07 Dec 08

Visited by Shaun (by Andrea)

Andrea - A 28-year-old Scottish woman writing from a maximum-security prison in England. She suffered years of domestic violence, and was arrested for the attempted murder of her most recent boyfriend after he punched her in the face. She pled guilty to wounding, and is scheduled for release in 2010.


It’s been nearly one week since I met Shaun, but it feels like it was only yesterday. I feel like I met one of the most genuine men in my life.

I had only seen a few pictures of Shaun beforehand, but seeing him in person, well that was a different story. He looks so innocent, but we all know that looks can be deceiving (in a good way). I tried to piece him together in my mind, knowing what Shaun has done in the past and the way he is now, and I couldn’t manage it. It’s hard to believe how well he has changed his life around. It’s proof that you can really do it if you want to.

Shaun gave me advice to deal with my anger. That advice has been taken. If I can do what Shaun has achieved it will be worth going through anger management and domestic violence counselling. It’s not going to be easy, but with the help and support of Shaun I know I’m strong enough to do it.

In the two hours that we were together, there was a lot of laughing going on, and we talked through the whole time. It was a natural feeling.
We talked about various things, things about the both of us, which I thought was really nice. The funny thing for me was I was able to talk to him and not feel tense in any way. I don’t think that I could fault him during the visit.
I don’t know what Shaun’s views are of me, but I felt something between us, like there was some kind of connection. I’m not sure what, but there is something.

Shaun was open with me, and able to tell me that I have issues to deal with. He mentioned talking to a shrink, but I’ve done that, and I was told that my head is fine. Obviously, it’s not. If I was just being myself with Shaun, and he was able to point out a few things about me, what’s to stop anyone else from doing the same? I know Shaun knows now I won’t stop until my problems have been dealt with. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that Shaun has given me the kick up the arse that I was needing. So thank you, Shaun!

Anyway our visit was only for a short time. I wish it could have lasted a little longer as we did seem to have a good time together. I think that we clicked and there is chemistry between us.

At the end of the visit Shaun gave me a hug, and you know what? I didn’t want that to end!

One thing I do know for sure is that I would like to get to know Shaun better. He’s made me believe that I can come out of prison a better person. He’s made me believe that I can trust men again. For the first time in many years I was able to hold a guy in my arms and not feel scared. And that means the world to me.

Since returning back to prison reality, I’ve applied to see counsellors for anger, domestic violence, and also, the hardest for me, victims of rape. I’ve only really got one full year, so my aim is to give myself the best chance I possibly can. It’s not long. I know that I have it in me to do well, and I can’t let prison life get me down anymore. The way I see it is this is my last chance, and I won’t be doing it for anyone other than myself. If I’m not happy, I can’t make anyone else happy. I have the strength to do it. I’ve actually realised that instead of using my strength negatively, I can turn it around in a more positive way

The only way is up for me now.

Shaun, thank you for being here, and I’m glad to be part of Jon’s Jail Journal.

Andrea

Click here to read Andrea’s previous blog entry.

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Shaun P. Attwood