A Cartman Moment

There is no limit to the number of men and women I run into who upon finding out that I ballroom dance on the side are immediately intrigued and interested. I then say, "well, why don't you come out dancing with me and my friends? Or perhaps take a class?"

To which they predictably respond, "oh, well I don't know how to dance."

And thus I feel like Cartman talking to Butters in the episode "Make Love, Not Warcraft" (see here).

You see (ladies and gentlemen who are interested in dancing but then never take a dance class because you innately don't know how) you CAN'T LEARN TO DANCE UNLESS YOU EITHER TAKE A CLASS OR GO OUT AND TRY!!!

I file my complaint today primarily because of the lost amount of fun people could have if they just went out and at least TRIED dancing. They're missing out a great world simply because they somehow magically think all ballroom, swing and salsa dancers somehow were just born dancing and we never ever had to train or learn the basic steps in the first place. As if just after college, BOOM, the Magic Salsa Fairy took her wand and went "pwaaaaannng!!! You can now dance, Captain!"

The other reason I bring this up is for the younger men in the Capposphere. I have retired from the courtship/dating game and now never ask a girl I don't know to dance. And the reason is simple - they always say the same thing - "Well, I'd love to, but I don't know how?"

This you understand has happened at least a hundred times in my life. But understand the irony of it.

The Young (and highly accomplished ballroom-dancing) Captain, goes up to girl X. There is a nice open wood dance floor. There is a GREAT band playing. And everybody is dressed to the nines looking sharp.

I say to girl X, "Girl X, would you like to dance?"

She says "I'd love to, but I don't know how" to the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

"Well I'll show you how to dance" says the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

"Oh, well I don't know the moves." invariably says girl X.

"Yes, but that is why I would SHOW YOU THE MOVES" says the ballroom dance INSTRUCTOR.

By that time inevitably the situation deteriorates to a cackle of girls are wooing and giggling, pointing to one another jesting the other should dance with the "foolish" dance instructor, who leaves the table and takes with him what was a genuine and great opportunity for these girls to learn to dance.

So to the younger ballroom-dancing men in the Capposphere - don't bother asking girls to dance unless it is at a bonafide ballroom dance and they are bonafide dancers. You're just wasting your time.

Regardless, the overall lesson for the aspiring, junior, deputy, official or otherwise economists out there is to just try dancing ONCE. Go take a class, especially if you don't know how, because that's why you take a class. Or if you're particualrly shy, the Captain does sell instructional DVD's which you can practice to in the security and safety of your own home. And ladies, the dirty little secret of the ballroom dance world is that you don't even need to take a class because there is no limit to the number of men who like to use it as a means by which to hopefully get your number or pick you up.

Alas, I fear I shall still be Cartman in this regard.