Milk, Cow, Dancing

The Captain still teaches the occasional dance class. Nothing fancy, just a step here and there taught to the local yokels. However, inevitably a young man comes up to me and asks about dancing, namely whether it's worth learning to dance or not.

This presents a paradox for young men, or perhaps "trap" is a better word, and so let me explain. (I am also forewarning people with thin skin and prone to complain about candid reality-based observations between the sexes that you may want to exercise your freedom of choice, and not read further).

Dancing is essentially the parallel or counterpart to sex when it comes to matters of courting. What I mean by that is IN GENERAL men like sex more than women, and when it comes to dancing, women like dancing more than men. This presents men with a golden opportunity to level the playing field, however, most of the men interested in learning to dance squander it.

For example, I was at the local dance bar in town and a young man saw me and one of the elder ladies light up the floor. He, along with everybody else in the joint, was very much impressed. When I returned to the table I found out he was a beginner dancer and was very eager to improve his skills. He started interrogating me about how to become a better dancer, when to go, what kind of classes were available, etc. etc. The next song came on and he immediately asked one of the girls at the table to dance. I knew her. She was a nice gal, also VERY good at dancing, but she had a bit of a chip on her shoulder because she was one of the few good looking girls in town. So I took the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone - teaching him a lesson about dancing and to give her guff.

I said, "What the hell are you doing?"

He looked at me and said, "I'm going to go dance?"

"No no no! What are you, crazy? You don't just go and offer dances for free!"

"I don't?" he asked.

"No! Look, dancing is like sex, except women want it more than men. So you don't just give it away for free. You gotta make them earn it. You don't just be a "dance whore" and dance with every girl at every opportunity. You get to be choosy!"

Naturally the girl protested, but her smiling face gave away that I was onto her.

She contested, "No, you go ahead and dance with whatever girl you want! There's nothing wrong with that. Don't listen to him!"

Smirking I retorted, "Hey, look, listen to me. Remember how many girls didn't want to have sex, or made you hold out? You were all for it, but they played their little games? This is god's gift to us to do the same. It's pay back time. For once we have something they want and we just aren't into it that much."

He said, "Yes, but I love to dance!"

I immediately hushed him up, "SHHHHHHH!!!! Jesus Christ!!!! Are you trying to ruin it for everybody??? You don't TELL them that! Fine, YOU like to dance, but most men don't. That makes you special. That makes you the sole supplier of what they want. You gotta play it cool. You reward them with a dance! You don't just give it away because you like it."

The girl by now was smiling and laughing, "You know, you're ruining it for the rest of us!"

I said in a sly come-hither look, "You know it's true! You just don't like it when we get to reverse the game and play it back on you!"

Of course the two young kids went and danced anyway, but this little anecdote highlights the point I'm trying to make. Why buy the dancing cow when the dancing milk is for free?

On the dance scene we had a name for guys who just went willy nilly dancing with every girl. We called them "Dance Whores." Now there is nothing wrong with being a dance whore, matter of fact, it's a great way to learn, and learn fast you will. You'll make a lot of friends AND it can be the best time in your life IF there is a vibrant and healthy dance community (ie-everybody wants to dance with everybody and there are no cliques or drama involved).

However, every dance scene has a life-expectancy. The fad will die out. The dance scene will get invaded by desperate singles groups. Eerie middle aged men desperate for wives will scare away all the other girls. Heck, people get married and don't go dancing any more. And soon what was the greatest dance community is nothing more than a desperate singles group or pick up joint. And all you have left is the dance skills you picked up.

But this was not all in vain. You now have a skill that very few men have. AND A LOT OF WOMEN DESPERATELY COVET! Yes, on the dance scene, EVERY guy knew how to dance, and therefore, you were nothing special. But if you go out into the non-dance scene world, you are hot tamales my fine young friend!

Of course, there are problems or drawbacks. Notably if you go to a wedding or a bar where dancing is not the main attraction or there is not enough of a dancing community, most girls will shoot you down for a dance PRIMARILY because they don't know you are a great dancer. This is why you need a good Wing-Woman. A woman who knows how to dance. A woman who will dance with you early on in the evening, showing and advertising to all the other women that you indeed are a great dancer. Once you've demonstrated you can beget 100% of the attention on the floor with a girl, THEN you start approaching girls seeing if they want to dance.

But again, you don't flood the market with dances. You hold back on production, just like OPEC. You are your own One Man Cartel of Dancing. You keep that price high as possible. Choose only the girls you want to dance with. Dance with them ONLY once. I also STRONGLY recommend grabbing older women and dancing with them. Not only will Grandma Tilly say yes, and not only will Grandma Tilly have the time of her life dancing with you, every younger girl who thought they were top shizzizle is wondering how the heck you are choosing women to dance with.

Dating it's the same thing. It may seem counter-intuitive, but you NEVER take a girl out on a dancing for the first date or use dancing to entice her into a date. You take her to a movie, or diner, or what have you and then through the normal course of conversation you let it slip that you "are an accomplished tango dancer." Or that you "love to salsa dance." Once you plant that seed, it will grow, quite rapidly, into a tree of desire to go dancing.

But, just like the kid on the block who was the first one to get a Nintendo or a Playstation 2, you don't let the entire neighborhood come over and play. You be stingy with the dancing. You, again, use it as a reward. If she makes you dinner, you go dancing. If she's nice and not a drama queen, you go dancing. If she starts in with the mind games and being late and nagging - NO DANCING FOR YOU! You are the prize because you got the goods.

So boys, and even men of the married caliber, remember to use dancing to your advantage. Learn it, pick it up, it's a great skill to have. But once that dance scene goes the way of Christian singles groups, the good times are over, and you must hang up your dance whoring attire. However, you have a skill that pretty much every red-blooded female wants, but less than 1% of the male population has, and that is dancing.

Don't botch it up by flooding the market with it.