Coolest Guy Ever

Got this from a regular reader. He shall remain anonymous;
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There I was, teaching at the Univ. Of Kentucky on a one year teaching gig. When the weather got nice, they had an 'art gallery hop', I think it was the first Thursday of every month.

Anyway, I'm in this gallery when I see my favorite Hollywood actress - a really FAMOUS actress. Not that she's a great actress, but I mean the HOTTEST actress. I mosey up to her but pretend I don't know who she is.

We start talking small talk and I make her explain what she does and what movies she starred in. I've seen them all, but only acknowledge her bit part in a Star Trek episode. We drink wine, eat cheese, walk together from one gallery to the next. At the end of the evening, SHE asks me out to dinner the following night.

We exchange cell phone numbers and she gives me the address where she's staying. She suggests trying out a new Brazilian restaurant in town. I love Brazilian, so that's great.

The next evening I pick her up. She's dressed very casually but still HOT. She's waiting outside the gated community and she gets in the car before I can run around to get the door.

We get to the restaurant and I hold the door open for her. While we're sitting she gives me a lecture about how sexist holding a door for a woman is. I roll with it.

A Brazilian churrascaria is a barbecue meat place, but she is a vegetarian! So we have this awkward petty conversation while I try to eat as little meat as possible and she barely pretends not to be disgusted. Remember, she picked the restaurant.

By the end of dinner I'm exhausted by the empty conversation and her inability to grasp what I teach and do. The check comes and this MULTIMILLIONAIRE actress who scolded me for holding a door and invited ME to dinner doesn't reach for it and doesn't flinch to pay half.

I figure that a blow job in the parking lot is out of the question.

I take her home and even knowing not to expect a kiss, it's still awkward to say goodnight. Then SHE invites me to go horseback riding the next day, early. I've never been horse riding on anything larger than a pony, but I accept.

I stay up half the night wondering WTF happened. I Mapquest directions to the stables. Then I Google her and find out she's MARRIED to some race car driver. Definitely no blow job coming.

Next morning I wake up at 7:30 and I'm supposed to meet her at 8 and it's at least a 20 minute drive. There's no way I could shower, dress, and drive there in time.

I made the ultimate fold of a losing hand and STOOD HER UP. She never called me and I never called her.

That's my once in a lifetime story, but I still bow down to your dominatrix story.