Cigarettes, Lottery Ticket, Pay by Check

I am often asked, "Captain, what would you do if you were president to get us out of this mess?"

And of the many things I'd recommend including eliminating corporate taxes, phasing out medicare and social security and welfare, as well as banning government finances of 2-year degrees and all liberal arts degrees, there is one that would come first and foremost;

Assassinating all people who insist on getting ahead of me in line at the gas station who then;

Ask for a pack of cigarettes
Who then debate what kind of cigarettes they want and talk through their thought process
Oh, guess what. They don't have menthols. Do you want another?
Hmmm...let me see. How about filtered?
The process restarts then, and inevitably a cancer stick of choice is chosen.
And upon finally getting those cigarettes, without fail, they buy at least one lottery ticket.
But not without first going through the same tortuously slow process of picking a type of cigarette.
Sure enough a stick that will kill them and a piece of paper that will impoverish them further is chosen. And how do these people pay for it?

With a check.

Of course by this time a line of 40 people has formed behind these people and we've all missed whatever previous engagement we had. And the economy has tanked an additional 6.2% GDP because these people are the plaque that clogs the arteries of America's economy. But that's alright, society accommodates for these people because it's more important to inconvenience the masses and tank the economy and grind all progress to a halt than to let the rest of us get on with our lives.

In any case, just sharing that with you guys that this would be my first act as president.