How to Fix the Economy

Economics, as I like to point out, is simple.

It's very, very VERY simple.

I don't like people who take simple things and try to make them seem complicated so as to fool others into thinking they're super smart or something. For example using words like "paradigm." Do you remember that around circa 2001, 2002 or so? "Paradigm" was a word some intellectual elitist had to look up and worked it into his daily vocabulary so as to keep other people from finding out he was in fact a complete freaking moron. Other complete freaking morons, notably MBA's picked up on the trend and started putting it into their vocabulary. This way people in marketing can make it sound like they're doing something productive.

Oh, sure, I like to use new words, but at least I pick them because of their coolness. Like the word "veracity." Now that's a cool word. Or "expeditious." But "paradigm?"

Get your ass back to academia.

In any case, as I said I like to make economics simple and so let me tell you the one thing that would do the most to help turn this economy around. It's so simple and so effective that it practically guarantees the government will not do it;

Eliminate corporate taxes.

Now, set aside if you will, the natural knee jerk leftist reaction and for once instead try to listen to me.

If you eliminated corporate taxes, several things would happen;

1. Corporations not just domestically, but foreign corporations as well would immediately flood the US to not only set up plants and businesses, but move their corporate headquarters here (bringing with them high paying white collar jobs).

2. These new found jobs would have an immediate and decreasing effect on unemployment, which as it approaches double digits, I think by now has the attention of even the most ardent sports fans who cannot retract their heads from their asses long enough to quit paying attention to what the score is for the hockey game and may now in fact be paying attention to the economy.

3. Corporations would immediately repatriate hundreds of billions in profits they are leaving overseas back into the US economy. You want to talk about stimulus that doesn't require indebting future generations into slavery or destroying the currency, try $300 billion in real money within the next 3 months.

4. "What was that? Corporate taxes that were once 40% are now 0%?" Well boys and girls, what kind of effect do you think that would have on the value of stocks? Let me see, if we get to keep 40% more of our money then stocks would be...um.......wait...40% more valuable!!!!! 1.4*8000, would result in a DJIA of 11,200. Would that help your 401k maybe?

Of course, as I said before, eliminating corporate taxes is such a simple and grandiose idea, that it practically guarantees the government will never do it. Besides which, the government is elected by the people. And the people are so incomprehensibly stupid and brainwashed that they love to loathe "evil corporate America" but in the same breath bitch and moan about the halving of their 401k plans.

In the meantime I sit here and enjoy the show smoking my cigar, sipping my martini.