Do I Have to Kiss on the First Date?

"Pace" my father would say.

"Pace?" I'd ask.

"Pace."

"Cadence" my father would would say.

"Cadence?" I'd ask.

"Cadence."

"No rush. Smell the roses. You can go too fast, but you can rarely go too slow."

Of course when he was dispensing this wisdom it was when we were running around the lakes back when I was in college and he was in his 50's. And as a means by which to excuse his inability to keep up with my pace he would tender the argument, "Good runners pace themselves. no rush. Cadence. Pace."

That and he wanted to extend the time he could scope out the young 20 something chicks running around Minneapolis.

But his words in an odd sense were very appropriate last night for your beloved captain had a first date.

Now I'm old. And I don't mean that in an age way, I mean that in an experience way. To quote Indiana Jones, "it's not the years, it's the mileage" and thus is my case.

I don't get excited about first dates anymore. I frankly don't have the time and I don't have the energy. Worrying never resulted in a tangible benefit and as 99.6% of first dates go, that's all they ever become, ergo why get worked up over nothing? So when you get to be the decrepit age of 32 dating no longer is something to get excited about, it's a chore. And you no longer hope to score in the first night, you hope to have concluded the date and be in bed by 11PM, maybe even knocking off earlier to enjoy a beer with your buddies at your friendly neighborhood bar.

In otherwords, first dates are about as exciting as going to church. You don't get excited and you don't expect anything because that's what they are.

So I go on the date. And she's a nice girl. Witty banter is exchanged. Inquiries asked about the other. We hit a swing joint and a Latin joint, notch up a couple dances. And I'm so indifferent about dating at this stage that I'm completely relaxed for it's no different than just hanging out with a friend or an acquaintance. It is the complete opposite of when you were 16 and you spent the last 50% of the date worrying about whether you'd kiss the girl or not or how you would go about kissing her and what strategy you would employ.

Now you're thinking, "You know, if I leave here by 1030, I could maybe finish off that John Wayne movie I left in the DVD player."

So it was getting to be that time. I had to get to work the next morn and so I suggest that it's time to go and she concurs.

So I drive her to her car, pull up next to it and then the wierdest thing happened. Fully expecting her to hop out and say "catch ya later" like my good buddy Chico would, she sits there.

Still not even thinking, I was like, "well... have a good night."

She said, "yeah, thanks that was really fun!"...but she's still sitting there.

And then you start using phrases that are polite and signal the end of the conversation. You know, common phrases like;

"Well, I better get going"

or

"Well, we'll be seeing ya!"

or

"Yep, well, you have a good night."

Still sitting there.

And THEN, THEN it hits me.

"Wait, does she want me to actually kiss her????"

Which is so foreign to me at this now old and decrepit age.

"Why would she want to kiss on the first date? Who kisses on the first date? That's so 1997! Isn't it kind of forward or rude to kiss some girl you just took out once? No, she can't really be expecting a kiss on the first date. Surely modern day women don't kiss on the first date!"

In either case I was thrown off and didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I leaned over and gave her a friendly hug. Which I thought was a safe diplomatic compromise. Didn't want to be forward, and frankly I just don't kiss any ole girl that comes along. Kind of have to establish a fair amount of "liking" before you get with the kissing.

Regardless the hug seemed to do the trick and I was on my way back. Was thinking in the car if that is what is socially acceptable or not. Are men now expected to just kiss the girl on the first date? since when did this rule change? And to be forthright, I don't like it. I don't like to be rushed. Threw me off guard there and to quote Cary Grant from "Father Goose" "she scared me half to death!" I'm an old man. We 32 year old men can't handle such reckless and wanton advances.

So please ladies, despite our evil Cary Grantish and economic charms;

"Pace. Cadence. No rush."