I walked outside my townhome this afternoon and surprisingly saw two little girls looking at the stones that I had used to adorn my sidewalk. MOST people don't know those "stones" are actually fossils and agates I deemed to be unworthy of showcase materiel and since I had a surplus of them, I decided that "sidewalk adorning" was their best use. But these mere 9 year old girls had a trained eye and noticed the pattern of the ammonite shell differentiated those "stones" from the rest of the stones members of the HOA used.
Originally I had a better intention for those fossils. For those fossils were no ordinary fossils upon discovery. No, they were my first veritable "find" of fossils I ever had in my life. A find nobody else found, and so I loaded up no less than about 400 pounds of those fossils.
Of course I found out later there are billions of these fossils available for sale on the internet, but at the time it was in my humble life a "historic find."
Confirming my "discovery" was nothing special was when I decided to take some of my lesser samples and sell them at the local flee market. Oh, yes, I polished, cut and coated all the fossils in enamel to make them marketable and appetizing to the young boys who would no doubt beg their parents to buy them some. But sadly in the end I only sold one fossil.
One measly little fossil to some nerdy kid.
It begat a philosophical reaction in me.
"If young boys can't be interested in fossils then where the hell has this country gone!?"
I don't know about you, but have any of you ever held a fossil? Have any of you ever held the former remains of a creature that was here multiple-millions of years ago?
I thought it was pretty cool. I thought that was pretty neat.
But, alas, as I am a capitalist first and foremost, it doesn't matter what "I" find interesting, it only matters what the masses find interesting, and thus, more people find Apple's latest 'screw you over gadget' er...I mean ...."product" more interesting than the physical remains of a pre-historic octopus.
Regardless, despite my spectacular failure to sell fossils and thinking no kids in the entirety of the United States had any interest in fossils, there sat before me two young girls rummaging through my "sidewalk crap fossils."
I said, "So, do you like fossils?"
They looked at me all scared like (as they should because they are only little young girls and I am a mean, evil puppy kicking republican male).
"yeah" one sheepishly said.
"Well those are all crap-fossils. You don't want none of those. I have a lot better fossils that are in storage."
There was a bit of an impasse as I looked at them blankly and they looked at me blankly. Then it dawned on me that they're kids and I better take the lead plus they were probably scared of me.
"Stay here, I'll show you some real fossils."
And so I went down into my basement, grabbed from my collection an ancient clam STILL with some of its original shell, a jaw bone of an oredont, a fish fossil I found in Kemmerer, and a handful of quality ammonites and clams.
But when I returned, they had spawned into THREE little girls.
One of their little buddies just popped out of nowhere.
"Who the hell is this?"
"This is our friend Amy"
"Oh."
"She's 11"
"Uh..oh...well ummm..good for her."
And so I went to show them some of the better pieces of my collection and engaged in some discussion about paleontology.
Now by this time I had already told them that I had some much better pieces in storage AND I told them they could take whatever they liked from my crap sidewalk fossils AND to check back with me later when I retrieved my fossils in storage. I was thinking this statement and my showing them some better pieces would send them on their way and they would take the hint.
But no. They're kids. They don't pick up on those subtleties normal adults do. They look at you like you're going to say more.
And so I had to say,
"well, look girls. I have to go do some adult stuff. But why don't you stop by later next week and I'll make sure to have enough fossils for all of you."
They still sat there with blank stares on their faces.
"Uh, I have to GO and do things. I PROMISE I WILL bring you back some fossils. Just stop by later. You have to go now."
I think they finally got the hint and so they slowly shoved off. They walked down the sidewalk with the handful of fossils I gave them and I thought "Bonus Cappy Cap Points for spreading the word of paleontology."
Thinking I was rid of them I started running my errands, until 2 hours later when they knocked at the door to see if I had retrieved those fossils in storage.
"No, girls. Not yet, it will be a week. They're in Wisconsin and far north. I have to go get them. Stop by later. And by "later" I mean a week!"
So they kind of sadly shoved off again, and SO FAR they haven't been back this evening.
Now, I know you schmoes. You're all getting warm fuzzies about how I had this triumvirate of girls show up at my joint and I wasn't the mean, evil, republican type that yelled at them and told them to get off my property at the end of a shotgun.
THAT IS NOT the lesson to be pulled from here.
The lesson is WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO THE BOYS OF THIS COUNTRY?
I have three GIRLS pilfering my joint, interested in fossils????
Where the hell are the boys????
I was at least HOPING some young boys would at least have the decency to STEAL some fossils so I could slowly unload all my crap fossils. But, no, young boys in America today can't even do that. No, I need three 9 year old girls to sheepishly look over my crap-sidewalk fossils and then ask politely to have some, and then stop by two hours thinking they've been delivered.
Sad day in America when the girls are starting to show more scientific promise and curiosity than the boys.
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