I will confess!
Many years ago when men were giants and women were angels "The Guys" all lived in this house in St. Paul.
The house was a holy and sacred temple to bachelortude.
Owned by one particularly savvy member of "The Guys," he would rent it out to 4 other friends. However, even if you didn't live there, if you were one of "The Guys" you could walk in at any hour (doors always unlocked), crash there any night, and to appease the Great Gods of Bachelortude, occasionally bring a sacrifical 12 pack of beer.
Thusly, my friends and I would pay nightly homage to "The House of Bachelortude" by drinking, playing 16 person X-Box linked Halo Fests till 3 AM, WarCraft, Texas Hold 'Em, throwing the occasional party, and I explicity remember one night requiring banning all communications with girlfriends (UNLESS the girlfriends came over bearing gifts of beer and food which would earn them a 5 minute audience with their boyfriend, whose dumbasses should have been covering my approach to the blue team's base with the sniper rifle while playing Sidewinder in Halo, but oh no, somebody has got to go talk to his girlfriend, meanwhile I'm run over with a tank and the Blue Team has the bazooka and shotgun and is heading over to our base...I'LL NEVER FORGIVE YOU KILGS!!!!!!)
And life was good.
But as this was The House of Bachelortude the magazine subscriptions were not exactly The Economist or the Journal of American Political Economy...actually it was FHM and Playboy.
Not that we had a choice in the matter you understand. The Great Gods of Bachelortude DEMANDED IT! So what were we to do? You don't want to incur the wrath of The Great Gods of Bachelortude!
Anyway, as I said before I will confess, that while waiting for the pizza to show up, or being recently defeated in a game of Texas Hold 'Em I would peruse the most recent issue of Playboy that would be strewn on the table (to appease The House of Bacherlortude of course).
While not as attractive as some of the charts I've seen in The Economist, I will admit some of the girls were OK looking. Of course as any good economist would do, I read the footnotes to make sure the source is reputable, the methodology sound, etc. But instead of reading "Source: Retroactively Applying Standardized Unemployment Rates in Sweden, OECD Sept 12, 2006" the footnotes to these Playboy models was;
"Bambi Jones, Age 23, Height 5'2" weight 105 pounds. Degree - Bachelors of Arts in Sociology from the University of Arizona."
And then my economic spidey senses started tingling. For fresh in my memory was when I was stood up, not once, not twice, but thrice by a drop dead, Playboy-esque girl who had went to school for cosmotology. This observation, combined with my utter disdain for fluffy majors got me thinking;
Was there a correlation???
Do Playboy Playmates pursue easy degrees?
And if so, do they pursue these degrees because they're dumb?
Or are they just bidding their time in college majoring in philosophy whilst scoping out for a husband effectively earning themselves an MRS. degree?
Furthermore, should they not find a husband are these degrees so worthless that they resort to baring it all to make ends meet?
And finally, can what daddy's little girl major in be a predictor of whether millions of young horn-dog guys will see daddy's little girl spread eagle on a centerfold?
So I set forth to conduct this serious study. Selflessly dedicating my time for the sake of advancing our understanding of economics. And took it upon myself to study all the Playboy Playmate's profiles and see what they majored in.
No no, you don't have to thank me. It's my patriotic and American duty to foist this heavy burden upon myself. And it is the least I can do to repay the great freedoms our forefathers fought so valiantly for.
The results?
Here is a breakdown of what Playboy Playmates studied in college;
*Note, the vast majority of Playmates either didn't attend or list whether they attended college. This includes all the data found on Wikipedia for all playmates going back to 1980. An interesting side note, the further back you go, less and less playmates went to college reflecting the increasing trend in labor force participation by women. Total number of playmates that listed a major was 54, understand this does not mean they finished college or earned a degree. It just mentioned college.
What is amazing is how there is not one, NOT ONE COMPUTER PROGRAMMER OR PRE-MED OR PHYSICS OR OR ACCOUNTING OR ENGINEERING MAJOR (bar Cindy Crawford who spent 1 quarter in chemical engineering, but never graduated). The majority of playmates pursue degrees in utter fluff, the biggest pulls being "psychology," "acting/theater," "journalism," "communications," "education," "junior college," and that weak pathetic worthless degree that tries to score some credibility as passing itself off as a "business major;" marketing.
I further simplified this chart between what I like to call "Fluffy El Crapo Degrees" and "Real Degrees That Will Get You A Freaking Job."
A full 82% of the playmates that went to college, effectively wasted their time and pursued worthless degrees, whilst a paltry 18% actually went and did something useful with their time (sadly even this can't be said as most of them didn't graduate with those degrees, when you adjust for this it literally is only about 3%).
So what lesson can we take away from this fellow aspiring and junior deputy economists?
How can we end this post so that in a Stan and Kyle like way we say,
"you know, I think we learned something here today."
Well, for one, maybe Larry Summers shouldn't have been punished for his truthful statement that women just aren't cutting it in the real sciences. Maybe good ol' Larry was just trying to prevent some of these young girls from having to resort to posing nude to make ends meet or make a living. Maybe Larry was trying to actually do something tangible that would help close the wage gap between men and women by getting more women into the sciences and engineering.
Secondly, maybe we ought to cut back on fluffy subjects in not just the high schools but the colleges as well. Enough of the "pscyhology" or "sociology" or "communications" crap. And certainly do away with "peace studies" programs. Maybe instead of enticing women with the false illusion that they're going to make it big or even make it period with touchy feely degrees that we show them just what caliber go and pursue such worthless degrees and encourage them to pursue careers that would actually increase their incomes and make them TRULY independent women.
Third, upper middle income fathers who think "daddy's little girl can do no wrong," think daddy's little girl is superior to all other humans, and think nothing of preparing his little girl for the real world beyond giving her his credit card for a trip to the mall better pull his head out of his ass and start fathering instead of thinking his arrogance and bank account is going to carry through his little suburbanite princesses. That you might want to instill a little work ethic in her and teach her the merits of work and self-reliance before you go and buy her a little Honda Del Sol or Pontiac Sunfire.
And finally, if daddy's little girl goes into the fluff-stuff for college, be aware that the day might just come when you go to the office and all the other guys will see just how much your little princess has grown up.
However, there is a way to prevent this embarrassing situation. Note that the sciences;
engineering, computers, medicine, physics, chemistry, etc.
are like a vaccine practically innoculating your little girl from ever showing her assets to the entire world and all the horn-dogs at The House of Bachelortude. Again, Cindy Crawford is the only one to major in engineering, and she gave that up because she had the rare opportunity to become a bona fide supermodel. And although I didn't add it up, the majority of "post playboy careers" a lot of these playmates had were either "dancers" or "strippers."
Only problem is we keep on telling women that math is too "tough" for them and channel them to the majors and careers that are less paying than subjects that have traditionally been pursued by men.
Of course, when we say this, everybody gets in a hissy fits and demands blood. Larry Summers lost his job over it. Feminists and leftists don't like it because women entering the sciences would result in more capitalists and Republicans and take away from the liberal arts.
Besides which...it just occurred to me...if we encouraged girls to major in the sciences, where would we get our Playboy Playmates?
Uhhh..sooo...ummm, yeah, on second thought ENCOURAGE YOUR YOUNG DAUGHTERS TO MAJOR IN FLUFF! We wouldn't want them getting real jobs with real careers. We men need them desperate enough to disrobe for our viewing pleasure.
Besides which, THE GODS OF BACHELORTUDE DEMAND IT!!!!!
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