Cats are Not a Substitute for a Boyfriend

OK, look, ladies let me help you because I genuinely care to help. I do!

Cats are not cool.

No, I know you think they are. But in fact, they are not.

No, actually quite the contrary. Yale physicists and paleontologists trace the cats' evolutionary origins from Hell.

It's true, saw it on the Discovery Channel. Not making this up. Scouts honor.

Anyway, yes, cats are from Hell apparently and in reality they do not, repeat do NOT help you get a boyfriend. They actually plot AGAINST your getting a boyfriend, that's if they're not planning your death whilst you sleep. Worse still they actually deter you from getting a boyfriend ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'VE BECOME SO ACCUSTOMED TO THEM THAT YOU LET THEIR STENCH AND ODOR FERMENT IN YOUR APARTMENT, INFUSING ITSELF INTO THE WALLS SO WHEN PEOPLE FROM THE OUTSIDE COME IN AND TAKE ONE WHIFF THEY DIE!!!

And it's not a stark, chemically, skunk smell. No, it's a biological, cat urine, 6 month old kitty liter smell. That the biological remnants of whatever cause cat stench is taking on a new, merged, mutated life form with improved odor.

Also, most people have an allergy to cats. So, you know, maybe vacuum the 3 inches of cat hair that has accumulated on your couch? And it would help that instead of 7 cats, you know you just get one? The American Dental Association says 4 out of 5 dentists prefer less cats. So, you know, there you go.

Anyway, only reason I bring this up is because a good friend of mine has decided to let me crash at her joint whilst I vacation here in Arizona (for I am an economist and it is cheaper to house sit than to pay for a hotel). And the truth is her cats are not that bad nor is her hygiene habits in cleaning up after them. However, as I house sit for three cats the smell has triggered memories I tried to forget long ago.

Just doing a public service announcement.