Ice Cream for Breakfast

I can't believe I have to write this post, but here it goes.

I AM AN ADULT.

AND IN BEING AN ADULT I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!

Remember back when we were kids and our parents would say,

"Well, when you pay for your own food, and pay your own bills, and pay your own rent, then you can stay up will 4AM and do whatever you want?"

Remember that?

Yeah? Well guess what!

I

BUY MY OWN FOOD

I

PAY MY OWN MORTGAGE

I

PAY MY OWN BILLS

ERGO!!!!

I CAN EAT ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST!

Don't you remember that as kids? You wanting to do all this stuff that your parents would not allow you to do, simply because you were a kid?

Well, now that you are no longer a kid and now that you are supporting yourself (unless of course daddy is still subsidizing your college tuition, and paying for your car or insurance) YOU CAN DO ALL THESE THINGS YOU WANTED TO DO BACK WHEN YOU WERE A KID!

But what do I get instead?

I get my NOW-ADULT FRIENDS saying I "can't do this!"

It's like they got nabbed and brainwashed and turned into those old-stodigy adults we so feared becoming and traitored on me. No, no, I have to have "breakfast food" for breakfast. I need to eat muffins and eggs and tofu and bark and leaves.

So, let me explain to those of you who are my age and somehow think there's something wrong with me having ice cream for breakfast.

1. I can have ice cream for breakfast. There is no way you can stop me. I can go to the store, buy ice cream, come back home and you have no legal means or forcible means to stop me. Ergo it's not a question of "can" I have ice cream for breakfast, it's a question of "SHOULD" I have ice cream for breakfast.

2. YES I SHOULD HAVE ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST. This has been a communist plot of our elders to keep us ignorant as children. Studies show that ice cream for breakfast increases your IQ by 40 points. It also has immeasurable health benefits such as strong bones due to the calcium in the ice cream, endorphins are released early on in your day, and it's a well-known fact that ice cream cures the common cold and attracts members of the opposite sex. A whole plethora of health benefits come with eating ice cream. Ergo it is a moral imperative that you eat it during the morning hours.

3. Who are you to tell me what I can and cannot do? Joseph Stalin? Mao Zedong? Barack Obama? And what do you care if I do these things? Not only do I have ice cream for breakfast, I have been known to have Rumpleminze for lunch AND stay up till 4AM playing video games on a school night (of course I didn't have school the next day, but I still stick my tongue out at you regardless).

So, the lesson we all need to learn from this is that it is OK for full grown adults to have ice cream for breakfast. If somebody can engage in vices where they smoke till they get cancer, drink till they have liver failure or marry so they lose half their net worth, then I can CERTAINLY have ice cream for breakfast.