Stalkers & Why They Do It.

Over 3 & a half years on, Gareth Rodger is still at it. Stalking this blog and very likely every other place his name is mentioned







A while back I exposed his recent Facebook profile.







If you look at the picture below he has been visiting using both his Entice Media Account and his User account. His company Website - Entice Media







I kept logs of his very first visits to this blog , he has a tendency NOT to read anything I say, he skips everything that would spark any humanity inside of him and focuses only on HIMSELF (as always) and what this blog could be doing to tarnish his name.




Douglas Beckstead stalks his victims in the same way.







Why do they do it?


What is it with psychopaths/narcissists? do they stalk online because of mere curiosity or just to keep tabs? I'd say both, and many more reasons.

His false self, his mask , his reputation are all at stake with every stroke of the keyboard.


"At the end of a relationship the Narcissist faces the potential exposure of his abusive behaviour, your leaving and loss of expected NS (Narcissistic Supply), ensuing divorce, financial repercussions, which can result in narcissistic injury and subsequent narcissistic rage.

His targets find themselves on the receiving end of the Narcissist’s relentless continued abuse, smear campaign, endless legal battles and other creative cruelties. This narcissistic rage may be, in fact, much worse than what you experienced within the relationship." Source






Stalkers & Technology



"Technology is almost the greatest gift to a persistent stalker,"


They used to sit outside their targets' homes -- hiding in cars or bushes -- waiting to follow them.

They used to leave hastily-scrawled notes on their windshields before slashing their tires.

But now stalkers have moved into the 21st century, using modern technology to leave their terrorized victims living in fear.

If any victim is being harassed with e-mails, don't reply, and save the e-mails -- if you reply you increase the problem and it encourages the activity to continue,"















ABOUT CYBERSTALKERS
Cyber stalkers can be broadly categorized into three types. (Sometimes these categories overlap).




The obsessed cyberstalker


This is the most common type of cyberstalker and he or she usually has had a prior relationship with the victim. The stalker cannot come to terms with the fact that their relationship is over. He or she then takes a lot of trouble to coerce the victim into re-entering the relationship or has his or her revenge on the victim by inducing fear and making his or her life miserable.

One should not be misled by believing that this stalker is harmlessly in love and incapable of causing real harm.






The delusional cyberstalker


This type of stalker is usually unrelated to the intended victim. Most of the time, contact is achieved through the Internet. These stalkers suffer from mental illnesses such as schizophrenia, psychopathy, bipolar disorder, narcissism, etc. This is why, sometimes, they are severely deluded into believing that their victim is in love with them even though they may have never met. These false beliefs keep them tied to their victims. This particular condition is also known as erotomania.

A delusional stalker is often a social outcast because of his or her mental illness and this makes him or her all the more desperate for companionship. Victims often tend to be married and from high profile professions such as celebrities, doctors, teachers, etc.

The most common type of stalker from this group is the type which pursues a celebrity and this syndrome is better known as the "obsessed fan syndrome". Delusional stalkers are very difficult to shake off.



The vengeful cyber stalker


These cyber stalkers are typically disgruntled employees and ex-spouses, ex-lovers or ex-friends who are resentful towards their victim due to some reason or the other. The motive for them is the feeling that THEY were the ones who have been victimized first and that they are merely teaching their victims a lesson.


His or her actions are similar to that of the obsessional stalker but they differ in motive. He or she is usually hell-bent on inducing fear in his or her victims by blackmailing or threatening them after taking over their computers.






WHAT MOTIVATES A CYBERSTALKER/ HARASSER?

The following are general motivations for any cyberstalker. The more fearful cyberstalkers tend to have more than one motive.




Anonymity of the Net

As mentioned before, the very nature of anonymous communications through the Internet makes it much easier to be a cyberstalker than a stalker in the real world.




Obsession for love


It is often the case that when relationships that begin online or in real life are halted abruptly by one person, the rejected lover cannot accept the end of the relationship. This leads to the rejected one pursuing his or her ex-lover online as well as offline.

One major problem related to obsessional stalking is that since it often starts off as real romance and intimacy, much personal information is shared between both persons involved. This makes it all the easier for the cyberstalker to harass his or her victim by using personal information against him or her or publicizing them.

Obsessions may also start as pastimes or for psychological reasons. These stalkers live in their own fantasy realms, so it is usually unnecessary for the victim to have done anything to attract his or her attention in the first place. Obsessional stalkers are usually jealous, possessive and manipulative people.





Revenge & Hate


It may start of as a mere argument blown out of proportion, leading eventually to a relationship based on intense hatred and a need for revenge. The criminal behavior may also be triggered off as a result of a rude comment posted online. The offending party may regret his or her action immediately but the offended party is not that easy to shake off.

Sometimes, hate-centred cyberstalking is triggered off for no reason at all. This is another indication of the psychological instability of cyberstalkers. Death threats and vulgar messages via email or through live chat messages are a common manifestation of this type of stalking.






Ego-centrism

Some stalkers are least interested in the damage they do to or how close they get to their victims. They are only interested in the process of gaining control over their victims just to prove to themselves or their friends that they can. They do not have any grudge against their victims but are simply using them as a means to exhibit their power and control to their friends or doing it just for the challenge. The unlucky victim is usually chosen at random.

Apart from the fact that they are highly manipulative and risk-taking, these stalkers do not suffer from any mental illness. Most people who receive threats online are fooled into believing that their harasser is more than capable of carrying out their threats. In fact, more often than not, this type of stalker is a child or teenager who cannot possibly have the means of carrying out the threats made.






IMPACT ON VICTIMS


Cyberstalking undermines the reputation and credibility of the Internet as a platform of information and for communication.

Being stalked can be an extremely fearful experience... Receiving messages filled with hatred or obsessive desire from someone whose face they have never seen before can be extremely terrifying. This is even more so if they start thinking that they themselves had done something wrong to deserve such treatment.

The knowledge that one is being continually pursued for whatever reason in the real or in the cyberworld is not something one handle if he or she keeps his or her fear inside. A new user of the Net may be so traumatized by such an experience that he or she may be too frightened to use the Net ever again. The worst thing that could happen is that the victim is convinced by the stalker to meet him or her in the real world and is then raped or assaulted or even murdered in a secluded area.

Such incidents severely undermine the reputation and credibility of the Internet as a worldwide platform of information and for communication. - Source
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Minimize What People Can Find Out About You Online

Cyberstalking A Very Real Problem

Stalkers Cause Anxiety & Stress - PTSD

Beware The Rage Of The Cyberpath When Caught

The Poor Cyberpath Feels Threatened

Another Facebook Stalker Arrested

Online Stalking Made Easy



Thanks to EOPC for the articles & links.

A Season For Everything. Letting Go.

During recent renovations on my home, I had to clear out every room before the new flooring could be laid.

I came across one of Gareth Rodger's old books on my shelf , it was tucked away behind a ton of my novels. I chucked the book over to an open box destined for the trash heap , while it was flying through the air a yellow piece of paper fluttered from within it's pages and landed on the floor.


I noticed it, but didn't pay much attention , nor go straight over and pick it up. I was far too busy imagining how great the house would be, deciding when to host the BBQ, which friends to invite, and thinking of my great summer ahead.


When the room was finally clear the yellow piece of paper was all that remained. I walked over, picked it up , noticed the blue tac on the back (wall adhesion) and spent the next 10 mins laughing. Don't get me wrong I could of cried , or been angry, but my first reaction was to laugh and I wondered why. This puzzled me.


What did I find so funny?, I asked myself "Shouldn't I be angry? upset? hurt? feel violated?, betrayed? .... I didn't feel any of those things and I think that's when it sunk in......


......that I just didn't care about him anymore, he wasn't and isn't important, I am past being angry, I am past being bitter and resentful, I am enjoying my life and finding the past with Gareth Rodger a distant memory.












I still suffer with a lot of PTSD symptoms, the grief in losing my 3 children, my father and other things. Sure I grieve, but not "for" or "about" him anymore. The Fantasy of "Him" has been gradually replaced with the reality of "who he was"


I still find myself angry sometimes, but it doesn't control my every waking moment. Its an "every now and then" experience instead of a constant everyday battle.


I feel free, confident and I am finally regaining my self esteem.


I still have my down days, my off days, and my angry days but its not everyday. There is no more grieving for what could of been, who he could of been, or the future I thought I would miss out on. Like I said before, fantasy has been replaced by reality, actuality. Truth...



When all is revealed at the end , you'll begin to see that the ideal relationship with the narcissist was just fantasy... of what he is, could of been, and was, and enter reality , where all things are laid bare, on the table, and in the open.



Letting go isn't easy, but with every passing battle, little by little , the pain, anger and resentment passes. I find myself thinking of my garden, children, days out, and plans instead of dwelling on the past. I am looking to the future!

Since having a gardener come out and transform my overgrown, weed filled yard, I have found a new hobby. Gardening is wonderfully therapeutic.


I go out everyday to water and tend to my flowers, shrubs and plants. There are times when they will wilt and even die, but I notice if I tend to their needs they come back in full bloom when the season is right. New buds appear, leaves become green and new healthy roots grow. I am quick to cut back the weeds when I see them creeping up and parasites are kept away by pellets.


After the narcissist we are left damaged, abused, neglected and underfed. Given time, watering, tender care, and nourishment our roots become stronger, new buds begin to grow and we flourish! we bloom into a new season!


Much like the overgrown, dying garden we need to start afresh, plant new healthy roots in our lives, choose the right food & the right gardener. Any weeds that creep up you cut back, much the same way you would cut out & avoid people you know would be damaging to you. Once you know what a weed looks like, how it grows and destroys ,you can spot it a mile off.






At the end of the day it's how much care we are willing to take over our mental and emotional health. Will we work on ourselves or allow the weeds to overcome and destroy us?


9 months ago if that piece of paper had fluttered out of the pages of the book, I would of reacted completely differently, angry, bitter, hurt and betrayed.


It's times like these that I cherish, there is a season for everything, A time for anger, a time to cry, a time to grieve, and a time to be bitter. A time for truth, a time for plans, a time for peace, and a time to let go and bloom!

Mirror Men.

By Robert Melton MA.


At his core, every Controller is monumentally self-centered. He is not just on an ego trip. He is on an expedition.

In his mind, everyone orbits around him, as if people are his planets and he is their shining sun. What he wants he should have, simply because he wants it. He needs no other justification. Seeing himself as the center of everyone else's universe, he is blind to the fact that anyone else's wants or needs are more important than his own. Doggedly locked into this self-image of grand, "godlike" proportions, he may literally feel entitled to other's worship.

It is as if these kind of men view reality from inside a strange, transparent fortress, whose walls are both shield and golden mirror. Hardened against the truth of the world outside himself, this psychological citadel resists seeing things as they really are. Like mental bulletproof-glass, these opaque fortress walls deflect any words or actions from others that might threaten his perfect "godlike" image of himself. Everything is perceived through this armored, shining shell, and the world must always treat him as if he were golden. And failure to worship at his shrine can be devastating.

At one end of this egotistical continuum are publicly notorious "charismatic leaders"--the Caesars, Hitlers and Saddam Husseins of the world--that represent the severe end of self-centeredness gone violently berserk. They see themselves as "entitled" to dominate or destroy millions, simply because they can. But Controllers that most women encounter rarely look as obvious as an Adolph or Saddam, or become as lethal. Instead of striving to conquer nations, these narcissistic "little dictators" must limit themselves to conquering you.

But what exactly is "narcissism," in terms of being a Controller? And what is the surest way to spot this self-adoring manipulator?

In a Narcissistic Controller's mind, everyone and everything orbits around him, as if people are his planets and he is their shining sun. What he wants, he should have, simply because he wants it. Greed is at the core of his being, but it is greed based more on attention than ownership. He may own a few things, or many, but his primary reason for "owning" anything--including you--is to display his sense of self-induced superiority.

Although such an individual is usually not physically or sexually abusive, he is a master at inflicting psychological, emotional and spiritual damage on others. This type of Controller is incapable of needing anyone but himself, and it is that rigidly fixated belief which lies behind the lordly attitude that dwells in him. It is as if these kinds of men see reality from inside a strange, transparent fortress, whose walls are both shield and mirror. Like mental bulletproof glass, these opaque psychological walls deflect any words or actions from outside him that might threaten his perfectly idealized, "godlike" self-image. And his mannerisms and behaviors reflect his own shining image.

He seems to stand out in a crowd, as if under a spotlight. He acts as if people aren't just watching him--they're adoring him. If you are within earshot, or he engages you in a conversation--which he will, if you can draw other's attention to him--pay close attention to his facial expressions when he mentions those whom he like and dislikes. Listen to how he talks about himself and others. Possessive arrogance characterizes him when he likes someone, as if he personally owns him or her. When he says something good about someone, he tends to say only good things about those whom he perceives as admiring him. Look for intense expressions of disdain toward those whom he dislikes, who will have failed to pander to his sense of self-centered specialness.

When talking about himself, everything he thinks, feels and does, sounds as if it must be important. Nothing is insignificant about a Narcissist, to a Narcissist. Regardless of what position he holds at his job, he is always better at it than anyone else. Whether a company's janitor or chief executive officer, he always conveys a sense of himself as superior to his peers.

When speaking of his family or friends, it sounds like he could be describing expensive cars, clothes, stereos or jewelry. People are possessions to a Narcissistic Controller, useful unto the degree that they make him look good to others and himself. They can be ignored, demeaned or discarded whenever they fail to make him shine.

The quickest and crudest way to confirm that someone is a Narcissistic Controller is simply to marry him. Unfortunately, this actually is the first moment when the narcissistic spell is broken and a woman realizes that Mr. Right is actually Mr. Wrong. If it were simply a manner of recognizing signs of self-centered arrogance, it would be a piece of cake to avoid this kind of man's clutches. But many Narcissistic Controllers possess a subtle weapon: charm.

Most people strive to be socially charming, but this is not the kind of charm displayed by a Narcissistic Controller. The manipulative impact of narcissistic charm is not intended to ease social connectedness. It is designed to establish social dominance. Instead of stimulating thought and interaction, it tends to lull or paralyze the mind. The Random House Dictionary defines charm's essence as, " . . . A power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty; to act upon (someone or something) with or as with a compelling or magical force . . .." It is this feeling of being acted upon--or controlled--which can initially hint that you are dealing with narcissistic control. It feels intensely charming. You feel gripped by it, instead of eased by it. Other signs can indicate the presence of narcissistic control, as well.

Displaying disdain and contempt for those whom he believes have betrayed him can confirm signs of narcissistic control. But betrayal, to a Narcissist, differs from what normal people experience.

For most people, betrayal usually means a deep violation of trust inflicted by someone with whom a close, personal relationship exists. But, to a Narcissistic Controller, betrayal simply means that someone stopped pandering to his every want and need. In other words, when someone breaks away from his control, he feels betrayed. Since Narcissists do not have the capacity to develop close, trusting personal relationships, there can be no deep violation of real trust.

When a Narcissistic Controller feels betrayed, contempt dominates his facial and verbal expressions. The insolent, aloof sneer commonly accompanies expressions such as, "He didn't know who he was dealing with!" Or, "Doesn't he know who I am?" His real complaint--if he had the ability to see it--should be, "Don't you know who I think I am?"

This is not an exhaustive description of Narcissistic Controllers. It is the basics--the essentials. If you believe that you are already locked into a business or personal relationship with this kind of man, a later part of this series will explain suggested ways to deal with him. But if you have recognized the features of someone like this man, and you are feeling caught inside his spell, ask yourself a question: What part of me needs this man, so that I can feel good about myself?

All types of Controllers capitalize on manipulating that part in anyone which lacks self-esteem. Essentially, they feed off our uncertainties about our selves. Find that shy, heart-broken or traumatized part of yourself and make friends with it. Get close to it, and it will help protect you from his deceptions, deceits, and ultimately, his inevitably egotistical scorn.