27 Feb 09

Question Time With Brandon the Occult Killer

Dubbed the Occult Killer by the media, Brandon is serving 6 to 12 years in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania Department of Corrections. Brandon’s crime: he killed his best friend in a drunk-driving accident.

Chris H wrote:

Hola and greetings, I dunno man... "we had games of Sorry that ended in violence", "we threw our weight around"... Sounds like you were getting involved in some action that goes against your later comment of being done and not wanting to be a repeat offender. Why did you refuse the cell move order? Surely if you want to get parole you should be doing anything and everything you can to keep your nose clean. Is moving cells such a big deal?Brandon responded:

I guess I should know better than to think that sarcasm and subtle exaggeration can be conveyed by print alone. What my small crew and I did in county was more like “Jackass” pranks than beatings and stabbings indicative of incarcerated badasses. “Antiquing” guys beds with baby powder, overflowing toilets, and “upstate prep school for first timers,” which was basically Fight Club hosted in my cell. For jail (or damn near anywhere), it was harmless fun.

Now, I want you to do me a favor and reread that blog. This time, picture Dr. Evil’s monologue (note-which I probably don’t need to include, but it’s from the movie Austin Powers-Sue) about his childhood: “Summer in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we’d make meat helmets. When insolent, I was placed in a burlap sack and beaten with reeds, pretty standard…My father made outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. He accused chestnuts of being lazy…”—this is the tone I’m trying to set.

About the cell move, I was set up to take a fall. My cellie at the time was Magic Show, a guy I had met on I-block a few years ago. He was an alright dude, so I took him in when his old cellie was busted for running numbers and landed 45 in the Twist. That guy, Brian, is always messing with the cops and getting other inmates in trouble, generally breaking prisoner code and being an all-around bad money douchebag. I should have known he would come back and raise hell about getting Magic back as a cellie, and that’s what he did.

45 days later, I’m woken up by a call to the desk. The CO, one of Brian’s best buds, throws me some roundabout farce to the tune of “Brian’s bottom bunk status, would you mind giving up yours and moving out?”

He doesn’t issue a direct order, just kindly asks. I’m not giving up anything to the pile of shit, so I kindly respond “no thanks.” 15 mins later, I’m drinking coffee getting prepped for clothing exchange when I get called back to the desk. I’m then informed that the move I just agreed to is complete and I should pack. I was annoyed, now enraged, and begin to throw a fit. Why should I allow myself to be jerked by this asshole who doesn’t understand no? A phone call later, I’m being escorted to the box by a Lt. and 2 CO’s, one with a camcorder. All I can think of is the DOC policy “planned use of force will be video taped.”

More than anything, I was disappointed in Magic. I’d known him for a while, helped him into a cell, and he hung me out to dry. I don’t expect much, a simple objection like “he’s a good dude, don’t mess up his job” would have sufficed, something! What I should have done was eaten it and acquiesced to the move, then dropped a formal grievance on the CO. Afterwards, I would kindly ask him to expire in an auto accident on the drive home, i.e. ‘I hate you, die.’

It was a bad situation I mishandled, but it felt good to stand up to the cops and be in the right, regardless of being punished. Besides, it was only a class II infraction, which drops off after 6 months, not to mention my first offence. If my charge alone doesn’t hem up my parole, little else will.

Click here to read Brandon’s intro blog.

Click here to read more from Brandon at Prison Mom.

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Shaun P. Attwood