't blame you for this one guys) Many of these Queen Bees move from one relationship to the next in their quest to be on top.




It's A Trap!

Every trap must have something that entices and allures and attracts its victims. A mouse trap uses cheese which appeals to mice. The fish hook uses a wiggling worm which attracts fish.

Every trap must have bait, and the sex trap is baited by a wicked woman At first glance it would seem that every thinking young man would want to run from such a woman. The way that she is described is appalling, not appealing. And yet she is very successful in alluring and attracting men to herself.






For The Men - The Queen Bee That You Call "Just High Maintenance"


Although this is mainly a blog on Narcissistic Men, I have heard somewhere that there are kind, loving, devoted men out there who want that one of a kind , mind blowing woman who makes his world a better place to live in, So this is for them.








Do not be mistaken into thinking or believing these Queen Bitchy Bees need a white knight to rescue them, they need a thorazine drip and a straight jacket. Yes they are beautiful, yes they make you want to jump out of your pants and into theirs, but once it's over and you find yourself desiring a gun more than you desire to carry on living with this "Needy Princess" she's going to pull the “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine. line. By the time this happens, it is too late, use the gun.

Remember guys "Beauty is for but a season, but crazy and abusive is forever"


There are tons of beautiful and I mean drop dead gorgeous, kind, caring, psychologically fit girls out there, trust me, I've met them, do not be duped into thinking "All beautiful women are PMS induced bitches" but do carry around a "Red Flag Checklist" at all times, and not after you jump into her pants, by then it's too late and the damage to your psychological well being is done.


The Queen Bee views her ability to control you as a matter of survival—her psychological survival, that is. “Being in control gives her the temporary illusion of a sense of calmness. When she feels she is prevailing, you can just about sense the tension oozing out of her”


Think about it. How often does she smile? how often is she in a good mood? When she’s gotten her own way? pulled one over on you? The size of her smile reflects the size of the knife in your back



Let's have a look at the different types of crazy , demonic like behaviour exhibited by the Queen Bee in a relationship....you ready for this?




* Increasing the Volume; Not the Logic.

The more you tell her she's wrong , the louder she's going to get.

She will shout, scream , stamp her feet and repeat every word twice. The "I am going to kill you" look she gives you that makes you want to crawl up into your own ass and die is an added bonus.

The more logical YOU are, the more the volume increases until it reaches a glass shattering pitch.



* It's A Pity Party & The Invite Is Mandatory

When the "Princess" has been reprimanded and the "logic" balls have been thrown at her head, the pity card is whipped out. She will claim she's being attacked and unfairly criticized. The "crocodile tears" will start to flow, she will hyperventilate through racketing sobs and declare you to "be unfair", "a bully" or their favourite "You don't love me"

If that doesn't work , the princess will pull out the overused "Almost Raped" excuse , whereby she will claim she said "no" but "he took advantage anyway"

This Queen Bee will pout, sob, scream and possibly self harm until you apologize, grovel , beg, and congratulate her for being so brave for telling the truth. By this time this will nullify all of her bad behaviour and her slate will be scrubbed clean because she was "Truthful, brave and courageous" and because of course you were manipulated into giving her another chance.

This is what the sane call "BS". Do not fall for the temper tantrums and lies.




Jealousy

Yes, she is flirting with that Brad Pitt lookalike over at the bar. She does this to make you jealous, plain and simple. You obviously haven't done enough begging , buying gifts, wooing, appeasing, being attentive and rolling out the red carpet in her favour.

If she is paying attention to someone else, wearing slutty apparel and generally making you mad enough to punch a hole in the wall , then her plan is working.

Getting you worked up, angry and making it all about her is exactly what she wants. Drama = Attention remember this.

Once she's pulled the "You can't talk/look/speak/listen to any other women" that's your cue to run away. But remember in her world of fantasy , because let's face it that's all it is, she has the right to talk/look/listen/ to any man she wants. There is no 'Fair Play" in the land of delusion.


Remember Boys, According To Miss Queen Bee:


She always has "Male Friends With No Sexual Attraction"

You Always Have "Female Friends You're Trying To Bed/Love/Marry/Need/Make Babies With"


If you have any female friends, kiss goodbye to the good looking one's now, because you're never going to see them again. Your Queen Bee will scope out and analyze every female you know and become increasingly hostile towards them, especially if you appear to enjoy yourself in their company.

Temper tantrums, screaming, silent treatment, checking your email, scanning the network and hacking your phones/wallet/computer for any evidence of flirting is going to be included in your daily life. By flirting I mean:

* Laughing, complimenting her , saying hello, smiling,

* Talking about your mum/work/hobbies/what you ate for dinner

* Taking her advice

* Consoling her because her dad just died.

* :) ;) :D :( xxx, or *hug* can also be seen as flirting.


Yes , that's correct , this Queen Bee will demand you not to talk to anyone with a vagina because it instantly means you are flirting with her, having an affair with her, secretly want to make babies with her or "Leading her on"

Besides all your female friends are ugly/useless/boring/sluts/bitches according to Queen Bee. You'll also be castigated for "spending too much time down the pub" with your male friends, so kiss goodbye to them too.

However if Miss Queen of the world wants male friends, you are to shut your mouth and deal with it because you know there is no physical attraction there, they have known each other since birth. He has a girlfriend so you shouldn't be threatened.

Don't believe this BS because that's just what this is: BS


If you're still not convinced, read on buddy.



* Gaslighting.

Queen Bees who use gaslighting deny their dirty deeds and accuse you of the very same sins they committed (projection).

They also inject a tiny morsel of truth into a huge whopping lie until you begin to doubt your own sanity and come across as a crazy person when you try to defend yourself. You'll often find yourself sitting in a dark corner of a room rocking back and forth and banging your head against the wall.



* Name-Calling.

Normally the last resort of crazy women. They have no intelligence to defend their bad behaviours and lies so they sink to the level of "personal attacks".

This is a distraction to keep you sidetracked. She puts you on the defensive so she can back you into a corner and have her way.

Name calling will get you nowhere, and doesn't prove her point. It just proves she really does need that psychiatric evaluation

Sink to her level if you wish with a counter attack or walk away from her and your relationship.

Do you really want to be with a grown woman who acts like a 5 year old? "La la la la" (fingers in the ears) "i can't hear you"




SHUT UP! Men everywhere cringe and die a little inside when their Queen Bee opens her mouth like a foghorn in public. And trust me this is likely to happen not in the privacy of your own home, oh no, this is likely to take place in public for maximum drama.

It is especially damning when she does this loud mouth, gaping fog horn act in company of her drones who all join in to torture you with high pitched shrill screaming. This is humiliating , this is 100 times more humiliating when other men see you being "reprimanded" by a bunch of screaming hags. Congratulations you are now a doormat.


On explaining your feelings or point of view , this kind of woman will tell you to, “Shut up!”. Queen Bees can not handle the truth, and will go to great lengths to deny and squash it.

If you get out of this relationship now , never again will you have to hear the two words that make your balls want to jump back up inside your body "Shut Up"




Tactics

Your "other half" uses other tactics on challenging her such as walking out of the room when you're talking, giving the silent treatment or slamming objects down and stomping around the house. In both cases, this is the childlike version of, “La, la, la, la, la, I can’t hear you!

She believes that if she ignores you or stops you from speaking the truth that it doesn’t exist, pretty much like a small child who closes their eyes to “make you go away.” You'll probably end up deaf (thank god) or wearing earplugs for the entirety of your relationship.


* Seeing Things Her Way This is another defense mechanism. Queen Bees see people and the world in good & evil, black & White terms. There are NO grey areas or "inbetweens" You are either right or wrong, and trust me, with this queen bee, you are ALWAYS wrong until told otherwise.

See things her way or you will be stomped into the ground by her over priced designer boot heels. You can’t agree to disagree with this walking nightmare. Any differences of opinions, criticisms or challenges to her authority is seen as an act of war , and who do you think is going to get shot first?




With-holding Sex

Yes boys, those excuses the Queen Bees give : "I'm just tired/have a headache/not in the mood/have my period" excuses are just that.."excuses' it's called with-holding and it's designed to make you wait until "She's ready" , "have bought her that engagement ring" or to "Punish You" . She makes you wait days/weeks/months and in extreme cases of Queen Bitch Syndrome "years"

why?.....

......Because she knows the one thing you cannot handle is either : "Going without sex" or "Rejection"

During this period of torture, the Queen Bee will dress provocatively to get you hot, she will tease you & entice you to the point of near explosion, and then put on her sweatpants and clean, leaving you laying there naked, exposed and wondering what you did wrong.

Getting you excited then turning you down is REJECTION plain and simple. she knows it, you know it and it will continue until you finally submit/apologize/buy gifts/appease/marry her or run for the hills.


The final torturous act of this Queen Bitch is to get you hot for her , reject you and then chastise and punish you further for "Taking care of your own business"

That's right, you won't even be able to spank the monkey without incurring more wrath. She can then accuse you of


- "Not being patient"

- "thinking of someone else" or

- "you don't want to have sex with me anymore do you?", "You're not attracted to me anymore" , "You have a sexual addiction" , "You have been sleeping with someone else"



Don't forget , she WILL eventually cheat on you if she hasn't already. When the Queen Bee dumps her "Prince" ie: "YOU" she will already have a guy lined up to take your place or she will be humping him within minutes of dumping you. In comparison to her, Bullets have left guns slower.


It is a far far better thing to live alone , taking care of your own business, than to have your self esteem crushed and obliterated by a contentious woman.




When Your Penis Is The Subject Of Ridicule


Yes even "Junior" is subject to punishment and ridicule.

"Penis Size" jokes. Do not be fooled into believing her statements of "It's just a joke/you can't take a joke/"It doesn't happen to every guy maybe something is wrong with you/it".

She means to hurt you and crush your confidence. Mostly these so called "jokes" occur during "TV Time" when you're both cuddled up together watching a movie or reality tv show. Ever heard this one? :

"Wow he's good looking" "Look at that package move when he runs!" "I am so glad you don't have his muscles/girth/stamina" "I like guys with small ones"

This is NOT a joke, or a warped sense of humour, this is soul crushing humiliation designed to make you feel as if you're just not good enough.

Listen: Strong, loving, kind, psychologically well women do NOT ridicule you. The woman who loves you will NEVER hurt you or focus on anything but how to please you and how happy she is being with you. Size is not and should never be an issue, end of.








Staying With The Queen Bee Until "The One" Comes Along

I know you thought women didn't know about this one, but some of us do. The majority of women out there however still believe it's a myth or choose to ignore it. (it's ok boys you can breathe a sigh of relief now. Phew! close one!)

Now I know why you're staying with the crazy making High Maintenance Queen Bee, you are biding your time or riding out the loneliness until you find "The One". and by "The One" I mean: "That amazing, sexy, beautiful woman you want to spend your life with" you know, "The Sane One"


For those men I suggest you read on, because while you are waiting for 'Miss Right" , the Queen Bee has some very devious tricks up her sleeve to keep you with her for life! that's right "The.Rest.Of.Your.Life. , even after a break up, you'll never really be free if her bag of tricks are put into action.





Attempting Closure With A Queen Bee


Attempting to obtain closure with a Queen Bee is like walking into a war zone You will never get closure. NEVER. She doesn't have empathy, sanity and if you are thinking she lives in the land of "Reality" you are sorely mistaken!



But I Miss The Sex

Yes I heard you.....

.....The sex is always explosive in the beginning. It is intense , passionate , mind blowingly fantastic, but deceptive.

Her intense passion is pathological in nature. This is called "Bedroom Domination" and men fall for it all the time.

Sex to her is about control, and placing you in the submissive.

You're at best to her , a human vibrator.

And if you're "Not in the mood" she will take that to mean "You're not attracted to me anymore, drama drama. or "You don't love me" , "Im not sexy enough anymore am I?" "Maybe we should break up" sob sob. "Ill go flirt with your best friend, that'll make you want me" (This is the opposite of "With-holding Sex' they are both designed to make your life difficult.)


True intimacy does not exist in this relationship, all she wants is to be admired, placed on a pedestal and be the one left wearing the pants. It's all about control and admiration.

You won't ever feel any emotional connection with her, sex is on her timetable, if and when she needs it. There is no regard to what you want and God forbid if you are ever caught "spanking the monkey" or looking at other women, this is a punishable offense, which will be taken as "You aren't attracted to me/don't love me/don't want me" blah blah

She constantly needs to be "Validated" , devotion is key! if you're not ready to drop everything and perform , get ready to deal with the consequences.


Nothing is ever enough for this Queen Bee. You can never "do enough" to please her due to the constantly shifting rules, demands and requirements. Don't expect to get rewarded with sex unless you walk through the door after work with gifts.

Sex becomes a chore for this woman as time goes by. An obligation or a “favour” she has to fulfill. It is a transaction. Sex for admiration/gifts. etc.

Ever notice when you buy her gifts she gets all hot and jumps your bones afterwards? kind of like a transaction don't you think? notice how she doesn't do that when you bring her a Mcdonalds , make her a cup of tea or put the toilet seat down like you were told to do.


There’s always an agenda, even if it’s to keep you under her control / in the relationship. “You owe me big time because I had sex with you. "I did my duty , now it's your turn."


And yes guys this happens with your sperm too . Some Queen Bees, the really manipulative ones will "Accidently On Purpose" forget to take their morning after pill, or "Accidently On Purpose" poke holes in the condom packaging with a needle. Oh yes guys that's right, the really repulsive Queen Bee will "Accidently On Bloody Purpose" get pregnant so you stay with her, so she can control you and tie you down with a big fat child support rope.

Do you really want to be "that guy"?


Bottom line is: you’re either a "transaction coupon" a human vibrator, or a magic mirror "mirror, mirror on the wall , who is the most beautiful of all"



If you really do feel you are not giving 100% in your relationship, your time, love, attention, then maybe you're just "Not That Into Her" whether she's a Queen Bee or Sane, the same applies.

I read a great book that simplified men for me. (sorry guys I needed a book) Every girl should read it. The book states: If a guy is "Into a girl" (By girl, I mean a sane one) he will ask her out, he will do whatever he can to get close to her, talk to her, be with her, he will never be too busy to call her or spend time with her. And girls if a guy is really into you, you won't need to stare at the phone and will it to ring, he will call you. Guys like chasing girls, they feel they have achieved a great prize when they get the girl of their dreams. They don't want you chasing them or throwing yourself at them. Men will say anything, except the words that will incur your wrath and offend you..... "I'm.Just.Not.That.Into.You"..... so wait for him to call!


When you feel those urges boys , and make the effort , that tells us gals that a guy is "Really into me" if you don't , the message we get is: "He's just not that into you"


There are women out there like me, who would pull off their right arm to have a kind hearted, loving man, but all the damn good ones seem to be already taken by , yes you guessed it: "The Queen Bees" who take guys like you, rip their hearts out, and girls like me end up paying for it.

So ditch the bitch and go find a woman who meets all your needs for an adult, loving, equal relationship.










For Us Girls : What's The Problem?

Why do some women always see others as competition? You know the type, the ones that immediately give you the onceover when you meet them for the first time or passing them on the street. You can almost read the questions running through their minds: "Does she have a better figure than me? Is she more successful?"

Why do they do it? Why do some women feel the need to prove themselves slimmer, smarter, more attractive or successful than others?





Unwarranted Self Importance

Ever seen those girls, you know the ones I mean, the women who on passing you will hold their heads up high, strut and look down their nose at you with a devious smirk whilst flicking their hair. "Oh that's just confidence" you say, "A woman secure in her own skin" I say "no it isn't" , she is marking her territory: "Look at me, Look at me, I am the better looking, thinnest, sexiest Queen Bee" strut. Here is a picture to help you visualize.








This is designed to make you feel like crap and it works. (Unless of course you're like me: who walks with her head down watching the pavement in case of "Tripping over, falling on her ass" Blonde Moments.)


This is what is known as arrogance, not confidence. What looks like an air of authority and security is really a low self esteem issue. Queen Bees whether friends with other Queen Bees or not are loathe to admit they have no confidence, or have low self esteem,

It's one thing to have a healthy self-esteem, but it's quite another to have such an inflated sense of "Unwarranted Self Importance" that other people's feelings, beliefs, and thoughts have no relevance

Lots of Queen Bees do it, even their uneducated worker bees do it.





When Your Best Friend Might Be A Queen Bee

It's a sad thing when you have to question the motives of someone you have thought of as a friend, especially if you've known then for a long time. But the sad fact is sometimes those we think of as friends don't always have our best interests at heart. Real friends truly want the best for you and are happy to see you succeed. If someone is sullen and resentful when you lose weight or finally get that high-paying job, then perhaps it's time to cut them loose.

If you have ever seen a Queen Bee with honey dripping from her lips one moment then turn into a hissing , spitting viper the next you will truly understand the meaning of the word "Repulsive" . She is a Cruella De Ville (Cruel Devil) in every sense of the word.





Queen Mothering Bees

I see Queen Bees every morning and afternoon when I do the school run. There are cliques of mothers (Queen Mothering Bees) standing outside the school, chatting, flirting with other womens husbands and gossiping. When they are not doing that , they are judging other mums on their appearance, focusing especially on their weight or their marriage status.

They are bitchy & cruel , dirty looks are thrown faster than the speed of light. Snide remarks bounce off their lips and land onto some poor unsuspecting soul. These are 30-40 year old mothers! with children in Middle school, you would expect them to set the example, but unfortunately they don't and I am sad to say the children end up imitating their "Mothering Bees". Pinching, hitting , bullying and teasing other children are a frequent occurrence. Not to mention the stream of profanity that drips from their lips, just like mummy.

The children of Queen Mothering Bees are truly the ultimate victims, the one's who can't fight back , have no strong adult with good morals to look up to. They are not educated or too young to be educated. Their only template in life is a "Queen Mothering Bee" on which they will base their own future behaviour upon. These are the victims my heart truly breaks for.


Competition: This plays an integral part in the machinations for the accomplishment of "Who Is The Best Of The Best Of The Best?" IE: Who is married?, who is going to have another baby?, who has the best car?, pushchair?, family pet?, husband?, children? etc

I have even seen the female school teachers in "Queen Bee Competition Mode" and male teachers dripping in the "Alpha Male Stance Of Pure Arrogance" but again this is just 'Unwarranted Self Importance"


As for myself? I stand with 3 or 4 of my closest friends and we discuss life, we laugh, plan dates for coffee mornings, nights out and getting the children together for days out. We have no time for the Queen Bees of Parenthood.

Yes there are adult Queen Bees, and yes they will often bitch about their worker bees behind their backs or play their friends off against each other for their own amusement, it still goes on, whether it's "Teen Queen Bees" or "Adult Queen Bees' the cycle continues. Don't be naive into thinking you will escape being a target.



But What If I Envy The Way Other Women Look?

We can all be envious of others, hate our own bodies, looks and personality, it doesn't instantly mean you're a Queen Bee , a bitch or a repulsive human being.

I am envious sometimes of other women, there I admit it, I think every female is to some extent (Except the Queen Bees of course ;) ) I do harbor some low self esteem but I don't use that as an excuse to put others down. Low self esteem should never be used as an excuse to abuse others, to ridicule them or bully them. Having low self esteem is my problem not theirs and it is a work in progress that is being remedied.

Whenever you find yourself envying other girls, just pay them a compliment in your head (not out loud unless you know her, don't want to embarrass the poor girl) such as "She's got gorgeous hair" "What nice skin", "I love her boots" ......I guarantee it will make you feel better than thinking badly of her. You never know she might just be thinking the same thing about you when she passes you in the street!.


"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world". ~Lois Wyse


-PND

Cyberpath Gareth Edward Rodger

'Gareth's' victim sent us some chat transcripts and snippets about him which we are including here. If you meet this person online - run like heck. Our comments, as always, are in orange - Fighter





Gareth playing Around With A Male Friend (As I Was Told) Or Does He Have Bisexual Tendancies?











Original Article



CHAT

GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out

VICTIM: big gay out?

GARETH; http://www.biggayout.com
lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)

VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?

GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)

VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!

GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes

VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!

GARETH : Where?

VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe

GARETH: exactly (dummy)

GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.

VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?

GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)

VICTIM: Okies

GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"

VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands
yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.

GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)

CHAT

VICTIM: You there?

GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain
eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)

VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.

GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)

VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?

GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)

VICTIM: no , only you

CHAT

VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today

GARETH: no...you always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)

VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)

VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.

GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)

Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:

GARETH: im looking for a new nickname

VICTIM: Why?

GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)

VICTIM: yup

GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)

VICTIM: good idea

GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth

ME: hehe its you and its your name

GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me

VICTIM: yup loads of results

GARETH: good idea but its taken alot

VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth

GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us

VICTIM: yes it does

GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)

VICTIM: me either

GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it

VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)

GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)

VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer

GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold

VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay

GARETH: ok good

VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach

GARETH: :)

VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)

GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)


Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.

GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end

VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends

GARETH: xxxxxxxxxxxx

GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back

GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)

GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll

VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)

GARETH: yup

GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)

VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card

GARETH: im not saying you ....no point spending on it apart from phone im saying us
in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)

VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins

GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes

VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not

GARETH: no go on

VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?

GARETH: not sure

VICTIM: Everything ok?

GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)

VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything

GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)


More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting.
(He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")

GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.

VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)

GARETH: :)

GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)

30 mins later

VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.

GARETH: heya

GARETH: back

GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.

NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)

VICTIM: I have a video for you I made

VICTIM: thankyou

GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)

VICTIM: your welcome

VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something

GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)

VICTIM: no

GARETH: sorry carry on

VICTIM: Its in the mail

GARETH: checking now

GARETH: aww thanks

GARETH: means a lot

VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way

GARETH: it does

GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)

She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic

VICTIM: have i blown things with you

GARETH: i dunno

VICTIM: ok i understand

GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)

VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)

GARETH: yep (words... only words)

VICTIM: ok :)

GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)

ARGUMENT

I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)

GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)

VICTIM:: No im not

GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)

GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)

VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)

GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)

VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)

GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)

VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)

GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)

GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning

VICTIM: ill go look now

GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning

GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed

GARETH: darling?

GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)

VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish

GARETH: no your not

VICTIM: yes I am

GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)

VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,

GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)

VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!

GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)

VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait

GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)

VICTIM: fine ill wait

GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)

VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"

GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for life...now you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo

GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)

VICTIM: i know that now

GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it

VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)

GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude

VICTIM: no im not

VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always

GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)

VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)

GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)

VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone

GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)

VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!

GARETH: yet (sadist)

VICTIM: im waiting for you

GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)

VICTIM: gods sake

GARETH: not all things are reversible

VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)

GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)

VICTIM: for goodness sakes

GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)

VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset

GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)

VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)

GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait

GARETH: very mature

VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways

GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood

VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine

GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.

(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)

GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now

(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)









COMING TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP

I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.

I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)

His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.

He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)

Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)

Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)

If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)

I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)

When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)

Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)

I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)

He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)

Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)

Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)

He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)

One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)

Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)

We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)

When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.

READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter

Accepting The Psychopaths Blame To Preserve The Relationship.

Here’s a theme I think we can relate to: Your partner (a male in this example, strictly for convenience’s sake)—a narcissist, or perhaps sociopath—blames you for his misery, bad moods, bad decisions, frustrations, dissatisfactions, disappointments and underfulfillment.

From his perspective, if he cheats on you—or deceives and betrays you—you will have deserved it, because you will have been responsible for the discontent that necessitated his violating behaviors.



Geez how many times do I remember Gareth saying the following and doing the blame shifting game? so many I lost count


-"I won't ever have a savings accounts living with you"

- "It's your fault if you can't live on £40 a week for 4 people, you don't shop smartly enough"

- "If you loved me you would do this/that"

- "I can't go on any holidays if you do this/that"

- "If you can't do this/that I won't be happy"

- "I thought you wanted me to be happy?"


etc etc



As someone once put it to me:


"First of all, you know this guy is a real sicko. (Gareth) Seriously, he is creepy enough to be in a Halloween movie so you know anything that comes from him is not going to be good. Because of his pathology, he does not think he has done anything wrong. In his mind, he has put all the blame on you and sees your blog and exposure of him as unjust. Just remember, XXXXXX, they are ALL this way. As EOPC reminds us--every last one of them is exactly the same!! So you are not experiencing anything out of the ordinary when it comes to these psychopaths."


I just wish I had realized his pathology at the time of our relationship



Remember he feels entitled to have what he wants; he deserves what he wants, when he wants it; and if he’s frustrated, it must be someone’s fault.

Someone must be blamed, and you, his partner, will be his odds-on choice to own his blame.

It’s amazing how often we accept, against our better instincts, the narcissistic/sociopathic partner’s insistence that we are responsible for his infinite emptiness.

We do so for many reasons, but the one I’d like to stress is this: If we don’t accept this responsibility, his blame, we seriously risk losing the relationship.

Ongoing relationships with abusive, contemptuous partners require just this kind of Faustian contract: To preserve the relationship, however desecrated it is, I will accept your blame. For the sake of not yet losing this relationship, I will continue to entertain, if not own, your constant assertion that there is something in me—something deficient and insufficient—that explains your mistreatment and disrespect of me.

To say it somewhat differently, so long as we’re not yet ready to jettison a destructive relationship, a narrative must be constructed to explain our decision to stay. The narrative, as I suggest, often goes something like this: I am to blame—I —for my partner’s debasing attitudes and behaviors. I must be to blame, otherwise I’d leave.

The narrative is rational, but false. It’s a false narrative (in the back of our minds, we may sense its falseness), but it’s the only narrative under the circumstances that can explain, and seemingly justify, our continued tolerance of our partner’s nonsense.

A couple I spent some time with recently (clinically) illustrated this point well. The husband, Harold, was one of the most transparent narcissistic personalities I’ve ever seen. He’d recently ended an affair with a colleague (justifying the affair as a function of his right to pursue the fulfillment his spouse, Julia, wasn’t supplying).

Interestingly, about eight weeks into their courtship, Harold began offering up undisguised, alarming displays of his narcissism in general and narcissistic rage specifically. Julia was highly disturbed by each of these displays. All left her thinking, “This isn’t right. I should end this thing now, before I get deeper in. He shouldn’t be treating me like this. I shouldn’t be tolerating this.” But while recognizing these alarming warnings, she was already too deeply invested in her vision of the relationship—and Harold—to end it.

A dozen years later, not much has changed. Julia has a beautiful child and, in Harold, a spouse who’s conformed entirely to his early, advanced billing—he is demanding, often hostile and passive-aggressive, easily and constantly disappointed, blaming (of her) for the emptiness that leaves him constantly wanting, and prone to secretiveness.

Julia caters to his moods and demands in order to avoid eliciting the ugliest manifestations of his hostility (whose emergence threatens everpresently to scare and traumatize her).

But it’s no secret how Julia, with her high intelligence and striking emotional maturity, continues to justify her decision to endure what’s been Harold’s 12-year assault on her emotional safety and dignity.

She has owned the blame for his discontent, disappointments, and acting-out.

Just as soon as she’s ready to disown this falsely ascribed (and tacitly accepted) responsibility, she’ll find herself without a reason to accept the conditions of—and indignities associated with—Harold’s personality disorder.

At that point, the leverage will be hers—Harold will either have to shape up (unlikely), or she’ll be genuinely prepared to ship him out.

Link

More On Cold-Hearted Cyberpath: "Gareth" *Updated*

'Gareth's' victim sent us some chat transcripts and snippets about him which we are including here. If you meet this person online - run like heck. Our comments, as always, are in orange - Fighter





Gareth playing Around With A Male Friend (As I Was Told) Or Does He Have Bisexual Tendancies?









Original Article



CHAT

GARETH; dunno whether its worth getting tickets to the big gay out

VICTIM: big gay out?

GARETH; http://www.biggayout.com
lots of gay people but baby shambles, bananarama, friankie goest o holly wood, human league,, electric six and loads more are playing (now why would he just DROP that into a chat with someone he 'loves' if not for the SHOCK VALUE? Sometimes cyberpaths drop hints about their true nature. Bisexual maybe?)

VICTIM: ahh do ya wanna go then? Just to see the bands play?

GARETH: dunno loads of half naked guys i wont be looking but you might (baiting her)

VICTIM: umm i wouldnt be looking at all!!!! besides they are gay!

GARETH: but youd end up staring at muscley half naked blokes

VICTIM:: Got my own sexy man thank you!

GARETH : Where?

VICTIM: hes talking to me on ichat right now duh... YOU! hehe

GARETH: exactly (dummy)

GARETH: theres alot of gay bands too i only want to see 4 or 5 of em.

VICTIM: wanna do that as "we" not "i"? lol you trying to tell me something babe?

GARETH: same thing (no it's not - his victim got it right. The use of "I" is telling and narcissistic)

VICTIM: Okies

GARETH: yes i mean we, but i meant "I hope I goto one of them oneday"

VICTIM: we can travel if you want, stay overnight id love to go see bands
yeah theres no reason you wont be able to go, just because I have the children.

GARETH: i know we'll see maybe next year (he's thinking about one person: GARETH!)

CHAT

VICTIM: You there?

GARETH: yea sorry window doesnt flash to tell me I have a new message. its a pain
eveythings ok, gunna finish off packing in a min nearly done (he was probably talking to someone else or watching porn)

VICTIM: sorry just didnt want you to think i was buggin ya, yeah this ichat is a pain in the ass, just checking you had a rest today cause its a hot day and stuff.

GARETH: so what are you upto? (changes the subject quickly!)

VICTIM: Not much just watching a vid, you?

GARETH: Packing still, you chatting to anyone else? (PROJECTION! and baiting!)

VICTIM: no , only you

CHAT

VICTIM: You dont seem like you wanna talk much today

GARETH: no...you always think i dont want to speak to you if im quiet, or if my phones off, Optimism, positivity (he means, believe my B.S. or else)

VICTIM: no not at all darling , i am being optimistic just sometimes you do sound a little offish i am being positive (he is being offish - he's a sociopathic predator)

VICTIM: i said last night i was feeling positive and i trust what you say im not worrying just merely wondering.

GARETH: Ok (putting her on the defensive!)

Gareth on the Victim chatting with her actual REAL LIFE friends:

GARETH: im looking for a new nickname

VICTIM: Why?

GARETH: get away from old ways (get away from all the people I have crapped on and abused)

VICTIM: yup

GARETH: stopped being found so easily (see above - looking to hide)

VICTIM: good idea

GARETH: best one i could think of is Gareth

ME: hehe its you and its your name

GARETH: heh type that in on google try find me

VICTIM: yup loads of results

GARETH: good idea but its taken alot

VICTIM: getting out of old ways is a good idea Gareth

GARETH: yep it is .......goes for both of us

VICTIM: yes it does

GARETH: i agree, so far i havent slipped back to all the chat groups im not going back to my old ways at all (sure you aren't - you're just looking for a new cover - they all do)

VICTIM: me either

GARETH : i know but you keep gong back to the old chat groups and people, you should dump it forget about it and leave it

VICTIM: im not going back to it Gareth (yeah you would probably meet someone like HIM again - predators LIVE online)

GARETH: i know your not, but you do (putting her on the defensive AND trying to continue ISOLATING her from her friends! Typical abuser ploy)

VICTIM: i havent got any of those chat things on this computer

GARETH: i know but ypou see what i mean, move on from it for good not put it on hold

VICTIM: havent put it on hold its in the bin and thats where i want it to stay

GARETH: ok good

VICTIM: i am looking forward to you coming home and for us to have that perfectness here that was present last time you were here im focusing on that its a goal i want to reach

GARETH: :)

VICTIM: but I will keep on saying sorry until im actually forgiven (she's not the one who should be asking forgiveness but abusers LOVE to put their victims in this position!)

GARETH: you are forgiven .. i was just saying you keep going back there thats something that needs to change (no because you 2 haven't talked it out and you haven't been candid with her. You just don't "GET OVER" some things - unless you're pathological and no one means anything to you.)


Like all pathological personalities, Gareth believes he knows more than anyone.

GARETH: im checking credit cards as the phone i want and the deal is a special offer and im hoping it wont end

VICTIM: itd be good if you could get it before it ends

GARETH: xxxxxxxxxxxx

GARETH: heh the funny thing was i knew more than the salesman i wass like wheres the menu then, he said there wasnt one, so i stuck my hand out and he handed it to me, went through everything found it was bottom left button heh handed it back

GARETH: hehe i sold the fone to myself (glory-hunting, aggrandizement - blatant narcissism)

GARETH: heh he also said i can walk around house while on call with bluetooth headset, the phone can be downstairs and i can be upstairs, i said not a chance bluetooth cant and isnt made to go through even a walll

VICTIM: hehe so he was trying to sell on basis of lying to someone he thought didnt know about that technology (probably just trying to do his job)

GARETH: yup

GARETH: i know theres no need to ask, but when i get this card i really dont want anything debited from it other than the phone (puts her on the defensive AGAIN)

VICTIM: your right but theres no need to ask as i dont need to use your card

GARETH: im not saying you ....no point spending on it apart from phone im saying us
in general (no you weren't - you were blame-shifting to her!)

VICTIM: so about that fone call? any chance i can have one later, sorry to push you but i like talking to you even if it is just for 5 mins

GARETH: we can have a nice long call after yes

VICTIM: i was going to ask something then thought not

GARETH: no go on

VICTIM: Hmm I don't want to be insensitive as your not feeling too good right now and I should find out on my own, I was going to ask what animation program they made XXXXX in?

GARETH: not sure

VICTIM: Everything ok?

GARETH: sorry I drifted off (because you're not important, so many other lives to screw up, people to prey on)

VICTIM: have I annoyed you? if so , sorry I shouldn't of said anything

GARETH: You haven't annoyed me, Im just thinking about tomorrow, our living together, dreading thinking whatever. (dreading having to commit to you for most than just sex)


More Gareth Putting His Victim on the Defensive & Projecting.
(He acts jealous to keep her on a string - hoping it makes him appear "caring & interested")

GARETH: you on any chat networks?, Im going to have a quick wash, go get a sandwich and drink and open more windows.

VICTIM: No im watching XXXX again im not on any chat networks dont want anything to do with them (how many times does she have to tell him that?)

GARETH: :)

GARETH: well done (yes, you have now isolated her from anyone who might show her you're a predator, a cold snake and a user)

30 mins later

VICTIM: thankyou so much for the phone call it was nice to hear your voice, If you need any support and help, i know its hard but I will help you anyway i can when you come through the door, ill make sure you get loads of hugs, and anything else you need.

GARETH: heya

GARETH: back

GARETH: I need to reboot, theres an update for a program on my computer I need to install.

NO mention whatsoever of what she said. Gareth totally ignored it. (a version of the 'silent treatment') So she made a video for him to see if she could maybe fix the situation as he'd made her feel she did something wrong (predators always make you think YOU did something wrong) -- this was maybe the 100th time she did this and he would normally treat me better after I had gone out of my way to make him happy. (if he "loved" her why would she have to jump through hoops to make him happy? Readers - ALL of our predators did this to their prey. ALL of them)

VICTIM: I have a video for you I made

VICTIM: thankyou

GARETH: grrr sexy thing (ASSUMING its a sex video - as that's all he really wants from her!)

VICTIM: your welcome

VICTIM: I have thought about something and want you to have something

GARETH: let me guess.... more asking me what train im going to get and what time. already told you I dont know yet. (why? If you love her you'd have made those plans by now...)

VICTIM: no

GARETH: sorry carry on

VICTIM: Its in the mail

GARETH: checking now

GARETH: aww thanks

GARETH: means a lot

VICTIM: when I said "patiently" i really meant that , train times are not an issue to me. you are! I hope that helps you in some way

GARETH: it does

GARETH: okies im lying down feel really tired and worn out you there? (heh - there she goes - calling him on his cold-heartedness and wanting some assurance and affection from him. Notice the HUGE emotional disconnect on Gareth's part. Sociopathic)

She heard nothing from him until the next afternoon, not sure when he was coming home, what train he was getting -- nothing. Everytime she asked him what time his train was he got angry at me. He probably did this on purpose knowing she'd get frustrated the more he held back. (Or he simply didn't care. at all. It's called WITHHOLDING and its yet another abuse tactic

VICTIM: have i blown things with you

GARETH: i dunno

VICTIM: ok i understand

GARETH: things dont always sort themselves out (...with a sociopath)

VICTIM: no they dont, but im trying to sort things out my end, to stop giving you a hard time but the thought is ....are you still going to fight for us ? as iam hon (no he's not - his ACTIONS not his words will say everything)

GARETH: yep (words... only words)

VICTIM: ok :)

GARETH: brb my sisters looking at my film list (no surprise - he runs away from TRUE EMOTIONS AGAIN!!)

ARGUMENT

I was getting tired and confused over why he said one thing yet did the opposite. (because he's a sociopath) One minute he would be be consistent, the next minute he had changed his mind. (sociopath) So I tried to break it off and end the relationship; he had kept me waiting for over 6 weeks due to promise after promise being broken. He'd dumped me so many times already as it was, I didn't see anything wrong in asking him to stick to at least 1 promise. (no but with a sociopath/ narcissist they have HUGE problems with accountability AND reality. They never stick to anything unless there's something in it FOR THEM)

GARETH: You just broke up with me, and i know you are back to your old self (Again putting HER on the defensive when he should be held ACCOUNTABLE)

VICTIM:: No im not

GARETH: the one i couldnt love, i loved the real you, youve changed back (it's HER fault? These guys can only 'love' one thing - THEMSELVES!! They are INCAPABLE of love)

GARETH: should i tell my dad to give it two weeks before bringing all my stuff down, i dont think you are the same Stacie, how do i know you wont leave me when i get there, should we give it a two week tester? (he probably didn't want to come down anyway - now, typical predator - he's making it all her fault. PROJECTION)

VICTIM: how do I know that you won't leave me, you have done it so many times (he will)

GARETH: if you were your old self, the loving one, it'd be fine (the one who swallowed all my BS, believed all my lies & didn't hold me accountable that is)

VICTIM: i am the same, i just cant keep going on the same way, i cant keep hoping, and praying and dreaming things are going to be the same way when i know they aren't , you get my hopes up then they you dash them. (sound familiar, readers? She hasn't realized yet he's a predator. A snark. A shark. He kills and leaves. No empathy, no remorse)

GARETH: your not the same to me (because she's starting to question your BS?)

VICTIM: im the same as i was before (just smarter & more aware something's wrong)

GARETH: I dearly hope you are, I trust you and will take your word for it. (no he won't - because he doesn't care)

GARETH: ive emailed you some questions, could you answer them for me by tonight or tommorow morning

VICTIM: ill go look now

GARETH: i think id like you to answer them now, and then again in the morning

GARETH: tell me when you are next to the laptop and in bed

GARETH: darling?

GARETH: tell me when youre here darl, in fact if you get into bed and turn on skype ill whack off for you, and show you anything my a** to my **** to licking my own ***, if you get into bed, and turn skype on. (all about SEX!! she's asking for some REAL answers about their relationships and his way of "CONFIRMING" his feelings is cybersex? Predator. ICK)

VICTIM: Im here, im sorry i was so selfish

GARETH: no your not

VICTIM: yes I am

GARETH: if you loved me and saw a future youd wait till wednesday and help me through it (oh god he's NAUSEATING!)

VICTIM: im so sorry, im such a selfish person, i know it, i cant apologise enough,

GARETH: two days, couldnt wait two days that says something (putting her on the defensive after all HE had put her through by then!!)

VICTIM: its been 6 weeks!

GARETH: now ive seen you like this, so nasty again (unreal aren't they? When you see it from a distance. How dare he continue his projection.)

VICTIM: Im not nasty , I did wait

GARETH: yes you are. (Gareth just 'shut up' -- how much more cruel can you be?)

VICTIM: fine ill wait

GARETH: well you made it *applause* you left the guy that wants to spend his life with you regardless of everything else (oh spare us Gareth. As if that was the truth)

VICTIM: my dad said to me tonight "if you dont make a decision, youll be left always wondering"

GARETH: heh yes now you will always be wondering.. whether i would of came back and if we would of stayed together for life...now you will wonder as you left me before i could get to yo

GARETH: im not giving in to selfish demands such as: leave tommorow (he wants her to give in to only HIS selfish demands)

VICTIM: i know that now

GARETH: well i know what would of happened and im trying to comprehend my future without you and i hate it

VICTIM: ive been selfish! but i cant keep on doing this (you aren't selfish - you're getting smart to this emotional rapist)

GARETH: but you made the choice, and you are back to your old nasty selfish attitude

VICTIM: no im not

VICTIM: Im sitting here waiting for you as always

GARETH: no you broke up with me (boo hoo... Martyr Man)

VICTIM: can you blame me? im always waiting, i cant do it anymore. im so confused I dont know what to do anymore (typical feelings with a predator - and he will find a way to blame her.)

GARETH: no you left me nothing to be confused about anymore you can go back to chatting to people in chat rooms and while away the hours (AGAIN he brings this up!)

VICTIM: Im not chatting to anyone

GARETH: yet, wait two days or bugger off back to the internet, it shows whats more important and your attitude (Projection - he's probably already chatting up other people and has been right along)

VICTIM: im not chatting to guys!!!

GARETH: yet (sadist)

VICTIM: im waiting for you

GARETH: No your not you left me (how old is this guy? 7 years old?)

VICTIM: gods sake

GARETH: not all things are reversible

VICTIM: I left you because I cant take it anymore, the mixed signals. the getting angry at me for no reason, the not speaking to me and broken promises. (victims always think they can talk sense to these guys - before they realize they're PATHOLOGICAL & SICK!)

GARETH: Exactly so theres no more waiting (NO ACCOUNTABILITY FOR WHAT SHE JUST SAID!)

VICTIM: for goodness sakes

GARETH: you wont listen, your back to your old self (heh - listen to WHAT? his selfish b.s.?)

VICTIM: no, im not, you just think i am, im upset

GARETH: no I know you XXXXX you used to be much more mature and nice wanting to talk at night on skype (and believing my lies)

VICTIM: i am mature (more than him, that's for sure)

GARETH: chuck it all away for the sake of another 2 days wait

GARETH: very mature

VICTIM: im sick of going around in circles, im sure others can tell you im not back to my old ways

GARETH: they may, but at least before you were different towards me, you understood

VICTIM: I dont want to argue you made your choice i made mine

GARETH: my choice was to spend my life with you, your choice was not to give me the chance to do that, before youd of said 2 days no problems, cant wait to cuddle and sleep with you and walk with you and bath with you , now you leave.

(She ended up apologising and asking him for another chance, and then he told her:)

GARETH: we will have to sort all this out when I get back, we are not over but a lot has to be sorted now

(Don't you want to just SMACK Gareth? His mind games are so cruel & pathetic)









COMING TO THE END OF THE RELATIONSHIP

I spent the next year in stress Gareth would spend all his time in our bedroom and when his parents or boss would call him, he would send me out of the room and talk in secret, all his emails to his family would be secret and I was never allowed to see what the conversations were about. My children were not allowed to make any noise when he was on the phone or he would ignore me for the rest of the day and just be aloof on purpose.

I started to get rashes all over my body, I couldnt understand what it was, but I was covered head to foot in it, it was sore and itched constantly for 4 months, I went to the Doctor and he said it was Hives / allergy from stress I put all this "stress" down to losing the baby. (it was GARETH - toxic GARETH)

His "Silent Treatment" would go on for hours on end,and when I would get frustrated after the 4th hour of this, or angry he would tell me I was the crazy one for yelling at him and trying to get a rise out of him.

He never ate dinner with me and the children; instead sat in the bedroom and ate his dinner when I brought the plate up to him, after dinner he would continue working or playing "rainbow Six" or "Postal" or "Working" (hmm... wasn't he accusing HER of being ONLINE all the time? He was online because it was a 2-dimensional world and "real" people are just objects to these cyberpaths. Besides - these predators feel: why invest any more in something you can't control)

Whenever we went out it was always when the children were at my mothers, he usually slept cuddling me, but started to sleep turning to the wall and didnt want me to cuddle up to him. He said "Its because i always sleep like this" which wasnt true so that was the first sign he was starting to lose interest in me. (no it was the one behavior you finally saw - Sorry but he was NEVER interested in you; just in what he could "get" out of you - sex, affection, a place to live, food, etc)

Sex wasnt a problem whenever he wanted it -- he was loving but as soon as it was over he would get back on his computer and ignore me. (because that's all he wanted)

If I said anything whatever it was didn't matter, he would tell me "That's not what you said" I spent weeks and months thinking I was losing my memory or going nuts. (Gaslighting)

I remember sitting on the bed crying once, in deep pain over the loss of our baby and he stood over me staring blankly, all i wanted him to do was cuddle me and tell me everything was going to be ok, but instead he said "Im going out as this upsets me and i cannot stand the crying and loud noise, ill come back when you have calmed down" (narcissist)

When his boss used to come over to meet with him for a meeting he would shoo me and the children out the house and tell me to make sure the house was pristine before his boss arrived, then we had to get out the house and not come back until he phoned me. (WHAT? What a sick piece of dung he is)

Gareth always criticised me over laundry, smoking (he would hide my lighters in the freezer for some reason and blow them up outside by making a fire and making me watch) To him, his home town was amazing and living with me couldn't compare to it. I grew to feel so ashamed of my house (which is rather lovely) all because he would moan about the location and didn't like any of his work collegues or family to set foot in it. (Blame shifting, degrading)

I was so emotionally numb because during all this time he had left a few times and come back again and I needed reassurance so I asked sometimes "are you going to leave me" this was usually when he was silent or in a mood about something. I was so insecure at this point. I felt nothing was going to be consistent, no one was going to stay with me. I had lost two children already I needed some reassurance and stability. (Gareth knew that, knew she was vulnerable and worked her like a puppet)

He would go silent on me whenever i asked him things that had to do with us as a couple or our relationship. He wouldnt talk and kept his eyes on the computer, I got so frustrated because he would never telll me how he felt and would always "Sigh" or exhale loudly (abuser tactic - to belittle her & her needs)

Whenever we had guests such as my parents or friends over, he would stay in his room and not come down, he wouldnt even greet anyone. My family said it was really rude, but I tried to explain to them that it was because Gareth was shy and didn't like social gatherings. (No he was RUDE and a SOCIOPATH)

Gareth told me about the Milgram Experiment once, was totally besotted with it. I found out by looking through his files on the computer that he had hundreds of books on psychology , & the art of seduction and hypnosis, I would always ask him if he used it on me he told me he would never manipulate me that way, he used it on other people. (BINGO!)

He never got angry (no he was angry ALL the time it appears). Never hit me or showed rage (just verbal & emotional abuse) He was just silent, where he wouldnt speak at all and this really angered me after a while as he just wouldnt speak. Like talking to a brick wall. He knew I used to get so very frustrated by this, sometimes id see a smirk running across his face when he knew I was pushed into a corner. (that's SEVERE abuse - the silent treatment, withhold - its BLATANT ABUSE)

One thing I always noticed was Gareth never made eye contact with me. When your asking someone a question or talking in general you will get eye contact or they will look at your face. Its a natural thing for humans to do, but with Gareth he never made eye contact with me , not ever (TYPICAL SOCIOPATH TRAIT!! BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE OBJECTS TO THEM) I used to think "Oh thats just the way he is" but now I realise it is very disturbing and unnatural. (AND PATHOLOGICAL) He would always pick a spot and stare at it when I was talking to him. (tuning you out)

Sometimes I would wake up around 3am and on opening my eyes, would see his face over mine, staring down at me. I have no idea how long he spent doing that, but I found it uncomfortable. (Sociopaths do that a lot)

We got a dog after a few months and whenever he got home from work he would bypass me and go right to the dog and kiss and cuddle it. I would always have dinner ready on time and the house clean but he'd take his dinner and the dog to the bedroom and stay there petting it and kissing it and ignoring me all evening. If I would venture upstairs to spend time with him he would sit there and baby talk the dog. if I wanted some affection it would have to be on his terms or when he was playing a video game / doing work and wanted to show me something. (ABUSE - he was taunting you with a DOG!)

When I needed money to get the children some clothes I asked him for the money but he said he needed $500 for his parachute jumping. (BAD PRIORITIES!) If it wasn't for my mother the children would of gone without clothes.

READERS - thank GOODNESS she's no longer with this "person" (if you could even call him HUMAN!) Fighter