Men Getting Hosed on the Lakes

I used to run only about 3 miles every other day just as a bare-minimum maintenance sort of work out. Make sure I didn’t get fat, keep my heart in shape, that kind of thing. But then events had transpired that I needed to run, and I needed to run A LOT. Blood pressure had gone through the roof (160/110) resting heart rate wasn’t good either (90BPM) and sleep was just not coming. I needed something that would lower my blood pressure and heart rate, physically exhaust me so I’d sleep, and help me avoid that minor thing called pre-mature death.

Goodbye 3 miles when I feel like it, hello 6 miles 4-5 days a week.

Now, these events that transpired, transpired in late January to early February. So I figure 5 solid months of running, 4.33 weeks per month, that’s 21.65 weeks, 151.55 days, 4.5 out of 7 I was running, which means I ran a total of 97 days, at 6 miles per day translates into a grand total of 584.55 miles (and two inches off my waste I might smugly add!).

Now these 584.55 miles have been ran on a bevy of trails in the Twin Cities areas including parks, riverways, roads, DT Minneapolis, DT St. Paul, but the majority of them have been run around two main routes I like to take;

1. The West/East River Parkway. Gorgeous area that follows the west and east sides of the Mississippi river just downstream of Minneapolis down and back to the Minnehaha Falls area.

2. A combination of Lake of the Isles and Lake Calhoun in the Uptown neighborhood of Minneapolis.

These two areas are quite popular with runners, cyclists, rollerbladers, etc., and in those 584 miles I’ve seen a rather large and representative sample of the people that use them. But it wasn’t until just 1 hour ago when I finished my latest run around the lakes that a twingling in the back of my head, came full rush forward and transformed itself into an articulate thought;

The men are getting hosed on the lakes.

We are soooo getting hosed on the lakes.

And it’s not just the lakes, but the riverways, trails, and practically every other place you have runners, cyclists and rollerbladers. Especially during the summer.

And the reason we’re getting screwed is because in addition to the gorgeous scenery of the trees and rivers and waterfalls and lakes, women should also be a part of that scenery. Attractive sexy looking women enhancing that scenery for us. Be they young or old, a run around the lakes without pretty dames it like having cake without icing. Alas, the women that are out there are NOT enhancing the scenery.

Now you can go ahead and say that I am crude boar. A sexist pig who only views women as toys or objects for his disgusting selfish entertainment. And how dare I say such a mean thing.

Well, it’s very simple how I can say such a mean thing. It’s because it’s true. The women out there running for the past 5 months are NOT attractive at all. This last run I kept a tally, and there were no more than 3, count them, 1,2,3 attractive women that could be considered “in-shape” or “athletic” or “attractive.” And that’s with literally hundred of women out there.

Now, of course the criticism I lay forth is rather one-sided. I have not mentioned the men, but I didn’t say we were getting shafted for no reason. For the men on the other hand, are by and large in very good shape. Not that there weren’t any guys out there that should be required by law to put a shirt on, but for every attractive woman, there was literally about 17-18 good looking guys. Guys who had every right to run without a shirt on. Guys who you could tell worked out as well as ran. Guys who were providing ample scenery for the ladies.

No doubt the good looking girls must be somewhere, but on the lakes and parkways they’re not. Alas, this is perhaps why Minneapolis has one of the largest gay populations in the United States.