"Help My Daughter"

I was at "the" bar in town last night.  I've been here long enough that I've established a rapport with different folks and one of them (a middle aged woman who I recognize the face, but don't know the name) was at the bar and beckoned me over.  Nice lady, we chit chatted and discussed, nice gal.

However, as the conversation continued (and I don't know how it happened) it came to the topic of her daughter who was 24 and was having trouble "finding a good guy."  She was quite animated about the topic so I could tell this was important to her as she pulled a picture of her daughter out of her pocket shoving it in my face,

"Here, here!  You see her!  What's wrong with her!?  She's beautiful!  Why can't she find a good guy!?  They're all boys, they all play games!  Why can't she find a guy!?"

The girl was, admittedly, very cute, I'd say almost old enough to approach "beautiful."  So it certainly wasn't her looks.  So I asked,

"Well, what type of gal is she?"

The mother said, "Well she's very sweet and very kind."

I interrupted, "Yes, every mother says that about her daughter.  Truthfully, is she a flake?  Is she arrogant?  Does she string guys along?  I'm asking not to be insulting, but to find out what's really going on."

The mom responded truthfully, "No, she's actually a straight shooter. I told her not to play games.  I told her to be herself.  She's the type of girl that wants to go mountain biking and can't find a guy who isn't hung over from the night before."

It was here I let some of my prejudice and guard down and was willing to give this lady and her daughter the benefit of the doubt.  Most 24 year old babes are arrogant drama queens, full of themselves and completely unaware of other people.  But when I heard "mountain biking," the fact her mother told her not to play games and be a straight shooter and her complaint was finding a sober mountain biking partner, I decided to accept as a premise this was indeed one of the rare "good girls."

I said, "well if that's the case, then what she's probably running into is that she's a victim of her own gender.  You have to understand that most girls aren't like that and when men are going to approach women IN GENERAL they have to employ a strategy that is based off of the majority of women, not the rare girl that is different like your daughter."

"But that's so wrong!!!" she said.

And it was here the lesson in truth vs. emotion began.

I said, "Well it's not right or wrong.  It is what it is.  I could be wrong, but if your daughter is all that and then some and she's having trouble finding guys, it's likely most guys are advancing and learning game.  If anything, they were treated poorly, or at least, psychotically by girls ever since they hit puberty, and since being nice and kind didn't work, now they're standing your daughter up, showing up drunk, or whatever other tactics they've found works on other girls."

"Well men shouldn't do that!"

"I know, but it isn't an issue of whether they should or not.  It is what it is.  Your daughter has to abide by that fact."

The emotion or human desire to ignore reality continued,

"But why can't men just be..."

I interrupted again.

"Ah, ah, ah!  Again, do you want me to lie to you so you feel better?  Do you want me to tell you to tell your daughter that she "just hasn't found the right one?"  Or that "the right man will come along someday?"  "The lord will provide?"  "Follow your heart and the money will follow?"  Or do you want me to tell you the truth."

She had an interesting response.  One that showed she was digesting the point I was trying to make.  One that made me happy to see that some women are capable of setting aside emotion or "how things should be" and appreciating that if anything is going to get done or if there's going to be any progress, truth, no matter how unpleasant, must be acknowledged and incorporated into whatever strategy is to be developed.

Also greatly increasing my appreciation for this woman was her ability to discern between me being "nice" vs. me being "helpful." (though I will always contend being helpful is being nice and being "nice" is really just being cowardly).  She genuinely wanted to help her daughter and cared about her daughter enough that not only did she listen to a blowhard like me, but she even accepted passing on links to Roosh V and Roissy to her daughter.

"She won't like these links" I said, "but they will help her understand the psychology of men her age."

"Why won't she like these links?" she asked.

"Because they're truthful and what real guys really think."

She gladly accepted them.

The point of the story is that while we here in the Manosphere like to highlight cognitive dissonance, delusion, and other forms of denial, it is nice to see and highlight the occasional instance where a person is capable of genuine intellectual honesty and capable of taking emotion out of it in order to focus instead on reality, thereby increasing the chances for genuine success.  And when I see somebody with that level of character I merely wish to point it out and salute them.