You Kids and Your Damn "Texting"

I get my cell phone bill.

$3.40 for TEXTING.

What pisses me off is that I DO NOT TEXT!

My friends do.

And ooohhhh, what a fun time it is to text the ole Cap and needlessly charge him 20 cents. Oh boy! What fun! Just like poking a poor sleeping dog, tee hee heee! Let's annoy the Captain and send him a pointless text.

Of course my friends think this is funny. That I'm the "one guy" who doesn't have texting. As if it's the equivalent of not having internet access or a toilet in 2009. And besides which they sickly view it as a form of cheap entertainment. "Well, it only will cost him 20 cents, but tee hee heeee! Oh he'll be pissed! That's so worth it." And damn if they can't go a day without texting him about irrelevant BS when a normal freaking phone call would suffice.

"Hey, Captain, we're going to a moving. Want to go?"

Oh, no. That has to be texted you see, because "texting" is "cool." It's what the cool hip kids do.

Never mind it takes longer than picking up the freaking phone and calling the person.

Never mind it's infinitely more labor intensive to type a paragraph than to just call the person while on the phone.

Oh no, we gotta text.

Ergo, to smite you young punk kids, guess what I just did? THat's right, I disabled the texting on my plan. Now, instead of being sucked dry of my finite wealth for other people's texting addiction, I will laugh as I never receive your textings. You will waste your time and labor texting me messages that I shall never receive. And remember the fun times you had saying, "Hey, you know, it isn't a lot, it will only cost him 20 cents, but boy that 20 cents will sure goad his goose, tee hee heeee, let's text the Captain" yeah, har har, those times are over.

I now plan on taking the $56,902 I would have saved over my life in never receiving texts and
buying a sports car with it.