People of Trader Joe's

Much as I would like to start a web site ala "People of Wal-Mart" but call it "People of Trader Joe's" I frankly don't have the time.

But with my most recent visit there, I shall debrief every one and give them a synopsis of my experience and observations there.

First, I like Trader Joe's.  I don't know why more people don't shop there.  The prices are GREAT, cheaper than most places and even though everything is "organic" it still is quality food at dirt cheap prices.

However, that is where the economist ends, and the normal, masculine, self-respecting male takes over.  Because in order to avail yourself of said lower prices and quality food you must commit yourself to entering an environment that, frankly, makes you worried you'll get infected and walk out with a rat's nest beard and one less testicle.

First, and I'm being deadly serious, I could kick every guys' ass in the place.  And I'm only 142 pounds at 5' 9".  There is NO testosterone in the entire joint.  Every guy is an emasculated putz.  When we first walked in there was this one guy, at least 200 lbs, standing behind his multi-ethnic wife (of course).  She was talking to one of the patrons about, who knows, the price of arugula.  Spent the next 15 minutes grabbing what we needed, turned the corner, and STILL, there is the emasculated yutz, standing patiently behind his wife/partner, with the dopey look on his face, while she continues talking.  He was bigger than me.  Probably stronger than me.  But you could see in his eyes he was weak, sad, pathetic.  Wouldn't raise a finger and his glands could not secrete a hormone of defiance, self respect, or anger.

Second, NOT ONE WOMAN HAD MAKE UP.  I started to notice this at first, and when I realized the sample survey I had taken of women had no make up, it became a vendetta to find one that did.  NOT ONE.  No, the women were all homely.  They didn't care to look pretty, they didn't care to look feminine, it's almost as if they were purposely making a political statement that they didn't (I don't know) what, didn't care?  Didn't want to conform?  It's one thing if you're a 21 year old ditz majoring in sociology, but Jesus H Christ, these women were in their 50's and still carry on this crusade.  It was also of meritable note than none of them had wedding rings either.  Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, fish bicycle.  Enjoy your cats.

Third, the ugliness factor.  My girl and I were HANDS DOWN the hottest couple in the joint.  And I don't fashion ourselves models or anything like that.  It begat me to ponder a theory as to why that was.  Why was a grocery store, of all places, a magnet for truly and genuinely ugly people?  I have had theories about this before, that liberalism and leftism are the antithesis of competition, and since looks and breeding is nothing more than the more bane and basic form of competition, liberals always seek each other out in Uglyfests like yoga retreats and organic farmer's markets and art festivals to avoid such competition.  But mercy, do you all have to converge at the same place I show up at a grocery store?  And why the grocery store?  I theorize it's because it's "all organic and green and politically 'cool.'"  But that only further confirms my theory it's all about avoiding competition because going "green" is nothing more than the lazy/ugly man's way of proving his worth in society.  It's like joining a club that requires nothing more than that you "care."  "Oooh, look at me, I don't work out, I don't have a real job, I don't do anything,  But I "CARE"  Want to mate and make really ugly hairy armpit babies?"

Fourth, fashion.  To my dear good Jewish friend who had his beanie on.  Not only should you not let your kid run rampant over you while I have to endure the argument you have with him about whether or not he should get (organically crappy) candy.  Do you have to wear WHITE SNEAKERS with a DARK RUNNING OUTFIT that is completely unnecessary because your gut and lack of sweat shows you obviously don't use them?  Look, I'm "technically" Jewish through matriachical um..heritage Jewish thing.  I have Jewish friends and relatives and loved ones.  But as by all means a "non-Jew" observer, do you have to purposely wear crappy clothing?  Are you purposely trying to feed the stereotype like my uncle?  Put on some nice slacks.  Or just some decent shoes.  And THEN wear the beanie. I mean, my god, if I'm going to wear something that tells the world my particular religious affiliation, I'm going to at least make myself presentable to the public and not a disgrace in fashion.

Fifth, any thugs that want to rob a joint, dude, Trader Joe's is THE place to rob.  No man, let alone, woman, at that joint is going to stop you.  The men, like their clientele are pansified SWPL men.  They'll cower, NONE carry guns, and again, if you're 140 pounds and have an ounce of testosterone you can kick their CUMULATIVE asses (and it won't be fair...to them I mean).  They'll give you whatever you want.  Also the women (and I am NOT being facetious here, I truly believe this) will actually politically support you robbing them.   "Ohhh, the poor disadvantage person that has to resort to robbing a place to feed him and his coke addiction..err..."family."  Hell, you'll probably score a number or two of frumpy hairy women intoxicated on the Helsinki Syndrome because you're the first real man they've seen in 4 months and are sick at looking at "Seth" with his limpy arms and goatee as her pursues his "Masters in Poetry."  And you can get away scott-free.  Nobody will call the "fuzz" because the fuzz is facist and besides, you displaying the first real sign of manliness just turned every girl on and they ain't going to narc on you.

Sixth, and finally, it's hypocritical.  I saw all of you effeminate, emasculate putzes scoping out my girl.  And, yes, I caught a couple of you "confirmed" feminists, scoping me out too.  And I saw all you people in the parking lot envy my girl's car.  Your human DNA and millions of years of genetic programming betray you.  You REALLY don't like shopping there, at least for the prices anyway.  You really don't like being ugly.  You really don't like being who you are.  YOu're just too damn lazy to change who you are and achieve your best.  You find it easier to find solace in the company of other lazy people to rationalize your CHOICE to not try, not endure, not work hard, not sweat or toil.  YOu find it easier to "race to the bottom" to rationalize your pathetic rank. And you all hide behind it like all other cowards who are afraid of life - behind political crusades.

You're all going "green."

You're all "caring about the environment."

You're all "caring about the poor."

BS.

You're all too lazy to go and kick ass and take names.  And what's sad is you don't shop at Trader Joe's because of the prices.  YOu shop there, first and foremost, because it's a loser's club.  The economic rationale to shop there doesn't even occur to you.

I'll admit it's a harsh theory, but I'll rescind and retract this one when somebody comes up with a better one as to why such homely people shop at Trader Joe's.  AND I don't want to hear any crap about how "insulting I am" because if I recall, many of you folk have no problem mocking the "People of Wal-Mart" when you don't realize you're just the opposite side of the same coin.