Let me tell you a story.
Was at a bar/restaurant last night. Within the group of people I'm at is a mother-son combination and a (frankly) overweight, ugly middle aged woman (henceforth referred to as "the OUMAW").
The mother and the OUMAW are tag teaming this poor boy about what to do when it comes to matters of the ladies and courting when he heads off to college/the real world. And all the advice is absolutely wrong, only guaranteeing he'll be fed to the meat-grinder at a faster rate.
"Be nice."
"Be sweet."
"Be kind."
"My husband who does what I tell him and makes the money. You need to become like him."
I speak up.
"Look, don't be nice. Be a jerk. I mean, don't be abusive, but the last thing girls like or want is the sappy overtly sweet nice guy. Be aloof, master back-handed compliments. NEVER be desperate."
"Don't have kids. They cost too much money and they'll take away from your fun with your wife, IF you choose to have one."
"Date LOTS of girls. TONS. That way you'll have some fun initially, but realize just how many poor ones are out there, making sure you'll know when you find a really good one or the "right one."
"Realize you are not inferior to girls. ESPECIALLY at your age. When you get older, you'll realize just how childish they really are reading "People" magazine or watching TMZ or Jersey Shore. Just because they're cute, does not mean they're smarter than you, let alone that you want to date them."
Naturally the mom and the OUMAW we enraged.
"NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM!!! LISTEN TO US! WE KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!"
Their response was interesting because I don't for a second believe they weren't trying to help the boy, they love the kid. Their response seemed visceral, automated. As if they were prompted by instinct, rather than thought. Regardless, merely telling the boy "don't listen to that bad bad man over there" was not enough. The mom and especially the OUMAW had to then "debunk" me and thus the interrogation/attempt to "expose" me began.
"So, what you just live alone all by yourself?"
- "Yes."
"AHA! So you're all alone!"
-"No, I have friends and a girlfriend back in Minnesota. And I've made some friends here in South Dakota."
"So, is she some like mail-order bride or something that doesn't have a mind of her own?"
-"No, actually she's an engineer and makes more money than I do."
"And she tolerates your attitude?"
-"Matter of fact, yes, she likes the fact I'm the male and I am willing to draw the line in the sand and stick to my guns. She cooks for me, treats me very nice, and hangs out with me and picks on me. She's also hot and doesn't mind getting dolled up in lingerie."
As the interrogation went on it was becoming apparent to the ladies (AND the boy), that their plan was backfiring on them. I was living proof that everything they said to the boy was wrong and that just because they were older, didn't mean they necessarily wiser in this particular department. Losing the battle they switched tactics (and dare I say, were curious how about this minimalistic/maxi-fun approach to life I had.)
"So you obviously don't have children, do you?"
-"No, I had a vasectomy."
And that was adding fuel to the fire.
"SO YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO HAVE CHILDREN???? WHY DON'T YOU WANT CHILDREN!???"
I then calmly leaned over to the boy, almost as if I was ignoring them, but spoke loud enough so everybody could hear.
"Look, kid, you know how much you cost to raise? $500,000. When it's all said and done, your mom and dad dropped HALF A MILLION DOLLARS ON YOU and that doesn't even include accounting for their time. You don't have to go to college, you don't have to slave away. You can live on the cheap, drive your motorcycle around, hell, buy a boat and a house and eat great food ALL if you don't have children."
Naturally, instead of listening to the words coming out of my mouth and focusing on the point I was trying to make, this merely sent the ladies' emotions into a tizzy. They thought I was saying the kid wasn't worth it. That he was a mistake. Sure enough the responses of "he's worth every penny." "I am so proud of him." "I would do it all over again" blah blah blah blah, came pouring in.
Thankfully you could tell by his eyes he did not only take umbrage to the statement, but was digesting precisely the point I was trying to make.
Emotionally upset, the OUMAW started to tear in even more, but what is nice about this little "philosophy" the Manosphere, or heck, just single or childless people have, is that it's unassailable. There's really no emotion involved in it. I don't get agitated when people tell me they want to have 5 children and grow organic chickens. It's their life. But the OUMAW was obviously insulted I chose to lead my life my way and she was having none of it. Additionally, she wanted to intervene in this poor boy's life, send him on a path SHE deemed the "right" one and dissuade him from my (obviously) "dark side of the force life" of motorcycle, freedom, hiking, and minimal responsibility. Ergo, I had to be "stopped."
With a smug tone she said, "So, do you RENT or do you OWN your apartment?"
Internally I rolled my eyes. She had no idea just how intricately familiar I am with real estate and the economics thereof. She also had no idea how far away I could see this one coming. I played the game.
-"I rent."
"Oh, so look at you! You don't even have equity built up in your house. You're so blah blah blah...."
I interrupted.
-"I own rental property back in Minnesota."
"Oh." she said. "Well that's good, I own a house too."
I responded (knowing how she bragged about how her husband made all the money),
"Yeah, but my husband didn't pay for my house."
Hooo!!! Hooo!!!!!! The OUMAW did NOT like that. But it's not because I was implying she wasn't an independent woman. It was the fact I highlighted she TRULY WASN'T an independent woman. That and in the eyes of the boy I was just furthering my particular authority in this conversation and debunking hers.
The fireworks were continuing and the boy was paying very close attention. He was noticing how the women were being irrational, emotional and trying to knock me out, whlie I just sat there, very calm, dispassionate, spoke the truth, didn't get riled up, but stuck to my guns. At no time did I say his mom or the OUMAW were wrong or not trying to help him, I merely was presenting the other side of the same coin, a "male" or "older brother" side of life. I wrote down Dalrock, Roissy, The U of Man and a couple other blogs on a napkin, gave it to him and said,
"Look, when I was your age, we didn't have the internet. But what has happened since it's development, is it has allowed millions of men my age and younger and older to compare notes about dating. And what it has enabled us to do is detect trends, patterns, observations, etc. and see what works in the dating world and what doesn't. But most importantly, it makes it so young boys like you DO NOT have to suffer the bullsh#t we did when we were your age. Your mother and the OUMAW obviously do love you, but it's only one side of the story. You need the guy's side."
He went off on his merry way as he had to work the next day, and I was happy I saved another soul an inordinate amount of pain in his future.
Now the moral of the story is not "warm fuzzies" the Captain probably saved the kid a lot of pain. It's that I am still shocked that there are women out there who think it their place to lecture men about the lives they choose to lead. The vehement response I got when I merely said things like;
"I don't want kids."
"I live on the cheap."
"I dated lots of girls."
BLAMO! I'm an evil cad and I must be lectured. And not only must I be lectured, they have every RIGHT to come in and lecture me.
But there's another aspect to it - you forget there are people out there like that.
It's akin to when I worry if the advice we give young men today is relevant anymore. Have relations between young boys and girls changed so that boys don't need this philosophy? I don't want to give him advice that would have worked in 1992, but would only serve to hurt him now. And then I see some news story about girls having pregnancy pacts in high schools or something, and know these poor boys need us more than ever.
And here it is the same thing.
I forget there are people out there who almost unconsciously deem themselves not just your superior, but charter themselves with the right to intervene in your life and tell you what to do as THEY SEE FIT. And while this applies to a wide range of people (abusive husbands, controlling wives, etc. etc.), I am intrigued how common it is when it comes to courting/social-sexual dynamics between men and women, and when the men merely speak truth from the hills -
"We like long legs, big boobs, long hair."
BLAMO! That is somehow "wrong." THat is "bad" (even though it is genetic programming). And that is more than enough of an excuse for women to come in and not just lecture you, but REALLY try to get you to change.
But above all, it provides some amazing hindsight as to just what an uphill battle us older guys had when we were young boys being lectured by the women in our lives.
You're shallow for liking long legs. You're shallow for liking big boobs. You should LOVE a woman for her personality. And be nice and be kind, and buy her flowers, and open doors for her and write her poetry, etc. etc.
How any of us came out of that brainwashing, let alone on our own accord, is amazing. But this brainwashing and indoctrination is still happening. And therefore fellow members of the Manosphere, like Batman, we gotta be there for the boys.
Carry on gentlemen. Carry on.
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