I'm Green, Therefore I'm Fake

Anybody else getting sick and tired of this mindless pursuit of businesses to "go green?" Yahoo did something similar but here's Google's latest (fully aware its Tree Day or Earth day or something like that).


But on a larger scale, I can't watch the news without some dumb corporation with "chick flick" music in the background and panoramic shots of rolling hills and kids and butterflies with some kind of emasculated guy sounding like Mr. Rogers saying;

"We know that the future is important to our children.

That the environment is all we can give them.

That's why we here at Jones' Hydrochloric Acid Company are doing our share to go green.

Using the latest technologies we ensure our hydrochloric acid burns safely, cleanly emitting less carbon dioxide than our competitors.

We do this not for profit, but because we care.

Because going green is what's best for the future.

And the future is our children. J

ones' Hydrochloric Acid Company. Hope for our children. Hope for our future."

They're like Obama speeches in 30 second commercial sound bites.

Just once I'd like to see a company say;

"(KMFDM in the background) Hey, how ya doing? Look, we'd like to claim we're going green, but you know something? We just can't lie to you. Costs too much. And besides, none of all these other companies that claim they're going green are.

We promise to dump as much toxic waste into waterways as legally possible.

We promise to cut corners where possible to make it more affordable to you.

And we do our best to make sure our engines emit the most CO2 possible, and if not, we burn a gallon of gasoline for every engine we sell just to make sure.

Why do we do this?

Because we are just too intellectually honest to try to feign like we give a damn or fall for this politically correct BS.

Besides,the future is going to be ran and dominated by China because we keep handicapping ourselves and majoring in cosmetology, and they don't give an ef about global warming.

So buy Bob's Toxic, Fuming Polar Bear Killing Engines.

They'll bring about global warming, but nowhere near as fast as the developing nations."

See, now I could buy that on account of truth. Whereas I still have yet to buy anything, ANYTHING on it with a gorilla on the packaging. Just don't trust a company that puts wild animals that would kill you on a package.

Regardless, to mindlessly get in line with the rest of the sheeple, I shall go "green" for the day.

PS-For every hit I get, the Captain will not cut down a tree.