The Captain Needs a New Motorcycle

The Captain's small, but reliable Ninja 250 is sadly kaput. After putting 33,000 miles on her she suffered a sudden loss in power on the interstate about 60 miles away from home. I had to nurse he back home at about 25 MPH max. What I originally hoped was a dirty carb or perhaps a burnt out spark plug turned out to be a compression issue which isn't worth trouble shooting because it's only a $500 bike now anyway (but I still managed to get greasy and dirty which always helps with the girls...matter of fact, for all the younger male Cappy Cappites out there, but buy some grease and oil and dirty yourself up. You don't even have to be working on anything, you just have to claim you were).

Of course life is a cycle and what is no doubt the end of a chapter in the Captain's life, is also the beginning of a new chapter! And this new chapter in the Captain's life is called,

"Help the Captain Pick Out a New Motorcycle!"

Now, understand I have a black motorcycle jacket, but recently purchased this large patch to go on the back. And not to sound too chicky, but I think I shall spoil myself this time and buy a motorcycle that matches my attire. Ergo, after much searching I have come across the following three bikes and would like your opinions on them (particularly the ladies of course). They are all 600-650cc bikes, all with 5000-6000 miles on them and are all priced around $5,500.

Motorcycle #1


Motorcycle #2


Motorcycle #3

(Legal Disclaimer! - The US Department of Brainwashing and Anti-Fun, FFLF Division, has proven that chicks dig motorcycles and strongly recommends against their use. Studies have shown men with motorcycles don't really have to have any kind of personality, wit, charm, social graces or even money and will STILL get chicks to find them attractive. Side effects of driving motorcycles include;

1. Tons of chicks hanging on you.
2. Cheaper dates because motorcycle rides are cheaper than dinner
3. A sense of freedom and manliness
4. An immediate +4 to your charisma
5. Immediate loss of "nerd" or "loser" status.
6. The ability to outrank investment banker-astronaut-surgeons in terms of attractiveness to the ladies
7. Teen-30something women letting their faux feminist guard down and acting like (GASP) WOMEN!
8. Envy of other women
9. Muchas Smoochas with the ladies that may lead to pre-marital handholding
10. A general admiration and respect from fellow men.
11. The ability to drive REAL fast
12. Looking too Old School American which might trigger impure thoughts of "traditionalism" in the sex roles of men and women and politically incorrect yearnings for the 1950's.

As these symptoms are NOT those of the ideal feminized, sensitive, pansified American "male," all men are highly discouraged from purchasing, owning or riding one of these evil, anti-women, anti-family, anti-commune machines.

Michelle Obama says, "JUST SAY NO!")

Post -Post

Mercy, I knew this would happen.

1. OK, of the THREE PRESENT BECAUSE THEY"RE WITHING REASONABLE DRIVING RANGE which one is the best (remember, I live in the middle of nowhere now. These bikes are "close" at 300 miles because they're in Denver. Nothing in SoDak, Wyoming or Montana. You have to drive to a major city center to get a good bike).

2. No Harleys. Sorry to say this, but they suck ladies and gentlemen. You not only have the honor of spending $30 grand on a bike, but 4 times the amount of human labor hours doing basic repairs. I have a buddy who owns one and mercy, to just change the damn oil you have to pull the engine out. He's had nothing but problems. It's the trophy wife of motorcycles. I do not want an overpriced trophy wife for a motorcycle. The "rice burners" have been very easy to work on. It is why in previous posts I have opined about the demise of the Sturgis Rally. Too many old people with too much money and not a one of them could clean a carb, let alone change oil. There are many parallels between foreign bikes and foreign women. I'll leave you to draw those lines.