The Economics of Girls' Showers

I ran.

Therefore I stank.

But before I could return to the Captain's Cave I got a call from a female friend of mine who invited me over for dinner.

And seeing I'm an economist and I outsource all my cooking, there is nothing better than homemade food prepared by anybody else but me, and so I gladly accepted her invitation.

However, as I mentioned before, I stank.

So upon arriving at her place I asked her if I could take a shower and fortunately, I had brought an extra change of clothes along with some deodorant.

Now, as a guy there are only two things I want when I take a shower. Two SIMPLE, BASIC GOD-GIVEN THINGS!

1. Soap.

and

2. Shampoo.

However, it seems a Herculean, Indiana Jones-esque crusade to find these two items for I was not in my humble shower, but that of a girl's.

Go into any guys' shower stall and you will find only two things. JUST TWO SIMPLE THINGS!

Soap and shampoo.

In mine there is the knock off brand of Head and Shoulders (which I save a tidy $2 per bottle on over the brand name) and a half melted bar of Irish Spring.

That's it! That's all I need. That's all ANYBODY needs. Maybe a wash cloth. I'll even go so far as to permit a loova. But as for hygienic products all any human, the richest of the rich, and the poorest of the poor, all they need is

Soap and shampoo.

But go into a girl's shower and there are a billion body care lotion thingies that are anything BUT
Soap and shampoo.

You then spend the next three hours, racing the water heater before it runs out of hot water to find those two rare and coveted items;

SOAP AND SHAMPOO.

But oohhh, no! You can't find the soap or shampoo.

No, your thwarted by knock offs. Posers. Things that aren't quite

SOAP AND SHAMPOO.

So I started cataloging all the different things in this girl's shower stall that were NOT

SOAP AND SHAMPOO.

Item 1 - Moisturizing Face Wash (will not the water moisturize your face????)
Item 2 - Body Lotion (I don't want any!)
Item 3 - Body Wash (WHAT WAS THE LOTION FOR THEN???)
Item 4 - Dumb Blond Infusion (Is it wise to infuse things with running water?)
Item 5 - Lavender Bead Infused Body Wash (Why do I want beads? And what was wrong with the regular body wash???)
Item 6 - Cocoa Butter Skin Moisturizer (see item 1!)
Item 7 - "Enfuz" Treatment for Dry to Normal Hair (why are they always trying to infuse things in the shower?!?!!?)
Item 8 - Citrus Skin Treatment (What was wrong with the cocoa butter???)

Now I could go on for there were literally, LITERALLY a dozen more products. And that was the stuff just in the shower stall! You go to the bathroom counter and there is countless other products that I could never use.

I inevitably did find the shampoo (Strawberry Enhanced Shampoo no less) but could never find the soap! But my question to all of you ladies out there, especially those studying economics, COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME WTF IS GOING ON WITH ALL THIS LOTIONY STUFF IN YOUR SHOWERS??? WHAT IS THE ECONOMIC RATIONALE FOR HAVING ALL THIS STUFF?????

I patiently await your answer! You could probably win the Nobel prize in economics if you could explain this phenomenon!